The Kind You Don  

frogger1995 39F
4342 posts
11/2/2005 4:40 pm

Last Read:
9/26/2006 6:17 pm

The Kind You Don

I just realized today that I am that girl. The Woman on the Side; the Good Time Girl; the Other Woman; the Booty Call...the Girl You Don't Take Home to Mother.

Yesterday I was talking to my ex-boyfriend, whom I've remained close friends with. Out of the blue he informed me that his wife and he made love the night before and that she was "the only woman he ever wants to be with like that for the rest of his was so perfect!" I had to wonder why that had been thrown into the conversation (and yes G____, if you are reading this I did find it rather inappropriate and uncalled for).

That comment pretty much sums up my entire romantic life. I will not group G____ above with the rest because he did actually love me at one point. But every "relationship" I have ever been in was sort of a rest stop on the road to each of our final destinations (though some were admittedly already at their destinations and taking me for a little side trip). The man I was with before joining this site pointedly informed me that he had "settled down with a nice girl" when I asked, after a brief time apart, if I could come spend the night with him.

I'm pretty sure he never referred to me as a "nice girl." This was made very clear a month later when, still with the "nice girl," he asked if I wanted to come over while she was out of town.

Frankly my actions and attitude have never lended themselves to being "respected the next day." Honestly, it was never really important to me whether or not the man I was with considered me the type he could eventually settle down with. I was in it for the good time, same as he. My deep dark secret is that I have never actually been in love. I thought I was close once, but someone promptly informed me that "you know when you are in love."

I'm not sure what this means, but it can't be good. The interesting thing is, I'm not sure it bothers me all that much. I am in good company; Katherine Hepburn, Georgia O'Keeffe, Coco Chanel, Lillian Ross and Cleopatra were all like me...definitely not "nice girls." (Read the chapter entitled Erotics 101 in the book The Bitch in the House for more insight).

P.S. Am I the only one who finds this site INCREDIBLY slow!!!

Things to be Happy About:

Making Inappropriate Remarks in "Mixed Company"
Chenin Blanc
Chinese Dumplings
Colorful Tulle
Chandeliers with Colorful Prisms

AlbertPrince 57M

11/3/2005 1:17 am

I may not be able to take you home to mom, but I'd love to bring you back here.

Shadowlord30 46M

11/3/2005 2:38 am

well from what i've read about u sweetie i would be proud 2 have u at my side, no matter what.

watchmesquirm 45F  
99 posts
11/3/2005 5:17 am

I totally understand what you are saying. I too jump into things for the fun of it and do things that the "nice girl" may or may not be doing. Your rest stop comment actually made my heart feel heavy.

Unlike you I have been in love (some version of it anyway). I know there is much love in store for me, and until I come across it I am going to continue to have fun and be naughty. And after I find it? I think I will continue to have fun and be naughtier.


Jobe00 42M
211 posts
11/3/2005 5:24 am

From your writings, I fail to see how you're anything other than a sweet woman that has no hang-ups about being sexual or sensual. I can't see a problem with that myself.

As for not being in love, love is great unless the one you love doesn't love you. Then it hurts...a lot.
In some ways you are missing out, but in some ways, you're lucky.
I can only wish that when you do fall in love, it's with someone that will return that love.

As for the site, yes, it's miserably slow some days.

atongue4licking 39M
3 posts
11/3/2005 5:37 am

It doesn't matter if you are the 'nice girl' type to take home to mother, at the end of the day you are not there to make the mother happy but the partner you settle down with. If I were looking for someone to settle down with I would not care if she was seen by the outside world as the nice or not so nice girl, it just wouldn't be a consideration. If that person was nice enough to me (and I wouldn't be with anyone if they weren't), what others thought wouldn't enter my mind. Sure I'd want my mother to like her, but if she didn't it wouldn't be the end of the world.
As far as I can been able to figure out there are three things that are important, those being an emotional, mental and physical attachment. I would need to feel comfortable just being me, if I felt any need to be something other than what I am well its just not going to work. I would also need that unexplainable bliss that comes when you find someone that just has some sort of strange power of happiness. I would also need her to be intelligent and to make me laugh, intelligence and humour can be such an incredible turn-on. Last of all, there would have to be a physical attraction, although in truth when all those other things are in place I really don't think its as important as many people believe.
From what I've read in this blog I I don't see you having any problem on any of these scores, you will find that perfect person with time. Just don't be in a hurry. It happens when it happens for a reason.

frogger1995 39F

11/3/2005 5:43 am

AlbertPrince: Anytime fella! I've never told you but I really like that pic of you on your profile.

Shadowlord30: Very sweet. A nice pick-me-up this morning.

atongue4licking 39M
3 posts
11/3/2005 5:43 am

In my haste to get out of the door I forgot to say;

Respect is not earned by actions, it is given without question, it can be lost later by actions, but a true gentleman gives it without you requiring to do anything. Just be who you are and when that person comes you'll know.

GenuaFoursHangs 53M
96 posts
11/3/2005 6:41 am

Hey Frogger,

Not to worry. You stated that you weren't sure that this bothered you. Is that true?

Not everyone always makes the best choices when engaging into a relationship (physical or emaotional). A lot of folks have what is called a "default behavior." Been there and done that. I am NOT saying that this is you,............on the contrary........just trying to get you to think this through and determine what has been happening that you haven't felt that you were either in "LOVE" or that you were that special woman to take home to Mother.

I have read a lot of your postings, and have found them very insightful, complex, thought provoking, and interesting. You bring a lot to the table. Maybe your choices in men did not realize the true diamond that they had? maybe the men were secretly intimidated by you and your intelligence? Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder.

Keep your chin up Sweetheart! All this shall pass.

You are certainly well appreciated here.



Loosetooth 41M
1146 posts
11/3/2005 7:14 am

Well I will leave out the patronising sweetie comments and try not to write anything about you comming on over.

Does this really bother you? You spend half you entry berating what you are not and the other half revelling in your crimson lady status. I am sure, as well, that this is not the first time that you have realised this (as the entry implies). I think that the root to this problem lays in one sentence 'I have never been in love'. Had you then I am sure things would of been different.

What prompts my comment is your stupid friend......'you know when you are in love'. You are American right? So you probably have access to a firearm. I want you to take the gun and shoot your friend and if at any time you actually believed them and allowed that to affect your decisions then you need to consider turning that gun on yourself. Rarely is life simple enough for us to know if we are in love or not. It would be easier if that were true but it is not. I am afraid your friend was giving you some trite Hollywood bullshit. I was in love once but I found out 3 months later (by all accounts 3 months too late). And I have lost count the number of times I have thought, 'this is it.....I am in LOVE'!' only for the whole thing to fall apart two days later.

I asked at the top end if this really bothered you? why? Well it might just be that you love your life really but are a bit sick of it at the moment. In which case nice rant. Or it might be that you have realised something of profoundity and are pissed off. In which case you know what you gotta do, wear floral print, become coy, hang around church fetes and bake cakes. Do not kiss on the first date (let alone all that other stuff you do!!!!) and always wait for the man to initiate. Sounds like the good life eh?

rm_chowbox2005 43M

11/3/2005 7:41 am

In my opinion,

The naughty girl; Is the woman that every man desires, fantasizes about, and seeks out.

The nice girl; Is the woman that doesn't test her man, gives out just enough sex to keep him from straying, and yes, goes to his moms' house (so he doesn't have to do the family thing alone.

The biggest reason that most men don't try to settle down with a naughty girl is that they can't guarantee that she'll still be with him tomorrow. You never know what she'll do next.

As much as men want the naughty girl, they also don't want to be a stepping stone. They want to be the rock.


WildWon1982 34M

11/3/2005 9:02 am

There's a name for a group of guys who could be with a woman as beautiful as you (both physically and mentally) and think of you as a "side trip."

That word:

digdug41 49M

11/3/2005 9:15 am

hey frogger do you and fuck the dum shit if they cant handle it then time for them to git ta steppin and on to the next one lifes too short to worry about those things when you find that someone you'll both know it will transcend everything wont just be a physical thing although it will play a part it wont be all of it

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

hereforyou6217 43M
912 posts
11/3/2005 9:42 am

The concept of being "respected the next day" is something I've never really understood. Maybe it's just who I am, but I tend not to have any interest in anyone I can't respect on some level. And if I'm going to sleep with someone, they're going to have a lot of my respect and gratitude for having the openness to share that with me. I've respected every woman I've slept with, in one way or another.

AlbertPrince 57M

11/3/2005 10:24 am

    Quoting frogger1995:
    AlbertPrince: Anytime fella! I've never told you but I really like that pic of you on your profile.

    Shadowlord30: Very sweet. A nice pick-me-up this morning.
Not half as much as I like the the ones on yours

frogger1995 39F

11/3/2005 10:48 am

agoigo: I guess this is my designated role (sigh!)....I suppose it could be worse though

watchmesquirm: Sounds like a wonderful plan. I may follow suit. And here I was feeling sorry for myself. Who says I can't have it both ways?!

Jobe00: That is what I am afraid of. I suppose after all this time of not feeling the love that was felt for me, karma will hit me hard one day.

atongue4licking: I agree. You definitely need someone who fits your criteria (not always in a physical manner either). Although I haven't been in love, I have felt a lot of those things and now know that without them I could never really be in love.

dutch400: It doesn't bother me. I suppose because I always knew that they weren't "the one." The respect thing was not really true. I think there was respect just not the type that most women are looking for (read: a ring and a date). It is at the back of my mind though. Sort of like not caring that you won the lottery but wondering "what if" all the same.

Loosetooth: Actually I was listening to that song at the time. It was a day after my ex spoke to me and I realized that the song described me to a tee. So yes, I did just put it all together.

Let's just say that I am OK with my current status, though sometimes I do wonder. I am young enough to change when the time is right. In the meantime, I am having a great deal of fun.

chowbox2005: Good point and very insightful. I have found men to be a bit proprietary. I suppose this doesn't fit too well with the woman who is "having a good time." Thanks for the analysis.

WildWon1982: I agree! Though in their defense, I was no better.

digdug41: Life is too short to focus on past men. Hopefully one day my prince will come....(la dee da, la dee da)

hereforyou6217: Yes, there are different types of respect. Of course I would never sleep with someone who didn't respect me on some level. read the response to dutch400, above, for more on that.

rm_TNmbigshaft 39M

11/3/2005 11:19 am

I have always been around 'good girls' and I absolutely HATE it. I have always wanted a woman who will do anything to get me and keep me. You are very much the type of woman I would like to take to another level.

gentile_sadico 51M
1368 posts
11/3/2005 11:33 am

some guys just kill me, most guys would get a blowjob in the back alley of an adult bookstore and go home to their "good" wives as if nothing had ever's a pathetic double standard and i for one don't agree with it.....i happen to be very lucky as i have a wife that can be a woman in public and a slutty whore in the bedroom and i wouldn't have it any other way...i actually respect a woman more if she's willing to show me her true side, but i think i'm in the minority....don't let some of these morons prevent you from finding the love of your life, it's not always easy to find such a thing but it does happen...

frogger1995 39F

11/3/2005 1:49 pm

TNmbigshaft: Nice girls of the world beware!~

xntrickk: The awful double standard peaks it's ugle head again...sigh!

ewan_1973 44M

11/3/2005 3:03 pm

Not sure that it does not bother you, at least I think you are beginning to wonder about it. You are great, in all possible ways. And, at least for me, you would be more than a booty call.

Love, Ewan.

rm_Balanon2 48M
193 posts
11/3/2005 6:27 pm

You are actually the kind of girl I'd been looking to find all my life. OK, except for that whole distance thing. You want to meet me in Vegas some weekend? But, I digress...

I was alway too boring or shy to land the wild ones though ('til they wanted to settle down and be boring themselves of course). I've never been in love either except with idea of being in love. I think at this point my mother would be happy if I brought anyone home. She's so worried I'll stay single forever I think her standards for me have dropped lower than my own

Hope I didn't drop too many predicates and verbs this time. I'm going to blame Hotmatch being slow and loosing some of my words. I'm catching too many typos after I post. Wish we could edit our comments.

HotSparks81 53M/53F

11/3/2005 6:48 pm


Don't get down on yourself. From your profile you sound and look like a beautiful, sexy, smart young woman. At your age you are just learning about yourself and you should be enjoying what life has to offer you . Don't worry about being the girl you don't bring home to mother. Someday when a good man comes along you will be lost in your own kitchen and cooking in his mothers .

I was married to a nice girl for nine years and life was comfy but boring. I then met this lady with a love of life and sex. Things changed with my nice girl wife and we split and I got together with my mistress. I was afraid of what my family’s reaction would be to her, but once they saw how happy and full of life she made me they understood almost everything.

Be proud of your sex drive and you must be great when it comes to sex, because even the guy that had settled down with the “Nice Girl” called you for more. You need to know that you have a lot to offer and as little as I have found out about you on your profile you will be great.

As far as taking a break, everybody needs it from time to time . Even in a NASCAR race the best driver (Rusty Wallace ) has to come in for a pit stop, refuel and get more grip. Might I suggest a week in Jamaica . So hold your pretty head up and enjoy life. Yes you can also hold up those great looking set of TATAs happyf; .

If you are ever in Chicago drop us a line and we can talk about Joys of Life or not .


TalonDuddyTonks 47M
659 posts
11/3/2005 8:59 pm

You don't need to worry about what others think... as long as you can look yourself in the mirror each day then you don't need to have any regrets... someday you may just meet the right man who has the right mamma who will love you and accept you for who you are...

you are right about the double standard... i think that thanks to women like yourself that standard is slowly changing... however, society moves very slow and it will probably be several more generations before men and women are viewed equally.

FriendlyTickler 45M

11/4/2005 9:03 am

Well I don't know if you will get this or not but I'll write anyways. I would think that most men, including myself, would prefer a woman who is a lady in public and a minx between the sheets. For you, while I believe that you are a lady, your body simply radiates with an ensatiable sex appeal. You have curves that can cause a mans heart to skip a beat or worse yet drool on himself. That's not your fault, it's just the way that you've been made (blessed). As for your relationship status, you are your own person and you can dictate what direction you want to go. Wether it's following in the foot steps of Hepburn or O'Keeffe, who both were in love at one time or another but chose a certain life style based on their preference of living. Or, you can objectively look at those very successful ladies and perhaps learn from them.

I believe all people want some signifigance to their lives. For some that might mean love, religion or perhaps a career. You need to step back and examine yourself to decide what is important to you. What helps you to feel complete and what adjustments you need to make in your life to obtain that goal.

There have been several men that I'm sure have taken an interest in you. Perhaps they haven't ignited that special spark with in you or perhaps you haven't ignited their spark. What ever it is, I know that you have a lot of up side just based on what I've read. Your attractive, seem to be very intelligent, confident, sensual and seem to be more then capable of holding a conversation. You also come across as being very indepent, opinionated (good, bad or what ever the argument may be), strong willed and creative. With out knowing you personally it's difficult to really guess why you haven't fallen in love with anyone yet. I can say this though. In my experience, I fell in love with a woman who was a friend before she was a lover. So I guess you could say that the mental connection came before the physical. What I liked about her most was how down to earth she was and her ability to compromise, laugh and just enjoy our company together, even if it meant lounging around the house watching movies in sweats.

Well, I'll write to ya later.

rm_Sultan432 44M

11/4/2005 1:32 pm


Firstly I'd like to say I always love reading your posts, always insiteful and you are and incredable writer(Do u do it profisionally). It this article you go down that msytrious path of "love". And you say that you have never been in love and you will know when you know. In my opinion Love is a choice people choose to love another, Love is not something you catch or this magical chemical imbalace in your body that keeps you dreaming and thinking about an individual. It has been your choice not to love the indviduals that have had the pleasure of spending time with you.

You seems to be very independant, confidantand and know exactly what you want in a potintial partner, you are at the top of the species and you have not come across the person that meets your critiriea.

It may have been something very suttle that prevented you from making that choice. So Don't stop looking and enjoying the search I'm certain you will find that person who will give you the oppurtonity to choose to love them.

In the mean time please continue to Bless us with your preceance both pysically and mentally.


frogger1995 39F

11/4/2005 6:58 pm

ewan_1973: Why does everyone keep thinking this. I wondered about it, that's all. As for you, I have yet to hear from you....

Balanon2: That's funny. Fortunately my mother is not at all concerned about me. I think she would be fine if I never got married...come to think of it, I wonder if that has anything to do with how I am.

HotSparks81: I never thought of it that way. Maybe you could spread the word...give bad girls a good name for once. I'm pretty sure I would make an interesting wife that's for sure.

NameIsRace: I suppose that is my fate as a pioneer...sigh! Oh well, if I must do my part....

FriendlyTickler: Thank you, thank you, thank you (is that enough). I appreaciate all the compliments and the advice. I suppose I still have time to figure things out. That's what's great about being in your still have a lot to learn. Though my 30s are quickly arriving...

Sultan432: Your the first that has said that. I suppose there was something subconsious about my past actions.

BigSexy97 41M

11/4/2005 7:29 pm

Why worry about it.....have fun!! ....Just be capable of recognizing if a special kind of man comes along. You will know him because he can breathe through his ears.

Heyyyyy.....I can breathe through my ears!!

If it makes you feel better......I'm not the guy to take home to Mom either!!

Ask questions. Think critically. Decide for yourself.

2xTwiceShy 51M
470 posts
11/5/2005 4:31 am

Most of the women I've known I would take home to mother, save two. And oddly enough, one of those found my mother after our breakup, and for the past twenty years has been one of Mom's closest friends.

Knowing what our mothers expect of our better behavior, and knowing they don't want to hear about the rest, I think men are inclined to take home the women most presentable. That might include appearance, vocabulary, manners, and possibly humility. But it seldom has anything to do with that woman's prowess in bed.

The most adventuresome vixens that can still put on the quiet girl charm have a serious weapon when it comes to getting to know the family.

Now Dad's opinion is a whole nother story...

txguy6419 46M

11/5/2005 10:27 pm

I'm sure you'll find a guy that will be proud to take you home to meet his mother/parents. No one should be ashamed of you. You're very sexy and intelligent. You'll be THE woman, not the OTHER woman one day.

shuddershock 57M

11/6/2005 10:50 am

The interesting thing is, I'm not sure it bothers me all that much. I am in good company; Katherine Hepburn, Georgia O'Keeffe, Coco Chanel, Lillian Ross and Cleopatra were all like me...definitely not "nice girls."

Men generally struggle with whore/madonna complexes. But not all're in good company, btw.

shuddershock 57M

11/6/2005 10:51 am

The interesting thing is, I'm not sure it bothers me all that much. I am in good company; Katherine Hepburn, Georgia O'Keeffe, Coco Chanel, Lillian Ross and Cleopatra were all like me...definitely not "nice girls."

Men generally struggle with whore/madonna complexes. But not all're in good company, btw. And, yes, this site is unbelievably slow. A new server is in order, NOW!

htownjoshman25 38M
1 post
11/6/2005 1:59 pm

    Quoting BigSexy97:
    Why worry about it.....have fun!! ....Just be capable of recognizing if a special kind of man comes along. You will know him because he can breathe through his ears.

    Heyyyyy.....I can breathe through my ears!!

    If it makes you feel better......I'm not the guy to take home to Mom either!!
I agree!! I don't think you should worry about it now... Have fun and live life to the fullest, I am pretty sure the one who deserves you will find you. You just have to be able to recognize that special kind of man. I don't know if any type of woman is the type to take home to mom cause in a mother's eyes almost no one is good enough for her son/daughter. So I wouldn't mind taking you home to mom. Also, I am positively sure that my dad would love you.

LopesGaiusVower 43M
5 posts
11/7/2005 7:59 pm

2. Why do you feel it was Inappropriate /uncalled for your Ex'Sex comment?

1. What do U miss Most about your Ex-?

WildChild5884 32F

11/10/2005 12:48 am

I too came to the realization that I was the girl you don't take home to which oddly enough as I think back it didn't really occur to me until I thought about how I was treated by ex relationship partners..I think though if you're having fun (which it sounds like you do) and you can answer to yourself at the end of the day..then who cares how others make peace with it? You're attractive and talented (Recently acquainted myself with your blog) As far as's a tricky thing (I go for infatuations myself and settle into mutual respect at this point) but I think love varies in degree and explanations so I won't even try to pin that one down Love your blog hun!

rm_borobadlad 46M/F

11/10/2005 8:58 am

Why would you want to be the nice girl and go to his mothers for dinner? wouldn't you rather be in bed with him having fun?

rm_hoova24 42M
3 posts
11/12/2005 1:14 am

hey baby get at me AdultFriendFinder

sleeplessknight1 68M

12/15/2005 1:57 pm

The kind you dont take home to mother....
Couldn't disagree more.....
they should be, "oh so proud......"

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