|Blogs > funintheday2006 > CLITICALLY CHALLENGED|
Erection weekend... will it ever go down?
Erection weekend... will it ever go down?
Updates are good for the soul, so here they are.
Going to leave the best till last today because my mind is still spinning. ( Ok, it’s in its normal state!)
First Outdoor dinner party update.(yesterdays blog)
Most of us would have called this a BBQ, but not at my friend’s house, he and his family have serious delusions of grandeur which I may go into in another blog.
So, got the expected phone call, 3 in fact, wanting the ‘hot news’ and FULL details. So subtle aren’t they? “What happened?” and the best one, “ We were not really sure about inviting you both, there are rumours/suspicions that she may not, you know, like men.”
Red rag to a bull or what???
This particular call came as I was driving to the midlands on a bit of a vehicle rescue mission so I said I would love to pop round with all the gory details but, I had just got home (3pm), hadn’t slept and really needed to go to bed, on my own. Would he leave it there? No, course not. Not sure if he had the phone on hands free speaker ( which he has a habit of doing) so, just in case, I delved into my not un-vivid imagination and gave him the story he wanted. A tale of pure male is how it came out with me as the victim! I could not believe the things I was saying ( all right, yes I could, I was in full flow!), and stories of large orange toys came out as well as the need to raid the fruit basket while we waited for the battery chargers ( yes more than one!), to do their job. That and the need to take long rests etc and culminating with me having to escape whilst she was not looking in order to protect what was left of my rapidly disappearing manhood! Call ended with all parties satisfied and after about half an hour I thought it might be good manners to call the lady in question to update her on my fibbing. Did so and she was pissing herself because she had just taken a call from said hosts wife who was ‘passing in a short time and would ‘pop’ in to see her’. Haven’t heard anything since but, I do hope to get some kind of feedback today!
Devil woman saga.
Now, this woman is in serious need of having her teeth pulled out and her arms chopped off. She is a danger to the male gender.
Emails today included one where the English was much worse than usual, perhaps due to her excitement at finding a man who actually answered the mails she sent.
Amongst the things that will be happening to me, according to the latest readings from my resident witch are:
Meat hooks through my nipples and my feet barely touching the floor as she hoists me up, using said nipple attachments for leverage. The best bit for me, (yea, right), is that she will lick all my blood and give it back to me via oral transfusion.
There is also a lot of talk about some weights being attached to my genitals which, apparently, she will be able to pull on in order to give me ultimate pleasure(??!!).
She’s also doing the whip bit and bendy cane type pleasure thing as well and I’m in fucking pain just thinking about it.
I don’t hold with this men in nappies kink myself but I’m thinking of getting one just for protection! It’s impossible for me to translate everything but, some of her writings (ignore bad English) come over as written by someone with intelligence and style. Then out of the blue, in the middle of the mail, the satanic rites spew forth.
Example: Spiritual desires are seeking who growing in a desert a precious plant with careful,passionate,trusting,labour.My desert very fruitful if you can a good gardener.My physical language will be talk deeply when my plants to become green,to flower. Your cok will be in teeth mine I bite your blood and drink my face color of your life juice.
That was cut/paste, starts quite nicely then: No fucking way are you doing THAT!!!
And another thing, what’s all this crap about trusting, passion and careful? How does that fit in with biting my bloody cock until its bleeding?? A member gushing with blood is not fit for sex, believe me!
Now my serious rant of the year:
Driving into my home town last night spotted a couple who I know very well walking with their daughter ( 6/7/8 yrs old) so stopped to chat.
Daughter is a lovely child and affectionate and, I have to say, we get on great, she’s almost as infantile as I am.
Father Italian, mother Russian so child speaks 3 languages, yes, really.
My rant is this: Children are a real pleasure with their questioning minds, openness, innocence and the pure joy of seeing a small human being develop into a true individual. Sharing the pleasure, and pain, of their growing has been all but shut off to family friends due to the increase, or increased reporting, of paedophiles.
As a single guy, no kids and over the age of 40 I am always aware of the need not to get too close, touch, say or do anything that can be interpreted wrongly. That pisses me off like you would not believe.
My sisters and their children were always a source of real pleasure for me, the holding, playing, displaying of mutual affection and all the things that go with being a brother/uncle/friend to a child.
It hurts so much when you have to prevent a child from displaying the affection that is so natural and pure due to these low life bastards that have taken away from adults and children the ability to just be themselves. What message is that sending to the kids? That all adults are aloof and unapproachable? Don’t know what the answers are here, just really feel sorry that kids miss out on the love of an extended adult network of friends.
Anyway, found a pine cone for her and I got a cuddle of R. so I felt good but, a little sad too.
It might make me feel better if I find a child abuser and rip his fucking head off.
Swearing a lot today aren’t I? Must be the salad.
And now………the good bit.
Before the aforementioned rescue mission I had been on msn with a friend and had been chatting gently until the inevitable subject reared its head ( yes, that’s the one, three letters).
Now, I’m not into cybersex or ‘erotic emails’ or even cam shows. At least I wasn’t! I have to say at this point, it’s not my fault.
All I’ve ever seen of her to date is a head shot, gorgeous eyes and a smile which can only be described as wicked and naughty. Strange word to use for a smile, naughty, but, it does fit her! Anyway, there we are verbal joisting and all that and suddenly, on the screen, appears a pair of legs that, even I, cannot find sufficient superlatives or descriptive words for! Suffice it to say, until I get my breath back, that length, shape and pose makes perfect a useless adjective. If her backside had been showing too my jeans would have been in serious danger of shredding! As we continued the conversation, pictures were changed regularly and the legs became a point of some reference. Hang on, just have to wipe my mouth.
One photo showed a pose with the subject matter crossed and pulled up to her so the shot is of these legs with bare shoulders and a head poking above them. Shit, that was so erotic! A hint of all the pleasures a man could ever want and what do I notice? I can’t see her chin properly!! Now, those legs are particularly awesome but, I wanted to see her full face as well and the absence of chin was disappointing! Disappointment was tempered due to the bare shoulders, which more than made up for it so I gazed longingly as we continued to chat. Still hasn’t portrayed her mammary glands, fettered or unfettered, so, hopefully, there are pleasures awaiting! Has she got me sussed or is it a coincidence? I am a brain/eyes/hair/smile and legs man and mammary glands are an added feature that I love but have no preference as to size etc. providing they are accessible and sensitive. Oh, too much info for your there, I’m baring all!
Talking of baring all, I have never told anyone on this site what my qualified profession is and I unwittingly told her, must have been the legs. Normally freaks people but she had a valium and seems cool with it now! Why did I do that? Not sure, I’ll get back to you.
There we are, her looking like a goddess and me like a freak with 3 legs and we have to close conversation as she is a vertical object sculptress and needs to obtain materials to finish her latest creation. Ok, she was painting the wall and had run out of paint. I had to rescue a nerd on the motorway so chat had to end.
Day seemed a touch empty after that and this morning got in about 4am to find a text on my mobile ( yes I left it in the office as usual. Why do they call them mobile phones, mine rarely moves from the desk and when it does the battery goes flat?). Simple text, sent you a mail. I’m not that easy to manipulate woman, I’ll read it when I feel like it. Anyway a good nanosecond later hotmail is on the screen with 9 new emails. 7 from Lucifer’s Disciple and 2 from friends INCLUDING… yep there it is, Now do I open it first or last? Well, being a gentleman, not that it made any difference to me, you understand, I opened it first.
Its her imagined description of our first meet.
Why did she do that? 4 o clock in the morning and I’m sat at the desk, once again the 3 legged monster with nowhere to walk!
I already had a coffee from the leaking vending machine and being a reformed nicotine addict do not indulge in that perversion any more but, shit, I could have smoked one then!
What a wordsmith that woman is! Nothing crude or explicit, just pure unadulterated eroticism. The words leaving mystery, promise, unspoken passion, sensuality and absolute satisfaction in their wake.
Bugger off, those words are MINE, I aint sharing them!
OK, just the very first bit and only because it’s the bit I have doubts about!
“ We meet” ( Good start that, vital) “I instantly like you.” Now this is the bit I have a problem with, I’ve got a mirror and my eyesight is pretty good. People don’t instantly like me do they? I think of myself more as a fungus that appears without warning and just spreads unabated until the roots are pulled. I’m pretty sure I’m reasonably good company but I’ve never walked into a room and the ladies have shouted “ Hey, there he is, I like him.” Or, perhaps I’m deaf and it happens all the time?
So, we have 25 sentences ( No I didn’t count them, I’m not that impressionable?), its just a number I picked at random. And these sentences ( however many there are) find me somewhat anticipating our first encounter, which is a week tomorrow. But will I pass close inspection? No doubt, with her permission, you will discover.
Lost for words now………. Just please, wear that dress and the finger thing sounds so…. Oh… you know!
Have you noticed my blogs are longer than most?
Why is that?
Have a good day and have fun
5/29/2006 12:55 pm
I will be back later to talk more but I was talking bout the girl at the party that was a lesbina that you fooled the couple with when you both got out of the party early LOL|
5/29/2006 4:22 pm
... ... |
And eroticism rocks!
This is my blog - Comes With Warning Labels. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
RECOMMENDED READING: A F F ... The Only Site For Me?
8/5/2006 6:16 am
Do you have blog envy or something? You mentioned you 'ramble' more than most, which might be true...but not more than ME, btw...MINE is BIGGER, nah NAH! .|