|Blogs > funintheday2006 > CLITICALLY CHALLENGED|
SECOND CHANCES AT SILLINESS AND EMBARRASMENT
SECOND CHANCES AT SILLINESS AND EMBARRASMENT
Interesting, the comments on my first meet with 'A' and quite thought provoking too.
We got a tad serious for a bit, and it did me good.
Been away for a day due to the pressures of alcohol and a thief so Ill blog that later.
I am reposting my second meet with A below so you can see the friendship growing:
This is an old blog and not this week
Hope you all had a fantastic weekend and your Earth moved the way you wanted.
Mine was ok (excellent in parts, but we’ll get to Sunday lunch later!) and Saturday saw me at a party with around 50 people of whom only about 6 spoke English. It lead me to wonder why I have so many friends that cannot understand me nor me them? Very surreal and yet we are all good friends and are very comfortable in each others company. Communication and the errors we make, in some strange way, actually enhance the friendships. Maybe because we all have to try that bit harder and thereby think more about the other person. It’s also pretty hilarious when you ask for a glass of wine and are presented with half a pork pie and a kebab!! ( Yes, it DID happen!!) The fun and humour amongst the group is infectious and something everyone should experience. Went water skiing with a couple of them once and tried to teach them. It was like a sitcom!! Anyway.. I digress, not like me that, although.. oh there I go again.
So party over, not too much to drink, no raw food from the BBQ so no food poisoning. Life does have benefits sometimes.
Last week was horrendously busy at work so Sunday at 4.30 am sees me under a vehicle changing the brakes as no staff had had time, the vehicle was being used up until Saturday night and Sunday mechanics are as rare as the women in my bed! Almost extinct in fact…. Any offers on a plain postcard please..
Got a couple of probs with the brakes so I threw all my toys out of the pram, cried for a minute, stuck out my bottom lip and got a coffee. After that I wrote my Sunday morning musings (below) and finished the goddam vehicle.
Went home for a shower ( made a mistake there thought it was June) and got ready for lunch…
All right, all right its coming…
As I had discerned that the young lady had not had much male attention of late ( probably due to her extended frontage, as I am certain she got more than her fair share before!) I decided to get the rusty armour out, polish the helmet and give the white horse a bit of a scrub up.
She had expressed a preference for an Italian meal (WHAT…. NO YORKSHIRE PUD??? IT IS SUNDAY!!??) and I had suggested an extremely popular and nice restaurant in the upwardly mobile part of town ( yea, right, the houses are just more extortionate and occupants have bigger mortgages). So the scene was set to make her lunch enjoyable and, hopefully, memorable.
Being aware of her condition I assumed that alcohol would not be well received so I had arranged for a bottle of sparkling non alcoholic wine to be presented at the table in the same manner as a real bottle of giggle water. I’ve frequented the restaurant on a number of occasions and they know I’m daft so they don’t argue! I also arranged for a nice bunch of garden growth to be presented to her by the maitre and had specified that they should be somewhat attentive.
I know, I am pathetic, but, if you can’t be nice sometimes you aint got a life have you?
Anyway, I picked her up (from home this time, that means that she either trusts me or she’s as thick as I am, whatever, no matter) and managed to find a parking space within a few hundred miles. Walking is not her strong point due to back strain so I eventually found a taxi to plonk us at the door. Don’t you love it when a plan comes together??!!
Then it got good, staff at the restaurant were superb, they fussed over her as though she was a movie star, we had an excellent table, semi secluded, ( it should have been in a room on its own, but more about that later), Drooping stems and falling petals were duly presented and a glass of fizzy knats pee poured.
It was touching to see how much the attention had obviously moved her and I knew the horse would have to come out of the stable more often, it’s a great feeling to please someone who needs pleasure.
Doesn’t always have to be naked and sweaty does it?
Meal was.. well.. Italian and reasonably presented and cooked and we continued where we had left off the other day. Conversation was extremely comfortable, casual and open. We found out more about each other and ( I think), liked each other more too.
A little sadness in her life that will eventually pale and a family of standing with Victorian values that have no right in this century will probably be her biggest hurdle. I’ve not heard of a family buying their wayward child an apartment away from the family and friends in order to minimise the “shame” and gossip the family would endure since I read a stupid Dickens book at school. They keep her well supplied with the fiscal needs of life but nne has the decency to turn up and just give the poor girl a cuddle or hug. That’s not good.
What really personifies her though is the fantastic dignity she has retained and her unwillingness to blame anyone but herself. That’s a good sign of maturity, I think.
So anyway, there we were, talking, laughing, the occasional whispered word where we leant into each other in order not to frighten the clientele next to us (bit close to reveal secrets at full volume).
THEN IT HAPPENED… WELL IT WOULD WOULDN’T IT??
NO WE DID NOT KISS!!!
During one of these whispering sessions a voice, loud, hale and hearty boomed, “Hello, thought you were working today.”
So there I am, my stupid, recognisable head a nanometer away from a beautiful and obviously heavily pregnant girls ear and one of my staff is bleating out a greeting, the sickest and most ridiculous smirk tattooed across his soon to be crushed brain receptacle.
Take a second here… what would you do?????? Think … WHAT???
So what did I do, this paragon of virtue, this wordsmith, this sub-human that has an answer and opinion for everything, this autocratic captain of industry, the sacker of staff, the ruler of all minions, this part time mechanic, the IT expert, the man in the suit??
Well, I blushed. YES I DID and I cannot remember the last time that happened to me and it is f***ing embarrassing!
I spent the next 15 hours ( that’s how long it seemed) composing my self into the usual pale countenance, readjusting the vocal chords so they could make discernable human noises and introduced them.
Naturally, he stood there, still grinning like a certified alien until I made it quite clear he had all the information he was getting. That consisted of her first name. You can imagine, this is insufficient for his gossip column which, I am certain, knowing the man, will be written today and given a somewhat loose interpretation.
I suppose the floral display on the table and the wine will add to his imagination and there will be much murmuring in the offices for some time to come.
You can imagine the sideways glances, the silence as I enter a room, the speculation, the rumours, the wondering.
Will I enlighten them?
This incident sent her into fits of giggles and to such an extent that I felt it appropriate to scan the room to see if there were any damp towels in evidence or, indeed, a table long enough for a maternity emergency! I would have been no use anyway, my stomach was aching with trying to hold back the laughter.
What made it even funnier was that he had obviously seen us through the window and missed me so much since Friday he wanted to say hello.
Is that not a sweet thing for him to do?!
It may be that he felt inclined to see who I was with too, but no, he wouldn’t do that would he?
So really that was it, nothing spicy for you, took her back home, had a coffee gave her a hug and left for home myself.
Welllllllll, when I say that was it, it wasn’t really….
As the scenario appeals to our sense of humour, she is going to pop into the office this week and we’ll go for a coffee. Then tongues will wag…………
Life is so amusing isn’t it? Laughter has to be the most erogenous aphrodisiac imaginable!!!!
7/10/2006 1:50 am
I love a good wind up...lets know how her visit goes......|
7/10/2006 3:17 am
Sounds like you had a really good giggle. Would have loved to see the expression on your face. |
Keep us updated, this is hilarious.
*BTW! Do you have any clones who live in my area, I could do with your kind of attention. *
7/10/2006 8:19 am
DON'T YOU JUST LOVE ENCOURAGING THE NASTY GOSSIPS WITH EMPLOYEES AND LET THEM WALLOW IN IT...SORT OF LIKE GIVE THEM ENOUGH ROPE AND THEY WILL HANG THEMSELVES...BASTARDS!!!1LOL|
7/10/2006 11:46 am
Oh, funny! Oh to be a mouse within earshot of the water cooler at your office. Thanks for sharing not only the laugh with us, but also the kindness.|