The Old Double Standard Strikes Again  

frogger1995 39F
4342 posts
10/25/2005 4:35 pm

Last Read:
9/26/2006 6:12 pm

The Old Double Standard Strikes Again


I was talking to an Adultfriend a while ago. This is one that I have not had sex with as we’ve mostly been talking back and forth and going to dinner on occasion. Back when I was still sleeping with Adultfriends he expressed his concern at the number of men I had already been with, 9 total in my life. This was coming from a man, I later found out, has slept with about 100 women in his life! That is over 10 times the number of partners I have slept with, and you can just bet that some of his weren’t fully protected.

A handful of my other Adultfriends have also commented on my numbers...all of whom have had more partners than I have had. I don’t get it. Is it the concern over what I may have or is it the fact that I am a woman and thus should be more chaste? One man admitted to it being the latter. He was very much the jealous type. Another admitted to the former, namely that I was playing a numbers game with my health (a valid point).

My best friend (who has been with almost 20 men) mentioned that her husband had recently commented on the fact that women today are “acting like men.” He stated that we watch too much Sex in the City and thus feel the need to compete. I have to admit that shows like that have influenced my lack of chastity, but that doesn’t make me a slut or a whore (or a man for that matter).

Why can’t I be appalled when I find out that a prospective partner has been with over 50, 20, or even 10 other women? Why do men get away with their numbers and we women have to lie about it. A recent study determined that most women do in fact lie about their numbers. They did three different tests under different conditions. One was given where the women thought that the interviewer would know their answers and one was given when the women thought they were hooked up to a lie detector. Their numbers went up 100% when they thought they were being asked while hooked up to a lie detector. There was no substantial difference when it came to men.

I am not proud of my numbers. But I am not ashamed of them either. I have been careful and I have been tested. My numbers are just a simple fact about me and my history, like what town I grew up in or what my major was in college. Take them or leave them.

Non Sequitur: I have to congratulate the Astros for developing my formerly non-existent interest in baseball. But how the hell do you FUCK UP being tied at the bottom of the ninth with a man on third and only 1 out ?!?!?!?!

Things to be Happy About:

Sourdough Bread Bowls with Clam Chowder
Lewis Black
The animals in PetSmart
Daylight
California Rolls


big1atfortpolk 36M

10/25/2005 11:18 pm

I dont understand the double standard either. I think women should not have to worry about their numbers just as men do. I think a lot of it has more to do with men being slightly more possesive and our competitive nature. A lot of men start to wonder if they can compete with, for example, those 9 other men, and how they stack up. I think instead of wanting to sound insecure about something like that, they turn it into the numbers issue. love the blogs, keep it up.


charleslamb4077 37M
90 posts
10/25/2005 11:59 pm

"Why can’t I be appalled when I find out that a prospective partner has been with over 50, 20, or even 10 other women?"

You CAN and you should.

"Why do men get away with their numbers and we women have to lie about it."

Women let men get away with it and they think we are all in on it. Do not put up with that. I think you will find support from both sides of the fence.

Frogger I have read your blog since joined AdultFriendFinder about two and a half weeks ago. You are an amazing person and very intelligent. I think your stats are very reasonable. As for your "friends" that have been so crued as to comment on your numbers, I bet their purity test scores could not even begin to hold a candel to yours. If they were honest about it. And that is appalling.


JarrodSparrow 33M

10/26/2005 12:37 am

I personally think that all of it is garbage. A person past history is only important up to the point that they tell you they are clean.

After that point, the number of partners they've had is a moot point.

Who gives a crap if they've slept with 20 or 200 people so long as they are STD free and happy?

I personally believe that past history only fucks up current relationships, so leave it where it is: the past.

Jarrod


danteszippo 52M
3884 posts
10/26/2005 12:38 am

Any guy who likes to have sex with many women and then holds it against a woman for acting the same is simply a hypocrite and they suck. I love a sexy experienced woman. They know what to do with it. inexperience in sex makes for bad awkward sex in my opinion.


danteszippo 52M
3884 posts
10/26/2005 12:39 am

and by the way, I love your little pics. mmm, hot!!


rm_Balanon2 48M
193 posts
10/26/2005 3:18 am

I've always regretted the double standard myself. I think most men tell the truth. Early on they may lie to up their number so they can come off as experienced, but after a while why bother. It's easier to just give a real number. This makes the difference between the numbers of partners averaged by each gender a logical fallacy. These guys have to be having sex with someone, so I've just always assumed the average was the same. Conclusion: women are lying.

What this means though is that many women are starting relationships off by being deceptive. I can sympathize with the reasoning, but I can't help but think this contributes to some intergender problems and it is unnecessary. Let's face it. Guys aren't going to stop having sex. If all women just starting giving the real number, men would be shocked for a day or two. But, our standards would adjust to the new reality and we'd get over it. Those guys that don't cope just make life easier for the rest of us

The problem I think the more tradition guy has with the Sex-in-the-City influence isn't really about the number itself. I think many guys liked the chase and the idea that they had conquered a rare catch. They feel the need to win a woman over and think large numbers of partners in her history devalues his victory. They also fall for women who use "The Rule".

Now, your friend with over 100 notches, what's his secret?


AlbertPrince 57M

10/26/2005 3:40 am

I absolutely agree with you. The double standards that men apply are completely unfair.


rm_B0SSIERBOY 57M
476 posts
10/26/2005 3:42 am

The first woman I ever lived with was a prostitute so I don't care much about numbers (I have been with enough women to know that they'll all built pretty much the same way and unique in their own way). I also don't think that her sex life is any of my business (If I've chosen her to be a partner then I trust her not to hurt me). I've NEVER had protected sex and I've never contracted any STD (I get checked every two years in order to renew my cosmetology license). What difference does it make how many people someone has slept with? I guess if I were considering marriage I'd want to know if my partner intended to continue seeing men outside our relationship, although I'm not sure why or that it matters. Be yourself. IF you want to have sex with a thousand men do, if you don't want to ever have sex again that's your choice. Don't get caught up in that game. If a guy seems overly interested in your sexual habits, dump him and move on. No one needs that sort of control freak in their life.


Jobe00 42M
211 posts
10/26/2005 4:27 am

Well, not all men can bed women at will. Case in point, you've been with more men than I've been with women.

Now...I won't say it's not been for a lack of trying on my part, but I'm just not what most women want, I guess.

As for how many men you've been with, big deal. You've had a checkup and a clean bill of health, so play with as many guys as you want, just be careful and play safe. If the guy won't do that, you're better off without him.

It's bullshit that a guy that beds 100 women can say ANYTHING to you about sleeping with less than 10 men.


rm_gent258 68M
486 posts
10/26/2005 1:14 pm

textThe double standard is still with us although it is dying. Women are discovering and reclaiming their sexuality. If a man can do it, so can a woman. We,men, like to feel that we have a monopoly on our primary woman,so we get jealous. However, who you slept with before you met me isn't important. And no one wants a virgin because they are inexperienced and boring. Afterall, if a woman gives great head, she learned to do it by practice,practice, practice....I'm all for ending the double standard.


bigfurrybear 41M

10/26/2005 1:33 pm

I just know that I could care less how many men you have been with. In fact I don't recall ever asking anyone that in my life.

As long as I know that my partner is clean that is all I care about as relates to experience. Just have fun and enjoy life to the fullest. If you want to have sex with a hundred men, go ahead. If you just want one, go ahead. It makes no difference to me.


rm_HotFunInMN 50M
18 posts
10/26/2005 1:58 pm

That number is only relative if it's a problem for you. Hopefully you had fun and learned something about yourself. If you have issues with other people thinking negative about your selected number maybe try to keep that a little more discrete. Why I don't think that is a lot of experience for someone your age other may. Funny you brought up "Sex In The City". I seemed to see more forwardness and openness with woman's sexuality the last few years and it wasn't until I saw SITC that I began to realize where it was coming from. That show really empowered single woman more then it’s given credit for. I think some of those women are just now realizing the consequences and potential down falls of owning up to a more sexual life style or as your friends husband termed it "acting like men". Your got to take the pros with the cons.


eastend79 37M

10/26/2005 2:10 pm

Non Sequitor: Easy, They learned it from the Yankees! (Laughs before breaking down and starts sobbing uncontrollably)

Sorry, just going through Pennant withdrawal here...

Now, onto the real topic on hand,

I think the whole double standard goes back to a more primitive time.

No, I don't mean the 50's you youngins, I mean in the Neanderthal/Cro Magnus times (Still not the 50's, give it up guys/gals)

Males needed to spread their seed (uh..no Pun intended...ok, I lied, it was all intentional) as far and as wide as possible to ensure the continuation of the blood line, while the female's job was to *select* (Not much has changed here though) the most promising male suitor and bear his children. If she was going at it with all the males in the trible, the strongest bloodlines were not coming out ahead, and therefore, she wasn't doing her job of weeding through the losers. If a guy was being selected by aot of women, it usually meant he had superior genes. Hence, a double standard

Now, as time and feminist notions advanced, this notion began to be watered down, to where its almost irrelevant in public. But whenever you see a double standard like that rise again, its just natures way of going "Hey! look at me! I'm still involved here and I want lots of strong babies!" (Luckily for nature, it never had to pay child support or alimony)

Now, if your a creationist, well, I'm sure there is something in whatever holy scripture you follow about males having multiple women, but thwe above really doens't involve you...


WildWon1982 34M

10/26/2005 2:59 pm

Ah, if only I could be number 10. I like the idea of being a milestone. The only guys I know that have a problem with a woman's track record are the guys who've been with fewer women. And that comes down simply to insecurity. He's been with 2 women, she's been with 8 men. Odds are not in his favor, in his mind, to be a good lover. It's total crap, but those insecurities exist. I used to have them myself, that's how I know they're crap. Practice makes perfect, and confidence allows for more opportunities for practice.

Side note: Every time I see your pictures I REALLY wish I lived in Houston. GODDAM!


digdug41 49M

10/26/2005 5:01 pm

frogger pay it no mind and do your thing just as you have benn if the men cant deal then tell'em cyalaterbye its that simple,I cant deal with archaic thinking

roaming the cyber streets of blogland


rm_anacortes 74M
2850 posts
10/26/2005 5:19 pm

A TRUE STORY....

A FEW YEARS AGO I WAS REAL ACTIVE IN ALANON..

AFTER BEING A "MEMBER" FOR A FEW YEARS I ATTENDED A REGIONAL RETREAT.

ALANON, SINCE IT STARTED AS AN AUX. AA, HAS USUALLY MORE FEMALE MEMBERS THAN MALE..

THE CONFERENCE LASTED OVER THE WEEKEND IN A BUCOLIC COUNTRY SETTING.

SUNDAY AM, THE LAST DAY, I SEATED MYSELF AT A ROUND TABLE, CHOOSING FROM SAY 20-30 OTHER TABLES.. AND STARTED MY BREAKFAST..

WELL THE LADIES CHATTED WITH EACHOTHER AS IF I WERE NOT THERE...

AS THE BREAKFAST ENDED AND WE AWAITED THE USUAL PARTING REMARKS AND NOTICES FROM THE MAIN TABLE, THE CONVERSATION SOMEHOW TURNED TO HOW
ONE LADY "FELT SO FREE NOW" SHE HAD HAD XX NUMBER OF LOVERS..

INTEREST AROUND THE ENTIRE TABLE BECAME FOCUSED ON THE TOPIC AND I WAS "ALL EARS" AND SCHOOCHING LOW IN MY CHAIR SO AS TO NOT IMPEDE IN ANY WAY THE FREE FLOW OF IDEAS..

SO ANOTHER LADY ACROSS THE TABLE STARTED TO RELATE HOW MANY LOVERS
SHE!! HAD HAD..

BY NOW I HAD STARTED COUNTING AND WE WERE WELL INTO THREE DIGITS OF "LOVERS".. AND ON IT WENT..

I CANNOT REMEMBER IF THE ROUND TABLE WAS 8 OR 10 PLACE, BUT ONE LADY HELD OUT TILL THE "END" AND REMARKED, "WELL, I HAVE HAD XXX LOVERS".

BY THAT TIME I WAS EVEN STARTING TO HAVE A HARD-ON AS THE TOTAL HAD CLIMBED TO OVER FIVE HUNDRED... YES 500+..

These were MATURE ladies so if one calculated lovers/ year it might not have seemed so overwhelming..

Namaste Washington State chapter..


trustno01 55M  
2364 posts
10/26/2005 5:55 pm

Unfortunately it is a double standard to some men. They want to *uck like rabbits but not their woman. Which I disagree with that thinking. I say let a woman be a woman and a man be a man. If they sleep with 1000 people what diffenence does it make? If you have feelings or want a relationship it should not matter. As long as you are taking precautions it should not matter.


rm_mikeyd228289 41M
2 posts
10/26/2005 6:02 pm

frogger first of all i respect your views.We all have skeletons in our closet my moto is if you gotta ask you dont need to know. Secondly i must say you have a beutiful figure.Are you hispanic if you dont mind me asking? If you get a chance send me a msg at AdultFriendFinder


frogger1995 39F

10/26/2005 6:05 pm

agoigo: Not quite sure what your point is...but I'm not married and if I wanted a long term relationship then I would just get married.

Balanon2: Good points all around...I guess it's time to start playing hard to get. NOt to hard now since I am on a break from sex for a very long while.

AlbertPrince: Thank You!!!

B0SSIERBOY: um...I guess that's reassuring to hear considering my recent "episode." I agree with the last part though. I plan on being honest about my past. I will consider it a blessing if a man asks in the very beginning about my numbers...because then I will know right off the bat that I should dump him.

Jobe00: Never tried same sex, but based on the numbers in this site, I don't think that would be too hard to achieve.

gent258: I agree. As long as I've been checked up and am not sleeping with other men, what does it matter about my past?

bigfurrybear: I think 100 is out of the question considering my paranoia. But a few more is a possibility

HotFunInMN: I only have issues if they do...if its a problem I move on. I like to be very open and honest and don't get offended when asked...as long as they don't object when I open up. as far as SITC, I think it has been a good and bad thing. IT has certainly empowered women, but the way they are all (even humble Charlotte) in and out of a different bed each week sends the wrong signal...it's a dangerous world out there.

eastend79: I was waiting for that to pop up. You are right, biology does always play a role. But how about this...what if the fact that a woman has had a lot of partners means that she is very desirable and has strong genes...thus a man should be more interested in her than in one who hasn't had a lot of partners. hmmmm

WildWon1982: Well I'm not one to outdo my man. Maybe I will ask him to answer first then make sure I am at least 2 below him. A problem if he has been with 2 or less though....


ewan_1973 44M

10/26/2005 6:12 pm

Frogger, yes, you are right. But think of this please: don't you think you women take quite a monumental revenge, for instance in this site? Yes, some men say very stupid things; they send stupid messages; they dream of meeting someone here and fucking her that same night...yes. But I believe women here play with men quite a bit also. (I cry when I think of the amount of love I have tried to send you with my [mostly] unanswered messages...)

All this said, again, you might be right. I would not care who you have slept with. There is a song by a Mexican singer called Ricardo Arjona which comes to say "if your past has taught you to kiss this way, I bless whomever was here before me". Good luck.


the1forthenight 33M
55 posts
10/26/2005 7:14 pm

Ah yes, the double standard. Me personally, I feel as long as you take precautions then it doesn't matter. The only ones you don't need to think about are the ones that were horrible in the sack. My best friend is a female and has done more men and more crazy shit than you have wrote in your blogs. When I found out I was shocked, not because of the numbers, but because we're friends and I didn't know. Maybe she thought I would look at her in a different light, but that wasn't the case at all. Before the 10th week while we are in the fetal stage of life, ALL PEOPLE are born FEMALE, until you dna decides that it wants to give you a dick. Why do you think men have that funny line on their nutsack. We ALL get horny and need to take care of that need from time to time. It is the way and the manner that you satisfy your urge that determines if you are a liberated woman who needs sex from time to time or a bonafide nypho with no self respect for themselves. And we all know that you are not a whore looking to conquer every cock placed in front of you.


the1forthenight 33M
55 posts
10/26/2005 7:15 pm

Ah yes, the double standard. Me personally, I feel as long as you take precautions then it doesn't matter. The only ones you don't need to think about are the ones that were horrible in the sack. My best friend is a female and has done more men and more crazy shit than you have wrote in your blogs. When I found out I was shocked, not because of the numbers, but because we're friends and I didn't know. Maybe she thought I would look at her in a different light, but that wasn't the case at all. Before the 10th week while we are in the fetal stage of life, ALL PEOPLE are born FEMALE, until your dna decides that it wants to give you a dick. Why do you think men have that funny line on their nutsack. We ALL get horny and need to take care of that need from time to time. It is the way and the manner that you satisfy your urge that determines if you are a liberated woman who needs sex from time to time or a bonafide nypho with no self respect for themselves. And we all know that you are not a whore looking to conquer every cock placed in front of you.


rm_TwiztedCharm 56M
456 posts
10/26/2005 7:19 pm

MEN of OUALITY are not threatened by WOMEN of EQUALITY

Don't worry about your numbers, their not important. What is important is that you feel good about yourself. Never fall for the guilt men want lay on you just to keep you theirs alone. If you allow them to gain control of you most wind up destroying the one they claim to love.


smilesalot4488 60M

10/26/2005 9:30 pm

I have a loyalist instinct that has limited me in the number of actual physical mates(5), but that has not stopped a desire to stray, so I usually go after very unattainable women to keep me honest.

However, mentally, I have been with thousands of women. Sex has just always been more mental for me. I roomed with Doctor of Psychology at college and he said there was some literature on it and evidently, some of us who are exposed to porn too early in life can become fixated on a rich fantasy life. *Ooops I found the stash early too*

It is not a double standard, but rather our genetic code. Guys are hardwired to seek and seek and seek and etc. I just re-direct the code into a mental thing, and while I was making love to my wife, I was having wild sex in my head with the girl I flirted with at the gas station.


gnr8nrg 46M

10/26/2005 10:32 pm

Frogger, first of all I think you have a low number. Yes, it has increased as of late and good for you. From reading your past blogs they sound like good experiences.(that toy sounds great) I agree with Sparrow and Wildwon. In the past I've asked girlfriends how many people they had been with and except for a virgin they were all higher than me. I will never ask again. It's more important to know if they've been tested and do they need to be sexual outside of the relationship. My last two relationships we both got tested before sex, but never waited for the results because we trusted eachother. Luckily we were clean. As of late I've protected myself with casual sex, and it sounds like you do too. Follow your intuition and do what feels best for you.
P.S. Double standards suck, but some people still follow them.
Things to be happy about: Honesty.


silverfoxrun 40M

10/26/2005 10:52 pm

the stros lost b/c they forgot how to play baseball


rm_Alankink27 47M

10/27/2005 12:01 am

I say that you need to work on getting those numbers up....They are way to low....you should like wine taste all the different types,know what they taste like, what foods they go well with,how it should be served, how long it needs to air before tasting...

Right now you have only had wine from those cardboard containers.it's time to get your but in the cellar and do some tasting...Any man that doesn't respect you for tasting the wine before you buy is a fool. .

hey..dude..keep doing what you do...but smell and spit too..love ya, Alan


jspaceman72 44M
21 posts
10/27/2005 1:44 pm

What really makes me laugh when it comes to this double standards issue, is another question you need to consider. That question is: how is it possible for men to have had a significantly higher number of sexual partners than women? If you think about it the answer is the only way is if there are far more women than men! For example for men to have slept with an average of twice as many partners as women on average, there would have to be twice as many women as men in the world. So the question of numbers actually has nothing to do with the numbers at all, and is solely about how men and women perceive eachother.


rm_357playa2 34M
41 posts
10/27/2005 6:14 pm

The double standard is great. Men like to have sex with a freaky woman thats has been with many but when it comes to the one you make love to you men want to imagine themselves to be the only. Men can only see themselves with the one they love!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are so selfish


rm_abomberz 38M
39 posts
10/27/2005 11:02 pm

My friends (male and female) and I discussed this topic recently. It was answering the question, at what number would you start to feel uneasy about your partner's past. At the end of the conversation, guys were allowed to sleep with up to 20 girls, and girls were allowed 8. I guess that is a double standard, but no one ever said life was fair either.


frogger1995 39F

10/28/2005 7:29 pm

ewan_1973: now, now, that's not fair. I respond to you more than anyone else.


rm_TNmbigshaft 39M

10/28/2005 10:33 pm

Guys use the number as simple a 'notch in their belt'...If a woman mentions something like that, they are called a whore or a slut (which I think is wrong). Woman should be allowed to experiment with different partners just as much as men do without the verbal abuse.

BTW Frogger, you number of partners outnumbers mine too for what its worth.


jim5131 55M
1296 posts
10/29/2005 12:49 am

I care less about the number of men a woman has bedded with...if she is serious about the relationship she has with me, I'll be the last one.

You've had 10? gee...I'm a slut..

..and it warms my heart to know how you're into baseball enough to recognize a problem if it's the bottom of the 9th, man on third and one out...and still lose...

thanxx, Frogger....still the champ.


Become a member to create a blog