|Blogs > funintheday2006 > CLITICALLY CHALLENGED|
Sunday is National Erection Day
Sunday is National Erection Day
JUST TO START:
You know who you are, how can you flash those legs at me like that and cover your chin at the same time? Very cruel. 6 + 7 I hope! Maybe they will even merge? Will you paint a mural for me? Make the heels high for the run, landing could ne heaven sent..... Like the notion of 2 moods.. Hair down I think, less trouble later..
I’m playing along with Devil Woman, I love her emails, they make me piss myself, no matter what my mood.
I think if she was in the UK I’d have second thoughts though!
Her English is so funny, she knows all the rude words and how to terrorise a man but, she puts them all in the wrong order and I have to do a translation before the terror becomes clear.
There are also some sentences that when converted become really sweet but, the overall theme is one of either ripping my genitals off or subjecting me to torture and humiliations of various sorts.
Yesterdays mails (9 in total) were somewhat eye-watering graphical so I sent a response in my inimitable fashion basically asking “ WHY ME?”
I asked the question because of all the hundreds of thousands of guys on this site I want to know what it was about my profile/ blogs/ articles or whatever that drew her to the conclusion that my dangly bits were in need of such violent attention.
Well, she sent 4 emails explaining(?), and not one of them was coherent or even vaguely understandable, so, I’m still in the proverbial dark. Get this:
It would appear ( and I quote) “ Why you? Destiny is whispering and we will hear if we listen” ( that cleared things up no end), and, “ Destiny say something about my star at planet. I hope saying true my star without coal.”
I cannot understand how I missed that, suddenly I can fully appreciate the reasons I got picked from all the 10’s of thousands of profiles. If I ever meet Destiny I’ll kick the shit out of him.
Half past 3 saw me at work again this morning and Sundays are very different in the drive to work. Every other day of the week I am used to seeing 2-3 vehicles on the 20 minute drive but Sundays I see at least a couple of dozen plus the staggering drunks. It really is surreal. Makes me think I woke up late.
At an outdoor dinner party yesterday and, shock, there was the inevitable spare woman who just happened to be invited to pair up with the spare dickhead (me). Naturally, we avoided each other like the plague but, were constantly being brought into conversation by the hosts who then discreetly (mm) sloped off to leave us alone in order the lady and I could “get to know each other.” After a few of these pathetic attempts I actually spoke to the young lady and asked her if she was as sick as I was of these matchmaking parties. She informed me that it was somewhat a thorn in her side, particularly as she was gay and really preferred spare women herself.
Could only happen to me couldn’t it?
Anyway, she was quite fun so we hatched a bit of a plan ( well, actually, it was me who suggested it initially, but she was up for a laugh).
We approached the hosts together and thanked them for introducing us, commenting on how pleased we were that they knew us both so well as to choose the perfect partner.
In fact, we were so keen we wondered if we could borrow a bedroom for a while as we were both gagging for a shag and hadn’t had one in quite some time. Oh, and have you got any sex toys we can borrow?
We offered, as a matter of courtesy, to be as quiet as possible.
The hosts, it has to be explained, are both lawyers and very highbrow.
Reaction was as predictable as it was hilarious.
So, we felt that as the need was urgent, it was impractical to use a bedroom and anyway, they don’t do toys, it would be best if we excused ourselves and went back to her place.
So we extricated ourselves, went to a pub for a quick drink and parted. Good day out, but, if only I’d left a listening device at the party the day would have been perfect. I just KNOW I’m getting a phone call this morning!
Finishing off a website this morning for a company that has been bugging me for about 6 months to do one. Keep thinking I should build one on a smaller scale to AdultFriendFinder but put emphasis on blogs and suchlike. A site where people can just share experiences. Will continue to mull on that one.
There is an invention I wish someone would come up with.
The next month will see my years extended by one and I am seriously on the lookout for a face iron. Don’t fancy the plastic surgery bit but, a good face iron would be really cool.
Will I need Viagra next year?
As the years progress and my toy continues to have the stand up ability I wonder how much longer it will last.
Constant bombardment of emails entitled “ Did you fail again last night?” Your woman needs a REAL man”, all giving links to sites selling male erection pills leads me to believe there must be a vast market out there.
Are guys all getting permanent limps, only able to pump blood to the extremities with the aid of drugs?
I reckon if I hang out long enough I’ll be the only one over 40 that can still get hard naturally.
Then you’ll all want me wont you?
Well, most of you will.
OK OK some of you might, at a push.
Perhaps one of you then?
Best keep looking then hadn’t I?
It’s Sunday, is anyone else here or are you all hung over?
5/28/2006 12:02 pm
LOL I am here and that gal sounds like a hoot. The one from the party As to a face iron, I wouldn't worry bout it as I am sure a pug could beat you for the need for one of those as yet. As for viagra, you think the net is bad? Well you ought to see the commercials here in the states. They are sometimes silly and sometimes serious. I just can't tell you how often I would appreciate a block on the television without running into some sort of medical ad. Seems that is nearly all we have lately. Go figure....I mean nothing makes much sense but well the laughs are sometimes there at the absurdity of it all....LOL |
5/28/2006 5:41 pm
ROFLMAO, You are just TOO funny, I have to read more. |