EROTICA FUN GOD HONEST STYLE  

funintheday2006 56M
8366 posts
8/1/2006 10:07 am

Last Read:
1/18/2007 9:24 am

EROTICA FUN GOD HONEST STYLE

Come on lets get real about sex.

I have been looking at a number of the so called erotic stories over the last couple of days and they do not seem possible.

I think imagination and hindsight that obliterates the truth is in play most of the time.

So, the Fun God hereby lowers the post and tells a real life erotic story:

Out with the lads on a weekend get together some years ago and we were all having a good time and generally acting the fool (except me of course, decorum at all times).

Ended up at a club, as you do, and due to the time, dog factor had dropped considerably and here was 12 randy blokes looking for a NSA one nighter.
Listen, do not have a go at me this is a fucking sex site, do not moralise, I wanted a shag. That’s allowed.

Anyhoo, victim selected, in for the kill and, luckily, she was as pissed as me so I pulled. Thank god for dark lighting and Vodka.

Left the club together, just the two of us, (wasn’t having those pervs watch) and ambled over to the taxi rank to ‘go somewhere more comfortable’.

Line a mile long at the taxi stand so, alcohol courage, we decided to walk the 2 miles to ‘my place’.

Being a foreplay expert I groped and grabbed the wench as we walked and, needless to say, it became obvious we were not going to reach our destination before hormonic influences intervened.

A likely spot presented itself in the form of a school. (Listen its 3 o clock in the morning, no kids around). The prefabricated classroom with the nice doorway seemed inviting for a ‘sit down’ so off we ambled.
Actually, I grabbed her hair and ran, she followed.

Anyhoo, in the doorway the fumbling started.

Now come on admit it, first time neither of you knows what the other wants and its trial and error time.

The last thing you want to happen is to be stopped before the dastardly deed is done so, you snog the wench, swap spit, lick the tonsils, anything to take her attention away from the fact you’ve got your hand up her top trying to undo that fucking awkward clip on her bra.
Coz your alcohol tells you unless you give these little beauties a quick squeeze and lip suck, ya ain’t gonna turn the gal on enough to dip your wick.

So, here I am and its almost home base, well it is home base but not NEARLY finished.

She is wearing her top as a necklace, her skirt as a belt and has one leg resting on my hip.
Me, I’ve somehow lost my shirt, trousers and boxers round my ankles and we are giving it good style.

Then, are you ready?????

The fucking alarm goes off and all the exterior lights come on. The street is maybe 25 yards away and we are in full view of the houses there, a number of which are becoming lit up.

You do not think when you are pissed do you??

We ran like hell, the wrong way.

So now we are far enough away not to be seen by the houses, halfway through a shag, in the middle of a school playing field.

There is no way I’m gonna carry on anytime soon, my guts are hurting with laughing and she is trying to look all virginal. (Musta sobered her up a bit!).

Adding insult to injury, I haven’t got my shirt and she still looks like a bag of shit tied in the middle.

Now think about it, this is the first time you’ve met, decided that the call of the hormones have to be obeyed and you find yourself sobering up half dressed with a possible attempted breaking and entering charge! To top it, it’s started raining and you have lost your shirt.

Now we did have a good night in the end but, lets be honest, this is a damn site more usual than the crap about the sensual and erotic liaisons that are imagined. Better bloody laugh too.

Point is there isn’t a point!! Just adding reality to eroticism.

Anyway, if you can’t laugh when you’re screwing you have NO sense of humour.

Tell me about a first for you.
Embarrassing?
Funny?
Erotic?

Spill the beans here, I wont tell anyone



freetime648 52F

8/1/2006 10:46 am

The first time my high school boyfriend decided to "Eat at the Y" he had forgotten one crucial thing....he forgot to remove the gum from his mouth, hence, it getting entangled in the pubic hair I had not learned to shave off yet!!!! My best friend had to come in with the scissors and do it for me!!! Now, no laughing....oh ok, laugh your ass off....I did..the next day!!!!


xx FREETIME648 xx


funintheday2006 replies on 8/1/2006 9:04 pm:
Fuck me rigid free, thats the most erotic thing I ever heard Did you marry him?? What a romantic!! 'Hey babe, I'm gonna wrigley you tomight Priceless

rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
8/1/2006 10:50 am

    Quoting freetime648:
    The first time my high school boyfriend decided to "Eat at the Y" he had forgotten one crucial thing....he forgot to remove the gum from his mouth, hence, it getting entangled in the pubic hair I had not learned to shave off yet!!!! My best friend had to come in with the scissors and do it for me!!! Now, no laughing....oh ok, laugh your ass off....I did..the next day!!!!
I cant top that, omg too funny


funintheday2006 replies on 8/1/2006 9:07 pm:
I cant either It's the thought of the aftermath... will free write the story of her first lesbian experience?? Scissor Virgins, a cut above ???

rm_sexxikritter 52F
2715 posts
8/1/2006 1:01 pm


What a visual that is.


funintheday2006 replies on 8/1/2006 9:08 pm:
TRy running with trousers round your ankles when you've had a drink, it aint easy

blueguy1051 60M

8/1/2006 1:28 pm

I learned to take a little more time determining exactly how drunk a woman is before taking her home. It was all good as she gave me a blow job, but when I came she threw up all over me, the bed, etc. She had been drinking a LOT. It takes forever to get that smell out of your bedroom.


funintheday2006 replies on 8/1/2006 9:09 pm:
Oh blue, that is so NOT erotic Did you clean up and carry on, hey, why waste a drunken woman

Balibabe19 41F

8/1/2006 4:19 pm

Embarrassing? Mmmm that would have to be when I was in my boyfriends bedroom and in the most compromising love lock and his mother awoke and proceeded down the hallway...in panic I literally flew off the bed and dashed behind the door...thought I was safe...think again!!! In a flash of brilliance I decided to squat down so as to use the chair that was in there for cover...mmm bad move..my knees without fail will crack when I get into the squat possie and without fail crack they did...to this day it remains clear as crystal...

Funny? Not sure if this translates to funny anymore but I had a helluva laugh at the time...there was a party and as hook ups usually transpire..not usually alot of planning, mix well with alcohol and stir...I was riding the guy and definitely in the throes of orgasm when his mate walked in...now usually that could transform into embarrassing or kinky roundabout now but instead...he walked in...screamed out "FUCK!!! " and stormed out...now what is funny about that?? not alot but the next exclamation was " FUCKER I said DIBBS!!!" LMAO and we both did!!

Erotic? Not necessarily the most erotic but there are two particular sexual sessions that measure equally in my mind..first, in chronological order, was a rainy Darwin evening and the rain here is incredible..one drop and you are drenched and lovely warm rain tropical storms..we were having sex in the living room and proceeded to lift me outside onto the bonnet of his car and have passionate wet sex out there in the twilight of night as the rain came down..the next was an evening of oysters, pampering and oral pleasures that ended up me bent over the dining table as he proceeded to fuck me...not that erotic you may say but we had a full size reflection from the dining room windows..perfect clarity and it was his first time in really slowing down and feeling what is was like to slowly fuck and experience the pleasures a taut pussy can do...mesmerising, crossing your eyes and pheromone drenched stuff...the air was thick with them...yummy!!


funintheday2006 replies on 8/1/2006 9:11 pm:
You have lived haven't you?? Been in the second situation with my ex wife and her father caught us. We were 15. OH DEAR, not a good day

eveready06 41M

8/1/2006 4:28 pm

Got caught shagging my then girlfriend by an old couple out walking their dog in a park at 4 o'clock in the morning once. Thought we'd be ok at that time but in hindsight maybe should have picked somewhere a bit more discreet than the bit of grass bisecting the path lmao! Looked up, smiled, put my head down and continued with the job in hand Pmsl! I know, a true professional!


funintheday2006 replies on 8/1/2006 9:13 pm:
Dirty bugger!! I am impressed though, 4 o clock in the morning and you found a pro in the park

catkit13 66F

8/1/2006 4:50 pm

my first fuck on a football field: i was celebrating my 25th birthday, and decided to find just the right guy to help me celebrate. picked up a guy at the bar, who i immediately nicknamed "birthday bob" - seems he had roommates, i didn't remember where my apartment was, so we went to a high school football field. had a great time, we went back to the bar, and after that, i never saw him again (i don't think i did, anyway - not sure i'd remember what he looked like )
it was a great end to a great day - i just love birthdays!!! ^:_J


funintheday2006 replies on 8/1/2006 9:15 pm:
Your first? So, we can assume from this you are a regular grass stainer can we? And that you restrict sex to birthdays and being pissed. TRy it sober babe, it's like WOOOOOW. I am speaking from memory of course, I might be wrong

catkit13 66F

8/1/2006 4:51 pm

ps - guess i got the smiley wrong, i'll try again


funintheday2006 replies on 8/1/2006 9:15 pm:
That works

JuicyBBW1001 54F

8/1/2006 5:28 pm

Who are you kidding you would get on the tallest building in the UK with a megaphone and spill everyone's beans. I aint tellin shit. But you can be a judge or participant in my [post 449833]

Juicy


funintheday2006 replies on 8/2/2006 6:01 am:
OO missed this one. On my way

wants2cyber 42F

8/1/2006 5:49 pm

My first love and I were taking every opportunity to get it on, which meant at my apartment between classes. We were in a state of mostly undressed enjoying ourselves when there was a knock at the door. Ignored it, we were supposed to be on campus anyways. Knock again. Go away, for God's sake. Door unlocked and in comes a crew of four maintenance men to work on the air conditioner. The just stood and watched as we scrambled for clothes.


funintheday2006 replies on 8/1/2006 9:17 pm:
You missed out honey, your first gang bang and you dashed for clothes?? Shame on you

economickrisis 54M

8/1/2006 9:05 pm

There was that one time after we knocked off work one evening and there were still a couple of cute ewes hanging around the back of the shearing shed and


funintheday2006 replies on 8/1/2006 9:20 pm:
Hello George. Why am I not surprised?

catkit13 66F

8/1/2006 10:02 pm

    Quoting catkit13:
    my first fuck on a football field: i was celebrating my 25th birthday, and decided to find just the right guy to help me celebrate. picked up a guy at the bar, who i immediately nicknamed "birthday bob" - seems he had roommates, i didn't remember where my apartment was, so we went to a high school football field. had a great time, we went back to the bar, and after that, i never saw him again (i don't think i did, anyway - not sure i'd remember what he looked like )
    it was a great end to a great day - i just love birthdays!!! ^:_J
my first and ONLY football field fuck, ok? and i'm sober and not having sex, tho not by choice
wanna pop across the pond and help me out, fun?


funintheday2006 replies on 8/1/2006 10:38 pm:
I'm swimming already, can't talk, need the breath

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