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A very recent developement in one of my AdultFriendFinder 'friends' has caused me to reflect on just what does life teach a person. Now, I normally approach life and my relationship toward everything with the understanding that no matter what the circumstances are, I am no different than the mass majority, so how I think and how I react is probably no different than 95% of the people would react to any given set of circumstances.
Evidently my conception of the world is W A Y offbase.
About 8 months ago I started a relationship with a man that was to all intente and purposes exactly what I was looking for by my AdultFriendFinder profile. He was a local, single, 46 years old, Nice manners, handsome, attentive, WELL endowed, had no problems playing in front of my husband, liked sex, oral, a good lover and the list can go on. Basically everything I could want.
He typically would come over once a week for 5-7 hours, we would all have dinner watch a little TV and one thing leading to another we would have (to me) very good sex, usually lasting an hour or an hour and a half.
Once he even stayed the night and it was very erotic to have my husband behind me while my lover was in front.
We went through a friendship that we thought was very strong, there were times he came over on weekends and helped us paint our new house, helped plant a tree in the front yard.
In general entered into our lives pretty solidly
My husband had warned me to "Take everything with a little bit of restraint". but I didn't listen. We both (husband and spent a lot of time at one point when this man fell off the wagon, in support of him, a lot of telephone conversations and verbal backing while he was comeing down off a alcoholic plateau. we did not know he had a problem with drinking and changed our habits after to accomodate him.
The fact that he had a problem NEVER bothered me. I was there for support.
during this difficult time he lost his job and was in pretty desperate condition so my husband and I loaned him $1000 to pay his rent and child support and buy some food for the month, and again the next month, another $1000.
All the while helping him list a portfolio online, helping him search for jobs, calling friends to find work for him. on and on.
At the middle of the second month he found work, which was GREAT. Soon after he started finding excuses to not come over, too tired, have allergies, had to work. etc.
Now understand , at this point my husband considered him closer than a brother and I cared a LOT for him. ( No, there was never any interference in my marriage and never would be)
We went, as we often do, to the restaurant he works at, didn't find his car in the lot but decided to have breakfast anyway. When we went in to eat he was working, and looked very surprised to see us (found out why later).
at first he kind of ignored us but eventually came over and sat with us for a bit. When we left he leaned over and gave me a kiss on the cheek as always.
a few days later my husband called him and asked him if he would like to take me out on a "date" .... dinner, a show and ? and then home without my husband being with us. wich goes WAY, WAY outside our agreement for this site.
His answer of "well that sounds OK, I'll just have to FIND THE TIME." kind of ticked my husband off a bit, but he never said anything, other than to let him know.
Normally this man came over on Mondays, but we had not seen him for over 3 weeks. A day or 2 later I got a phone message that was asking if I knew anything about the 'Date"? thing. but when I tried to call back he did not answer.
somewhere in here he called me one evening and we had phone sex, and by the sounds I was to believe he got off.
Now to the point of all of this......At the beginning of this relationship We talked to each other and agreed that if he was to find a girlfriend to just let me know, because I knew that he needed a companion. NO PROBLEM. at all
well yesterday he left an offline email message that told me "I have to be honest, I've been seeing another woman for the past week and a half" I am happy for him ...right? Yes I am... till I start thinking about the timing and phone sex and the date thing and the fact that his car was missing and a lot of other little things
What it boils down too is that he had been seeing this woman for quite a bit longer than a week and a half. Which is his business, we cannot chastise him in any way.....except....He LIED to us and let us continue to think of him as a CLOSE friend while porking this other woman.
the Lieing is what HURTS..a FRIEND DOES NOT LIE TO A FRIEND. we both feel like fools for offering the "date" and believing in him, not knowing he was already involved. and he didn't tell me right then, just kept up the normal train of communication.
We did for him what NO_ONE else would have done, . I know I am not very coherant, but the betrayal hurts. not the fact of the other woman. This will have an adverse effect on ALL future relations I have, and there is nothing I can do to change that,, How could I trust ANYONE again? too bad people have to be so decietful. If he had been honest up front we would still be friends (At least we would be friends to him)
Of course with this developement we have pretty much kissed the $2000 good bye, which may well have been his agenda all along. .....except the loss of job and the sickness were real.
This is what the real damage is, Not knowing what was the truth and what was a lie.
5/30/2006 10:38 am
Wow that really does suck....for you and hubby...good thing it happend now and he did not carry the act any further..to much longer and the hurts would a been worse and he prolly woulda sucked out more money from you too...I certainly feel for you and hubby, a lil honesty a lil sooner would a been nice.|