To Marry, Or Not To Marry? That Is The Question  

frogger1995 39F
4342 posts
10/24/2005 8:09 pm

Last Read:
9/26/2006 6:12 pm

To Marry, Or Not To Marry? That Is The Question

My recent “episode” has forced me to seriously consider settling down…something I had not seriously considered before. Even when all of my, slightly older, friends were taking their long awaited walks down the aisle, I congratulated them and went on my merry single way.

I have mixed emotions about moving in this direction:

I like the idea of someone I can have trustworthy, continual sex with.
But I hate the idea of not having a pink bedroom

I like the idea of having someone to move the heavy stuff (like my broken upstairs TV)
But I hate the idea of not having control over the thermostat and TV clicker

I like the idea of getting a REALLY BIG engagement ring to show off
But I hate the idea of giving up my counter space in the bathroom

I like the idea of having someone to help pay the mortgage
But I hate the idea of having to compromise on what to have for dinner

I like the idea of a guaranteed movie date
But I hate the idea of giving up my closet space, which is already bursting at the seams

I like the idea of someone to occasionally cook dinner and clean up
But I hate the idea of having to be reminded of my own mess

I like the idea of traveling around the world with someone I love
But I hate the idea of deciding which family to visit during holidays

Marriage can suck. Two of my friends just got married. One’s husband cheated on her already. The other just got Shingles. According to the doctor, it’s due to stress.

Marriage can be wonderful. Two of my co-workers are married. One just had a fairy-tale wedding to a husband who lets her have her way. Another is ditching the family deal at Christmas and escaping to England instead.

Perhaps a coin toss is in order....

Things to be Happy About:

Spinach Dip
Cheap Tasty wine
Moms who love you
The Daily Show
Cell phones

digdug41 49M

10/24/2005 8:37 pm

I dont know I'm real shaky on that marriage shit and I am married but hey like eddie murphy put it in raw dont go out and find the perfect person just find somebody as fucked up as you are and get married I shouldn't have listened .find the perfect person for you.

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

Sweetest_Sin_Jes 36F

10/24/2005 8:44 pm

I am married and still have my pink bedroom. My hubby knew first hand about a few things that I simply would NOT give up, and my love of pink roses was one of them! I'm happy to say that my hubby has never given me a hard time about this EVER! He has his "hunting room" (the office is covered with deer, ducks, etc.), so I guess it's an even trade!


ewan_1973 44M

10/24/2005 8:46 pm

Frogger, I don't care if you marry, as long as you keep writing.
By know I love you, so if you do decide to marry, let me know. I will cook for you.


rm_txrose4uNTX 57F
3289 posts
10/24/2005 8:49 pm

Good luck in which ever path you choose. If I had my way, I would get married again some day - just a minor problem right now; don't think I have met THE guy just yet, albeit I have met some very interesting guys.


WildWon1982 34M

10/24/2005 9:24 pm

I almost got married once. The clincher in the negative wasn't anything to do with my relationship with her. It was her younger counterpart. She had a kid. I'm actually glad she did, cause it gave me a taste of what family life would be like. And that led me to realize that I wasn't ready to be a parent.

As much as you're playing pro/con, you gotta take into account that if you "settle" you'll eventually have to have kids. If you're not ready to be a mom, then don't get married, keep having fun, use protection, etc.

rm_Alankink27 47M

10/24/2005 10:03 pm

I would ask you to mary me..but I think that marriage is something that is now we have to say we are married just to live, get old, and die with your best friend? The fun part is being together and discovering each other, my problem is I haven't found that one person who will make sure that the plug is pulled from the machine..I don't care about medical paper work, living wills, and that crap, I want to know that she will know when I have had enough..reach down pull the plug and say..I love baby..see ya me a good woman is hard to find..keep doing what you do...dude..and love ya, Alan

GenuaFoursHangs 53M
96 posts
10/24/2005 11:21 pm

Hi Frogger1995,

You have just asked the million dollar question! Do I, or don't I?

Each concept has it's own "the grass is alsways greener" feel and reality.

I believe each side of the fence has it's +'s and -'s. You have to be willing to sacrifice some things in either arena. Not to say that it is a bad thing. Just be aware of what side of the fence really looks better.

It is not really one of those questions that others can answer for you, but rather one that comes to fruitition on it's own. That is at least the way I found it to be.

Let me know how the story ends. I would be curious to know your answer.



CanberraPlayer 35M

10/25/2005 12:59 am

Some of my friends are starting to get married now, including a few of my ex-gf's. It's always tempting to just walk down the aisle without thinking of the consequences, but the high divorce rate is a fact (and out of those that don't divorce, how many are really happy). Kudos for not caving into pressure. Oh and I agree with your previous article on women and glasses; some girls make it look really sexy.

TheQuietGuy2005 54M
2386 posts
10/25/2005 1:19 am

Marriage brings all the ups and downs you've listed - and many more. But going into a marriage - or even a committed, monogamous relationship - should be about more than that.

I don't mean children - unlike WildWon I don't believe that marriage necessarily implies offspring. It just seems to me that you need to find someone that you feel you want to spend the rest of your life with before you start thinking of marriage.

God knows marriages don't always work out and "forever" seems like a wish rather than an intention (I know, I've been through two of them now!) but it seems to me that too pragmatic an approach is as bad as a too dreamy one!

After all, you can be more careful without getting married. Talk about using a sledgehammer to crack a nut!

flithymind 38M
40 posts
10/25/2005 8:22 am

Wow... seems I'm late on the scene. Just discovered your blog by accident as it was in the "actively watched blogs list" and *clunk* jaw hit the floor when I saw your pic.

In a word: Wow.

Two words: Wow-wow.

Never get married. Don't deprive the male race of you.

rm_gent258 68M
486 posts
10/25/2005 9:46 am

Marriage works for some people and it works if the right two people get together. You,do however, have to give up something to get something. Only you can answer the question: Is it worth it? My last marriage was so bad that I never want to do it again, but there are other people--friends of mine--who are in wedded bliss. Go figure.

fishy7425 44M

10/25/2005 9:52 am

The whole marriage thing is definitely a crap shoot of sorts. Either way you go (getting married or staying single), you give up something. I think I mentioned before that I'm engaged and living with my fiance. This is the first time (hopefully the last too) that I've taken this step and let me tell you, that adjustment period you hear about is no myth! I understand your fears and I'm sorry to say that I'm not sure if they ever completely go away.

Since she moved in I've taken on pets that crap and pee on my rugs, and seen my usually clean home collect all sorts of trash. (I thought girls were supposed to be clean!) And yes - I have completely relinquished my double vanity bathroom counter (except for a two inch border around my sink - damn ya'll have a bunch of "necessities"!). We have issues about the clicker and closet space, and family stuff, etc. We have even gone to the dark side and had issues with decreased sexual frequency (which really got me worried that I had made a horrible mistake).

But I think the key is finding someone you can approach with your concerns and worries. Yeah, we have issues - everyone does! But we can talk to each other about them and work it out.

I guess you just have to wait until you find that person for whom you don't mind changing room colors or sharing closet space. When you find the right one, things that used to be deal-breakers may not seem like such a big deal anymore.

But let me just say this too - if that decrease in sex ever rears its ugly head again, she's outa here!

mustang65695 58M
54 posts
10/25/2005 10:20 am

Don't try to get married, it will just happen you will know when you have met the right person and the time will be right! The best time to find something is too quit looking for it.

trustno01 55M  
2364 posts
10/25/2005 2:31 pm

I am not married. Not sure if I ever will get married. It sounds nice and safe. I have had "live-in's" and it seems to put a cramp in both our styles. But I agree there is just seems to be way to much to give up. Besides the items you stated, there is kids or no kids. Deciding where to go for vacation. What type of vehicle should you buy. Money in a joint account or seperate accounts (almost got burned on that one). Do you go to one of their "friends" for a party even though you cannot stand that person.

The more I spend single the more I enjoy my freedom. But who knows.

rm_HotFunInMN 50M
18 posts
10/25/2005 2:52 pm

Things to be Happy About:

Realizing you don't have all the answers
Sexy Smart Ladies
Gals with soothing feminine voices
Big poutty lips
Back of your mates neck
Woman with good taste in lingerie
Frogger1995's blog

frogger1995 39F

10/25/2005 4:25 pm

Yes all. I realize I need to find the "right person." I probably met him a while back and missed my opportunity by having fun. Oh well. This post was mostly tongue in cheek but it is at the back of my mind right now.

toothysmile 50M
16515 posts
10/25/2005 5:34 pm

Hi Frogger,

you can get married and get a bigger house! [double closet space?]...
Don't worry about it too much...
When the time comes, you 'll know...

PS: I still have a batch of strawberries for you...

rm_Balanon2 49M
193 posts
10/25/2005 5:45 pm

To wed, or not to wed; that is the question;
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The bills and house rent of a wedded fortune,
Or to say "nit" when he proposes,
And by declining cut him. 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To wed for life;
To wed; perchance to fight; ay, there's the rub;
For in that married life what fights may come,
When we have honeymooning ceased
Must give us pause; there's the respect
That makes the joy of single life.

Slightly modified version of "The Bachelor's Soliloquy" by Edgar Albert Guest in turn taken from Hamlet's soliloquy. I'll post the full unmodified version in my own blog (which I tend to largely ignore too).

smilesalot4488 60M

10/25/2005 6:18 pm

Oh my - keep this pro/cons list for a good laugh once you have children.

Wait until your daughter tells you that you're a right wing nut job because you read Mother Jones and the Village Voice instead of the Socialist Worker.

Or you have to pass on a Vonnegut book reading to attend your son's best friend's chuckie cheese birthday party. And you'll go without a 2nd thought just to see why the hammer doesn't help the gopher eat the double cheese pizza.

rm_bella_ 47F
4030 posts
10/25/2005 7:01 pm

You seem to have some valid points...but isn't marriage about comprimise. I am willing to comprimise if someone is for me...50/50...

silverfoxrun 40M

10/25/2005 7:42 pm

I don't believe in marriage. Not anymore anyway. PPL don't compromise, we have been shaped for far too long to be individuals and value it. When you decide to share your life with someone you end up having to compromise goals, ideals, friends, etc. Not always but a lot. At least in the friend marriages i've seen. And I'm sorry but what I've worked for I'm keeping. So keep your grubby little hands off it.

charleslamb4077 37M
90 posts
10/25/2005 9:20 pm

I have always been told that marrige was not one of those mental "Is it worth it?" questions. Maybe that is just a vestige of the small town country upbringing both my parents recieved. I think being ready to settle down is simply a matter of personal satisfaction. If you are comfortable with yourself and where you are going, then find the person who fits you almost happens by itself. I say almost because there are things a person can do to avoid meeting people, but that just goes back to understanding yourself now does it not?

AlbertPrince 58M

10/26/2005 3:39 am

You might as well wait for me.

frogger1995 39F

10/26/2005 5:10 am

Ok, writing this as I buzz out the door to work. I will address everyone later but

smilesalot4488: Thanks for the laugh....I certainly hope your predictions about our future youth are true!

Bella: That is the hardest I really ready to compromise in life?

eastend79 38M

10/26/2005 11:12 am

Considering My parents were divorced, Both step parents are divorced, 60% of my coworkers are divorced (mostly through their spouse cheating on them) Why the heck would I want to make that same mistake?

But I guess that comes with the territory of my enviornment/workplace.

rm_BrownRod1000 49M

10/28/2005 5:35 pm

Don't worry about it. If you do find that right someone, all your worries and concerns will take care of themselves.

Just Enjoy your life.


singlequietone 67M
232 posts
11/23/2005 7:55 pm

I never really looked at marriage seriously, and stayed single. But now that see and read what you have to say, I really would consider it with someone like you. Want to? I think you are really awesome!

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