frogger1995 39F
4342 posts
11/19/2005 7:41 pm

Last Read:
9/26/2006 6:24 pm


There appears to be a recent trend where guys (read: losers) have been told that the quickest way to grab the (positive) attention of a woman is to insult her. A couple of months ago I was watching Dateline or 20/20 or one of those nightly news shows, and they were profiling a "guru" on how to get women.

This was a man most women would admittedly overlook in any nightclub. Yet, he was able to pick up a former Playboy Playmate simply by criticizing her teeth.

I think it's a sad world where the only way a decent man can grab a good looking woman's attention is by insulting her. I think it's even sadder that it seems to work for some women.

I say this because 1) most intelligent, self-respecting women do not fall for this and 2) Most men will never do it in such a way that it actually works.

Case in point: I had a date the other night with blackpussy4me. Since I am a considerate person, to save him some face I will not point out why I accepted his offer...and he and I both know why that was.

He ended our dinner by saying he thought I was more of a 6 in person, as opposed to my pictures, which are definitely a 10. He was amazed that the "famous porn star from AdultFriendFinder" (yes, he actually used that term) looked so ordinary in real life. "Perhaps if you had dressed sexier, like you do in your photos," he might have given me a higher score; As though I was supposed to show up in a corset and garter belt. After pointing out that I had arrived straight from work (in my work clothes) at his insistence I abruptly cut off all communication and made a quick departure.

Realizing I was upset, he quickly turned sour grapes on me and wrote a pissed off e-mail the next day claiming that (among other things) most men probably fed me a bunch of BS just to get me into bed. Then, when I never responded, he called the next day to try and patch things up....Too late!

Did his words strike a nerve...of course. Did they grab my attention...yes, but not in the way he was hoping for.

I have enough of my share of admirers who have seen me in real life (both on and off AdultFriendFinder) not to take too much of what was said by this man to heart. But for all of those who think this is the way to go...get advice from an actual woman, not some "guru" or self help book.

If you are going to go the insult route...either learn how to do it properly (I honestly can't think of a scenario that would work)...or just be a decent guy.

Things to be Happy About:

Good Apples that Keep the Bunch From Spoiling
Glass Beads
Fabric Swatches
Skirt Slits
Sling-back Pumps

rm_Pike2489 46M

11/19/2005 11:58 pm

Man that sucks. Sorry that happened but I guess you get both the good and the bad from this site.

What I don't get though is why some girls get treated like shit but they still go out with the same guys. Don't get it.

Why are glass beads happy to be about by the way? I agree with the skirt slits by the way.

danteszippo 52M
3882 posts
11/20/2005 12:05 am

Hey- Don't take this LOSERS words to heart. If you think about it, it actaully sounds like the guy is a women user, like women are there to please/serve his needs or wants, and doesn't know or understand women at all...not a real man who finds sexiness in women even when they are not dolled up.

He should feel like an ass for even uttering such hurtful and stupid words, what guy would actually say that to a woman?! it's obvious he wasn't a decent guy. you deserve much more, don't settle for less. You have a body guys would die for (me included!! Yummmmm.) don't sweat the small stuff... or idiots with small brains like him.

rm_unlistedone 65M
2718 posts
11/20/2005 12:26 am

The movie "Hitch" might have been part of the problem, also. When he handed the girl and hundred, asked her to deliver the beers over to the pool table. She immediately became insulted and went after him.

Some may have taken that as a way of getting attention. What they may have failed to see though, it was just a lead in to get the ladies attention. (That was with a smile and easy, good mannered conversation.)

Maybe it's my age, or the way I was taught. A lady is still a lady... and should always be treated that way.

And in my humble opinion, a lady should never settle for anything less. Have a great week, frogger... unlisted

excited045 56M
92 posts
11/20/2005 12:46 am

Any man(women) for that matter should know by now, being we are"adults" that if you dont have anything good to say dont say anything. This person should learn to grow up. The porn star comment is way over the top. As Dantes said he is a woman user. He has no self awareness and he self centered. Please dont take it to heart. I still think you are stunning. I only wish I lived in TX. Have a good weekend!!

rm_thickguy81 36M

11/20/2005 12:53 am

Damn that sounds like something from the movie Hitch. Yeah I saw that 20/20 too and laughed my ass off. I thought that was a ridiculous segment and was a waste of time. From my experience I've found women like confident guys that are nice, but not pushovers. So that insult route made me laugh and thought of the old "nice guys finish last" term. I'm sorry that there are dickheads in the world who don't know how to treat a lady. I hope that this hasnt' soured too much you look to sweet to be soured

Jobe00 42M
211 posts
11/20/2005 2:21 am

Dude sounds like a Real Winner(tm).
I've heard of this bullshit technique myself, and disregarded it.

Anyone that thinks a woman or man is going to look like photos that are posed for will always be in for disappointment.

Of course, as said, women like decent guys with confidence. Unfortunately, they tend to put more emphasis on the confidence than the decency. Thus, so many women wind up with arrogant jerks instead of guys that will treat them right.

frangipanigal 44F
10406 posts
11/20/2005 3:03 am

Can I just say that the only way he will EVER get so many people looking at his profile is by your mention of his name. Hopefully the women that viewed him to see who the rude prick was (excuse the French) also used the "block" button at the same time. What a waste of your night,...sorry!!

Frangi x

Bliss282 46M
1 post
11/20/2005 5:22 am

I totally agree. Men who treat women rudely dont deserve to be called gentlemen but dobermen. My apologies to kind dogs hehe

frogger1995 39F

11/20/2005 5:48 am

Pike2489: It's women like that who make it worse for the rest of us. As for glass beads..they are so pretty!

danteszippo: Yes, I have found that writing this has helped me to vent...time to move on!

unlistedone: I saw the movie and could just imagine the wheels spinning in many men's heads (sigh!) But you are right...there is a way to do it and a way NOT to do it.

excited045: I think self-centeredness is one of his problems. He actually labeled himself a 7...and if you'd seen him you would have laughed at that.

thickguy81: I think the movie showed that a little. The men he "trained" all seemed confident but not jerks or pushovers. That is the way to go.

Jobe00: Exactly...the pictures I have posted here are one side of me...not what I am everyday in real life. Had he been a gentleman then he may have been able to see that side...his loss.

frangipanigal: Your French is nothing compared to mine I'm sure he is quickly regretting his actions.

1023 posts
11/20/2005 6:24 am

Dad always said,"You attract more flys with honey than you do with vinegar."

Sounds like his told him that no matter how insignifagant you feel inside, just make them think you're out of their league. Does'nt he understand that women do the choosing and men are chosen? Can I suggest looking outside of that lil state of yours and maybe finding someone from somwhere... maybe say.... the East Coast?[size4] ^_^

Oh, I feel so small right now.

frogger1995 39F

11/20/2005 6:55 am

Bliss282: Yes...Retrievers and cocker spaniels can knock on my dorr anyday.

AlbertPrince 57M

11/20/2005 7:37 am

Hey I know it's your birthday today so come on over to my post Happy Birthday and blow out your candle. xx

craptoast 39M

11/20/2005 7:57 am

as a double loser, i have enough trouble vocalizing compliments much less being able to dish out insults. it's not that i don't think you're pretty, i just can't for the life of me say out loud to you. oh the shame in it.

WildWon1982 34M

11/20/2005 8:59 am

Sadly, it's not just the guru that makes guys think this is an acceptable way to get a woman.

Any guy between the ages of 20 and 35 has seen one or more of these stupid teen movies that come out, where there's always the character that gets the hot chick, even though he's a complete asshole. In one such film (term used loosely), "Whatever it Takes," the guy who fawns over the most popular girl is advised that he has to insult her to get her, and when they go out, the only way she'll react and talk to him is if he calls her feet fat. It not only works, but it works to the point where she shows up at his door in leapard-spotted underwear, begging him to take her to prom. In the "American Pie" movies, Seann William Scott's "Stiffler" gets women like he's sampling produce. In "Dazed in Confused," Matthew McConaughey scouts teenagers at the bowling alley who like him because he's older, despite being a jerk.

And that's just the movies. The music, TV, magazines, there's a lot of shit out there that guys in my age range actually believe works to get women. Ironically enough, most of these scenarios are written by guys who never get laid, living out a fantasy through their writing. Kind of sad really, but then again, maybe the reason my work never gets picked up is because I write realistic situations based on experience, rather than using my power of pen to control the women of my world, and bend them to my creative whim. Guess I'm not mysoginistic enough yet.

walldodger1969 70M
16 posts
11/20/2005 9:49 am

geesh! can't believe he said those things....Wait I said something sutpid 41 yrs. ago ,still blush at the conversation.Would love to appologize but she has probably fogot,hope so at least. Good luck with the next "nice" guy .

walldodger1969 70M
16 posts
11/20/2005 9:50 am

geesh! can't believe he said those things....Wait I said something stupid 41 yrs. ago ,still blush at the conversation.Would love to appologize but she has probably fogot,hope so at least. Good luck with the next "nice" guy .

Travelin2dFridge 41M
8 posts
11/20/2005 10:25 am

Here in Texas you want a gal's attention ya buy her 2 beers. Them bottle ones.

txguy6419 46M

11/20/2005 11:36 am

I'm sure you've dealt with enough men to know what you like and don't like. Insulting people isn't really the way to go. You deserve a guy that can respect and care for you.

XysmaHintsArras 45

11/20/2005 12:03 pm

I cant believe that guy. What an ass..If you treat others the way you want to be treated, this should never happen. I am insulted that this guy even considers himself a man..UGH

rm_TNmbigshaft 39M

11/20/2005 12:07 pm

You sure this guy was man? Sounds like he was a dog to me. I've seen animals treated better than he treated you last night. I was raised a Gentleman, so I can't understand why a woman would be attracted to that nor do I understand why a man would treat a woman like that.

im_your_man77 39M
961 posts
11/20/2005 12:09 pm

Whatever happened to respect? Its a sad day when a man can't be respectful, it doesn't cost anything to find something nice to say. Its all too easy saying what we don't like about a person but it only takes a moment to stop and think what we say to one another. There really is no need for insults.
I don't want to be seen as someone who is calling for the polite police to enforce the old rules of etiquette but I do think some people out there have to start treating others like human beings if they do so they might even be responded to like a human being. Maybe when 'sisters started doing it for themselves' some men thought it wasn't necessary or required to be respectful to women. Even today I still open a door for a woman, I don't consider that as me being a pushover, I'm well aware she can do it for herself, I just do it anyway, but then again I do it for man or woman. Although I must admit when I'm doing my christmas shopping it can be a pain, especially when 247 people leave the store and 231 enter before I can even get in the door, takes all day just to go from shop to shop. Although it is always nice when 17 of those people remember to say 'thank you'. Occassionally others who don't even acknowledge your existance as you open the door for them can be irritating but wit does not excuse bad manners.

Anyway I've meandered from what I meant to say, I'm quite sure you didn't need his compliments, from what I've read you are quite a confident person, I just don't think it excuses his actions. There are many people who would have been deeply hurt by his words. I don't see the need to be rude or insulting to anyone, none of us know how unsecure another person is, we all have our own insecurities to deal with. If you can't say anything good, say nothing at all but if you can say something nice, it doesn't cost anything to say it.

bella_ 47F
4030 posts
11/20/2005 1:01 pm

Hmmm...I can't say that I would have a wonderful reaction to an insult either...although my response would have been to the effect that he did not ask my opinion about him...but here it is anyway.

TalonDuddyTonks 47M
659 posts
11/20/2005 1:50 pm

It does amaze me what works for some men... however that would not be my approach....

I also do not think that you could ever be a 6... even after just waking up after a rough night out..

all i can say is his loss...

rm_HotFunInMN 50M
18 posts
11/20/2005 2:32 pm

I do not understand people rating other peoples attractiveness on a number system really. Never been able to describe how much I desire a woman with a single number.

This whole trend of using insults, as pick up lines is troubling. I meet an overwhelming number of angry woman already. This is only going to make things tougher on me.

frogger1995 39F

11/20/2005 2:35 pm

AlbertPrince: Hmmmm. you are the second person to say that...Actually Wed is the day...but thanks anyway.

craptoast: I'll take silence over an insult any day.

WildWon1982: I've always thought hollywood was full of crap. You'll notice how the Chick Flicks and Dick Flicks are like complete polar opposites when it comes to how to pick up women. Perhaps men should not be so opposed to watching Chick Flicks.

GQNY638: he is definitely a loser...and a jerk

walldodger1969: I'm sure he is probably already regretting his statements...maybe I have saved future women from the same disaster with him.

Travelin2dFridge: That's a sure way to get my attention

txguy6419: I think every woman deserves that...men should learn from this.

firegod26: Exactly! Even if you do feel that way...it is prudent to keep it to yourself...especailly on the first date.

TNmbigshaft: Well he may not be a complete man...if you knew him you would know what I meant. (he does )

im_your_man77: I am just as much a feminist as the next and even I enjoy it when a man holds the door open for me and does other little "patroning" things like that. It separates the gentlemen from the troglodites.

As for the insult, some men (people really) prey on insecurity. I'm sure he was hoping I would wilt and have second thoughts about myself and simply be grateful that he was giving me the time of day. Well, that plan backfired.

bella_: LOL, the thought did cross my mind...but I just wanted to get out of there at that point.

NameIsRace: Definitely his loss...had he kept his mouth shut he could have seen that "10 from the photos" Oh well, on to the next man.

007sexy40plus 51F  
7603 posts
11/20/2005 6:15 pm

The best way to deal with an insensitive man is to feed him, in the same manner he fed you, I would have told him that I thought he was a real man and not a boy.

A man doesn't sit at a table with a lady then insult her in the end. A man would sit through dinner and then if he dont feel it went well for hisself then, just dont make another date.

I hate ignorant ass cracks like that. I think thats why I never made many dates all because of things like that.

Sorry Frogger, the man just dont have taste. and that 6 he was referring too was his penis size, or his IQ, not your rating.

I am the real deal! "Come Get Me!!!"

rm_Ptalk1155 34M
3450 posts
11/20/2005 6:33 pm

You know, I don't understand that he wasn't impressed you were willing to show up right from work dressed as you were. If anything, it allows him to see who you are when you're not here and when you're not dressing to impress. I'd actually be interested in meeting that side of you simply because it is different than the side we see here in blog land (not that I mean to imply I don't like this side).

His loss for being a jerk.

frogger1995 39F

11/20/2005 7:04 pm

HotFunInMN: LOL. You do NOT want to insult an already angry woman...hell hath no fury.

longhairednikki: Exactly...a man with actual confidence would never have to stoop to such a level

gentile_sadico 51M
1368 posts
11/20/2005 7:58 pm

some guys are just pathetic, i'll stick to being a decent guy...

rm_bigmike9994 46M

11/20/2005 10:02 pm

Frogger...i only wish i live near you...man..well anyway this guy is a jerk and most guys act like idiots...plz not all of us are like that so plz forgive the rest of us. sorry u had a bad time...i think your beautiful..mike

rm_VoodooGuru1 49M
2053 posts
11/21/2005 4:03 am

Sorry Frogger.

Haven't heard of this as some kind of pick-up scheme, but I've done it. Yeah, in third grade I threw a snowball at Pam Knapp (I liked her) and ran home laughing.

Charlie Sheen used it on Jennifer Grey in "Ferris"; "You know my sister wears a lot of eye-make-up...."

kittylicker382 48M

11/21/2005 4:37 am

Hi from Canada,Dollface.Happy (late,sorry) Thanksgiving.I just wanted to say about the "6" comment.Fuck him!!!! You are a beautiful intelligent woman with a killer bod and what appears to be a healthy sense of humor.he was "blessed" even to be in your presence.There are men out here who appreciate all a woman has to offer and I should think you have plenty!!!! Have a good day hon!!!!

GenuaFoursHangs 53M
96 posts
11/21/2005 5:30 am

Hey Frogger,

Between your episode with the Post Office and this guy, you have had quite a run of it lately. My Grandmother always said bad things run in "3's". Hopefully you have had your third.

Anyway, I could really understand why you would have been interested in this guy anyways? His grammer and spelling suck in his profile. He doesn't even sound intelligent. I am really sorry you had to go through that. I am not sure a 6 rating is even appropriate,....................maybe minus 6.

Just have faith that there are some good men around that would love to spend anytime with you,.............and I am one of them.



Polo32577 39M

11/21/2005 9:21 am

this guru sounds like an ass...both my father as well as my mother have taught me how to respect women since an early age...i an average guy, but i have gotten together with beautiful women without having to rely on disrespecting them to get their attention, just being myself is enough...so the hell with this guru and his ideas

mm6342 53M
199 posts
11/21/2005 11:16 am

well now for my two cents , since the dawn of time women are far more attracted to the bad boy image than the nice guy ive seen far too many times . hence the fact that I am still single

jakblack36 48M

11/21/2005 11:43 am

In Chicago we refer to theses guys as punks. Punks cause a lot of problems for decent guys like myself. You see after a woman has been with a punk they are often very skeptical of the next guy ( usually that's me) who treats them with respect. Congratulations on getting up and leaving. It was right thing to do in that situation. F*&ck him he will get his in the end.

mikrocam 40M

11/21/2005 12:38 pm

I have to ask Frogger, did he get your attention by mumbling something about a huge prick? because he certainly sounds like one!
love your pics, love your blog, dont love the fact your soooo far away and unmeetable!

rm_tyshalle48 46M
2 posts
11/21/2005 3:24 pm

Most times when people start criticizing or putting down other people it is because of some inadequacy they have which they think they can cover up by distracting other people with rude words. The movie Hitch and the 20/20 story only made things worse by letting alot of guys into a "great" technique to pick up women. I have found that the best way to break into a conversation is with humor, everyone enjoys to laugh and meeting new people is supposed to be an enjoyable experience.

frogger1995 39F

11/22/2005 2:35 pm

straightten2002: Very likely

Ptalk1155: I should have known better when he mentioend that my recent posts were "boring" because I wasn't having sex every night.

xntrickk: I think most women would appreciate that.

bigmike9994: Welcome back! and thanks.

VoodooGuru1: Her character is the very kind of woman that would buy it. Guys should know...it didn't work in the 2nd grade...it certainly won't work now!

kittylicker382: I think most women have more to offer than their looks...which go away after a while.

dutch400: Yes, and the grammar in his messages suck as well...just goes to show how immature he is.

Polo32577: Case in point!

mm6342: I garuntee it will not last. Once a woman worth being with has been with a Bad Guy she will come running to guys like you.

jakblack36: I think he already has...it's hard enough meeting straight women on this site without a bad rep. I almost feel sorry for him...almost

mikrocam: LOL or maybe a small prick!

tyshalle48: Most women, myself included, are suckers for funny guys.

tayninh2: Next time I shall keep that in mind ?*

singlequietone 67M
232 posts
11/23/2005 7:29 pm

You completely blow the top off of a 1 to 10 scale. Anyone that sees you around a 6 is WAY,WAY off the mark. Obviously, I think you are awesome!!

rm_CheckpointeC 38M
2 posts
11/26/2005 2:34 am

All right...here's the thing:

Understandably, the notion of insulting a woman to get her to like you seems like a third grade idea. However, there are other considerations that need to be taken into account.

Obviously, the guy in your case was going about his approach wrong. However, as evidenced by all the lonely nice guys out there, the whole being decent, respectful, and nice doesn't have the desired result either.

How many guys in this thread alone have tried to demonstrate all three of those characteristics, and yet...what sets them apart?
No offense intended, guys, but most of you sound the same, and in many ways, your sympathy smacks of insincerity. A closer translation would be...jah, that guy is a dumbass. I'm nice and sympathetic: fuck me instead.

The problem for most guys is how to get women to notice them in the first place. What sets you apart and makes her want to choose you over the others? In many cases, not much, which is unfortunate. You go on and on about why you are a great catch, which very well may be true, but so what? Most guys say that. Everyone with a profile here has an agenda, why act as if that isn't so?

Sure you get more flies with honey, but how concerned are you about gettng the right flies at that point? Or is it just any flies that are close enough? And what does that say about you?

I don't think you need to insult a woman, (although i don't think you should have to tolerate ill behaviour on her part, either...) but the idea is to be comfortable enough around her, just being yourself, that you can joke with her. Bust on her a bit. Create banter and whatnot. Don't be mean, but have fun and keep things interesting.

I am not sure about the whole guru thing, but i would guess that his message was closer to what i'm talking about than what the other guy did. I could be wrong, but that would make sense.

(Yes...i realise that there will probably be a fallout from this, assuming that anyone notices, eh? I did weigh in rather late in the game...)


donald683 38M
2 posts
2/1/2006 2:11 am

Can I explore your body.

rm_CiuteCat 40F
48 posts
2/11/2006 11:45 am

Hi, Frogger,

why make a big thing of an ignorant person? The idea of getting a woman's attention by insults sounds ridiculous to me - yet I know some girls where a certain rudeness works, deplorably so.
Happily I am not much into engagement with guys, prefering women to be with, have a relationship with. But that does not mean that some women would not try a similar thing to make sure they take on a dominant part in a woman to woman relationship. That is but insignificantly better, and their insults are more to the point, also.
I would tell such a guy to get lost as quick as possible, but some girls seem to try and 'turn him around' and actually behave in a way that could only be described as 'to his service'. It is sure sad to see that interaction between m / f or people in general is sometimes quite archaic, still, or so it would appear. What is the fun in it? On the woman's side, I do not know, since I would not feel amused; on a man's side: can he like that woman? I think not; it reminds me of treating a rent car that you drive recklessly because you don't care if it breaks down - and that one doesn't as a civilized person.
Still, we have to live in this world and consequently with this and other types of people, we only can draw our own conclusions and go in accordance. Going in accordance with what you theoretically find right is not always easy if you want something else, want to change someone maybe; after all love also means forgiving. But there is a limit and you should give your love to someone who recognizes, accepts and respects you properly. There are enough guys or girls of the latter sort around, they are less loud, less extravagant, maybe less self confident, so get overlooked some times. Seems I wrote the last sencence for myself, it seems all too often I overlooked the right people myself.

We have some pretty shitty shows on TV over here, too. If you would go by what people ('guests') would do in there, you had to think we live in a madhouse - as we probably do.

But women are like sailing ships: they may have to trim sails in a storm - but they ride it up, they don't sink easily.

Better luck next time!


rm_CiuteCat 40F
48 posts
2/11/2006 12:15 pm

H, Frogger,

always keep independant from comments of those people as you have written of, in restaurant or TV show, guru or scholar.


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