Hitting Close to Home  

frogger1995 39F
4342 posts
9/20/2005 6:10 pm

Last Read:
9/26/2006 5:59 pm

Hitting Close to Home

From the day I joined this site, I have been open to being in relationships with married men. I explained why in a previous post. I have always operated under the pretext that I wasn't out to hurt anyone and had no intention of ending anyone's marriage or relationship. Today two things happened that I am taking as signs to end this policy.

I was talking with my AdultFriendFinder friend at work, boring him with my usual guilt about being so hedonistic. He was pretty quiet this time; then mentioned how he thought it was wrong of me to spend time with married men. How would I feel if my husband did that to me? I thought about it and knew deep down that I would feel pretty shitty about it, even if it didn't lead to his leaving me. But I still got a little defensive and petulant about it.

Then I came home and out of the blue my good friend back in L.A. called. I thought it was a nice surprise since we hadn't talked in about a month. As it turns out, the bastard she just married a year ago (whom I never approved of in the first place) has already started cheating on her. Part of me was thrilled knowing that it might sound the death knell for their never-should-have-happened-in-the-first-place marriage. But another part of me sympathized with her pain. She really does love him and even though he gave her the standard “she meant nothing to me” defense, she has been destroyed by it. I just spent the past 2 hours trying to console her.

As you might imagine this has all been very trying on my conscience. So I am officially ending any and all relationships with married or attached men. It’s funny because part of me feels guilty and completely torn up about doing this, as they have been not only true gentlemen, but real friends. But tonight has changed the way I will always view them; no, not in a negative way, just different. I am not, and will never judge them and hope that they find happiness. However, I will never be able to talk or spend time with them without at least feeling a tiny bit of guilt because of my good friend.


Efilnikufecin69 47M

9/20/2005 9:47 pm

Way to go Frogger. Yes, it is a tough decision, for a woman as well as a man. To cheat on your wife is not easy, unless you really don't love her, but in such a case, you should leave her first. Respect to you for being human! Tell your friend to keep her head up. Maybe she should join here and get a confidence boost!?!? Great post!

Love from Germany{=}


howdy_all 45M

9/20/2005 9:50 pm

I am very sorry to hear you state this. You are such a sexy lady, I was hoping so much to meet and get to know you better.

nightguy1961 55M
4866 posts
9/20/2005 11:06 pm

Just my luck. I'm at a point in my life with a woman who is willing to let me run free....and once again, the rules change in the middle of the game.

While I admire your decision frogger, I must admit that this married man is very sorry that there will be no chance in hell to meet you.

AlbertPrince 57M

9/20/2005 11:47 pm

Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?

frangipanigal 44F
10406 posts
9/21/2005 3:12 am

Can I just say I have the same policy as your new one. Not because there aren't some amazing,lovely,sexy married/attached men out there but because I DO think how I would feel if it happened to me.

With the numbers SO stacked in a females favour on a site like this I am POSITIVE that there are so many single men waiting to meet you that this new policy should not change much for you at all.

Congratulations on your decision.


frogger1995 39F

9/21/2005 4:13 am

howdy_all & nightguy1961: I do actually feel bad not just for the two married men I was meeting with on a regular basis but all the men who saw a tiny ray of hope in a site where many women don't meet with married men.

AlbertPrince: Yes life gets a little harder when you have lived a little and have to face reality...and I was having so much fun!

Priapeo 46M

9/21/2005 5:51 am

Paradoxical that I'm saying this but... well done, lady.

Never argue with an idiot. He brings you down to his level then beats you with experience

beewulf9 38M

9/21/2005 8:08 am

Frogger it seems like you are being very attentive to your conscious, and that is admirable.

I also wish your friend strenght during this hard period, and you the strenght to support her.

WildWon1982 34M

9/21/2005 9:38 am

This must be very saddening for you. You couldn't even find five things to be happy about after making this decision. Just know that we support you whatever you do. Believe it or not, most of the guys here don't come around just to stare at your lovely chesticles. In the strangest, cyber weird way possible, it seems that you have genuine friends here, or at the very least, people who care what you think, and what happens in your life (why else would we be here, actually reading and posting?).

On a personal note, my cheating policy has a similar basis for yours. I hate using the word "cheating," cause I've never seen a rulebook for sex and relationships, ever, so I don't know what rules have been broken, and if the cheating actually helps you win. But for me it basically comes down to what I would be doing to my woman, whatever the level of our relationship. I know what it'll do for me. I'll get laid. That's about it. But what do those 3-35 minutes mean to the one left out? There's never been a point in my life where I've been truly selfish. No matter how hard I try to do things just for me, I always end up thinking of the effects it will have on others. My last girlfriend was very much in the mold of "it's only me, no one else." She didn't even like it if I closed my eyes during sex, in case I was trying to not look at her and imagine someone else. There were many times in the course of our relationship where I was tempted to get with someone else. I even had a few genuine opportunities. But I loved her, and the thought of what my momentary ecstasy would do to her was more than I could bear, so I let it go, and stayed true.

Now, of course, that relationship is over, and the game begins anew. But my decisions won't necessarily change. Swinging's fine, threesomes are fine, as long as it's a mutual decision with whoever I'm with at the time. The only time I will "cheat" is if it's done to me first. Then my moral compass demands a revenge lay, especially if it'll hurt her as much as her infidelity would hurt me.

And since you didn't do it, I will.
5 Happy things
Snow Cones
Adult jokes in Childrens' cartoons
Dick Cheney Heart Attacks
Cursing on live TV
Philadelphia Eagles

bella_ 47F
4030 posts
9/21/2005 11:05 am

Frogger....its less messy with a man with no other commitments...congrats

2inU2005 51M

9/21/2005 12:58 pm


I have to agree with your co-worker. I had a fling with a married woman with two children. I was very selfish at the time. We both ended-up agreeing to end it. I have never repeated this. Too many singles out there anyway.

It's going to be time for a RITA!


PS. I have a friend also that married someone I didn't agree with. I was in the wedding too. Needless to say our friendship has not been the same. So I can relate.

frogger1995 39F

9/21/2005 2:32 pm

Travelingintexas: you are always welcome to use my blog for self analysis!

frangipanigal: I have a feeling you are all too correct. Horaaay for AdultFriendFinder!

Priapeo & beewulf9: Thanks {=}

WildWon1982: I guess because I never "cheated" or had anyone "cheat" on me I wasn't able to look at what I was doing that way. This was the first time it was actually put into perspective. Thanks for the five things. I'll add one more "hearing breasts referred to as chesticles for the first time, and laughing out loud"

bella: Very true...plus you don't have to worry about calling them or working around their family schedule.

2inU2005: As much as I hate seeing my friend in pain...I certainly hope this ends the marriage...it is doomed for failure anyway.

WildWon1982 34M

9/21/2005 9:01 pm

Always glad to give someone a laugh, unless it's in bed of course.

someonelikeithot 50F

9/22/2005 8:56 am

Dear Frogger, I think y made the right decision, as Bella said it is less messy with a man who has no commitments (yes, you can call him at night, and week-ends...you do not have to wait for the hour or two he can give you... you can spend the night together!). On the note of feeling guilty?!? Well, I am not sure! At the end if a man cheats it would be with you or somebody else, he has decided to do it...so the guilt should not really be on you but on him. The woman who's man cheat, why should she get angry with the other woman?? It is the man decision to do it, and most probably it does not really matter with whom! There are many hardcore offender on this...(and I know a few!)and they have a compultion to cheating... they will never change! Many times (not always) the other "half" knows even if she does not want to admit it...
.."woman who loves too much"????!! ... Well, I think this could be a long dibate! some other time, may be!


redswallow777 48M
6810 posts
9/23/2005 11:19 am

It is important that no one get hurt because of our actions. I respect you for coming to grips with that....and am sure you can find other mates to play with.

gentile_sadico 51M
1368 posts
10/3/2005 11:06 pm

i admire your decision to stop seeing married men but let me give you a different perspective....a married friend of mine is in a very sticky situation, he loves his wife dearly but she no longer has any interest in sex, he's tried everything to rekindle their passion with no luck.....needless to say he's very frustrated as he enjoys sex very much yet he doesn't want a divorce as he wants his kids to grow up with both parents in the house...i'm not condoning cheating in any way, but you can see why he would consider such an option...

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