frogger1995 39F
4342 posts
9/9/2005 4:52 am

Last Read:
9/26/2006 5:58 pm


Anyone who is a real fan of Seinfeld, or just watches the reruns because nothing else is on, may be familiar with the episode where George discusses Hand in a relationship. He is dating an attractive classical pianist and comes to the realization that he is somewhat of a loser compared to her. He lacks what he referred to as “hand,” which I assume is a reference to having the upper hand in a relationship. What in the world could he have to offer this attractive, classy, educated woman? He begins to falter and feel uncomfortable with the entire relationship realizing that one day she may very well come to her senses and dump him. He decides solve the problem in a childishly Seinfeldesque manner and preemptively dump her before she can dump him.

I am a firm believer in maintaining an appropriate level of “hand” in all of my relationships. Let me start off by saying that I have a very healthy self-image. I consider myself to be above average on a scale of 1 to 10; but I am not drop dead gorgeous and I am the exact opposite of photogenic from the neck up. I need to have a certain comfort level with the men that I am with and, like George, if I am constantly questioning why this individual would "stoop" to dating me I will not enjoy myself.

I have received offers from all types of men. Some of them have been pretty damn hot…I mean cover-of-GQ, Chippendale’s dancer, Playgirl Centerfold all-rolled-in-to- one hot. I reject them all, not because I think I am not good enough for them, but because there would definitely be a low level of “hand” in the relationship, however brief it is.

Let’s face it, this is a physical relationship site. I don’t expect a man to fall for me simply because I have a doctorate, or know how to write, or make a certain amount of money. My only “hand” is how attractive I am, or what I am willing to do sexually. Since I refuse to give an inch with regards to my standards on the latter I am stuck with the former.

That’s why I like average guys. Guys who would be considered "OK or nice looking" but not hot; Guys who are starting to bald; guys who haven’t quite maintained their college weight; guys who survive on their sense of humor alone; guys you wouldn’t look twice at walking down the street; guys who would never even try to pick up on the hottest chick at the night club; guys who don’t bother to dye the grey hairs they are starting to get; guys who don’t consider working out to be their religion; guys who don’t even know where their local GNC is at…your basic Average Joe.

Why these guys? These guys act as though they are the ones being honored by your very presence. These guys don’t play games and wait a week to call when they said they would call the next day. These guys treat you like the goddess you deserve to be treated like. When these guys mention another woman, to try and make you jealous, it seems more amusing than mean. These guys will overlook or completely ignore any physical flaws that you have. These guys will exclaim how beautiful the ass is that you think is too big/flat/small/flabby/droopy. These guys will go out of their way to keep you interested, knowing that you have “hand.”

Is it a power trip? I suppose so. But don’t get me wrong. I would never abuse any “hand” that I have. I keep it safely hidden under lock and key in my back pocket. I am not a bitch or a tease or unappreciative in any manner. As long as the man is respectful and decent, he will never even know my "hand" is there. It never comes out until the guy begins to act like a jerk. Then he will be a party to the full wrath that the “hand” has to offer. Fortunately, in keeping with the rules of “hand,” this has yet to happen.

P.S. To anyone of my Adult Friends reading this. Please don't take offense, for several of you, I have broadened my standards. And I have appreciated each and every one of you.

bigman48002 60M
19 posts
9/9/2005 6:34 am

Great Blog! Truth is, that you are pretty, have a great body, deserve to be treated like a goddess, I'm not my college weight,....OH MY GOD! I'm an Average Joe!!!!!!!! Just kidding. Since we've met, I can say that you truly are more than just a beautiful woman. You're smart and it's easy to talk to you. You sell yourself short. I think in any relationship, you would not have any problem holding the "hand". See you soon

WildWon1982 34M

9/9/2005 9:42 am

Aside from the baldness or the grey, I think I meet every facet of the "Average Joe," paragraph, and the hair ones will come as I hit 30 or so. I am one of the ones who will treat the woman like the goddess she is, because women deserve to be worshipped, and not just because they give us sex on occasion. I never find myself inferior to anyone, I don't think I'm "lacking" anything. However, I am thankful for any woman who will realize that I treat women right, despite not being "cover-of-GQ" hot, and that the guy that does look like that is probably an asshole and will cheat on/abuse you, cause he thinks he has "hand."

Oddly enough, I always read something different, into that episode (I was only able to catch on to Seinfeld after it ended), probably because I took "hand" way too personally. Not offended, mind you, but found personal meaning in "hand." For me, it was my prowess WITH the physical hands. I can cook, I can build, somewhat, and in the bedroom, I can play a woman like a piano, finding all the pressure points and errogenous zones with just a tap of the finger.

And you are right in one respect. I, as an example of the Average Joe (though I never saw the show, thank God), am honored that a woman as lovely as you would give guys like me the time of day.

frogger1995 39F

9/9/2005 12:27 pm

WildWon1982: I don't consider average men inferior to me (I'm not sure if that statement was meant for me). I just think, like you said, they are less likely to be a jerk because they are average. Hot men, like hot women, tend to know they are hot and as such have a habit of taking people who are with them for granted....Not what I am looking for, thank you!

toothysmile 50M
16515 posts
9/9/2005 1:39 pm

You know this is a fascinating topic. WE could go on for hours discussing what our priorities are in choosing a mate.

But, while looks are always important, my gut tells me it's a matter of chemistry. Most of us are not flawless in appearance. And yet sometimes we hear a 'click' when we 're with someone, regardless of what they look like.

I 've seen magazine cover girls who were striking, but somehow had a negative aura about them [Incidentally, ever discussed sex life with a cover girl?]. And I 've fallen for women who weren't picture perfect but managed to send me the right message.

Next topic: What is that message for each one of us?

Lovely post. Thanks again.

rm_smegma00 37M
7 posts
9/9/2005 3:44 pm

didn't you say you had a few meetings with a "hot young stud, that doesn't know he's hot" a few posts back? Why did you filter him out?

frogger1995 39F

9/9/2005 4:57 pm

smegma00: I mentioned in one of my posts about him that he was a little insecure with himself. He was very skinny growing up and kind of bulked up to compensate as an adult. He was still building his self-image and I was happy to oblige . Not that I seek out individuals with low self images, he just seemed very humble and sweet.

TzarsCannySmite 52M

9/9/2005 7:45 pm

Frogger .. you write the best blogs! "hand" is a great story and your relationship to your feeling is very insightful! You are indeed one special woman!

big1atfortpolk 36M

9/9/2005 7:56 pm

well like him, YOU seem very humble and sweet. Like someone else said above, you sell yourself short. There arent many men that would love to interact with you no matter how much "hand" you had in the relationship. You are too modest. Although I havent been lucky enough to view a face shot (or even a response for that matter..lol) I am sure that you are not the opposite of photogenic from the neck up. I enjoy your blogs and think you are very interesting and intelligent. I look forward to more blogs. take care

rm_hap876 42M

9/9/2005 9:02 pm

What a great post! It is so nice for us regular guys to get a little respect from the ladies.

jim5131 55M
1296 posts
9/9/2005 9:15 pm

Great topic, Frogger. I had a conversation with a friend of mine on this earlier this week, starting with "Do you ever look at a mismatched couple and wonder what is going on behing closed doors?" One of them has the upper hand, socially, financially, physically , emotionally or personally.

It's a man's nature to have someone to serve..and may it be a goddess that he looks up to in order to bring out his potiental.

It's difficult for the Average Joe to work for nobody but himself and really strive unless there is a goal, purpose or reason. It's too easy for us just to exist. Too difficult and meaningless to work hard for nothing more than our own legacy.

I think I fit smack into the middle of the Average Joe, although I've been told otherwise. If I didn't have a Queen to take care of, I would be satisfied in being a Knight. Screw trying to be a King.

Give me a good woman and I will never stop trying to make her happy. Upper hand. Women need it. Don't abuse it.

silverfoxrun 40M

9/9/2005 10:18 pm

I liked your blog, it definately bring up a good point about relationships, whatever they may be. You do bring up a good point about how the 'hot' one in the relationship can use that to his/her advantage. I guess the one point I will bring up is, and this is from my experience, hot women are usually the ones who take advantage of this. But this may be biased since I tend to only look at hot women and not hot men . What is your opinion?

frogger1995 39F

9/10/2005 4:42 am

Oh boy! so many Average Joes to choose from...
big1atfortpolk: I will give you one and a half out of two (check you messages)
hap876 & jim5131: I think you guys would be surprised at the number of women (even really hot ones) who appreciate guys like you...especially as the grow older (read: grow up)

silverfoxrun: It DEFINITELY works both ways. Actually it is an interesting point I noticed with a really nice really hot friend of mine. The only men who approached her were self-centered jerks (hot or otherwise) because everyone else was too intimidated. She was always miserable...we finally had to set her up with an Average Joe and they dated for 2 years.

rm_joaquinwood 32M

9/11/2005 1:05 pm

I have seen almost all episodes of Seinfeld and I think I remember the episode of the hand. I think that its tough but its true. I've also done the same thing when I've gone out party and I've met a girl who wanted to have some fun with me; if I thought she wasn't attractive (the most normal thing) I just was polite and said 'no thanks'. Sometimes she isn't attractive but there's something in her that makes me hot, I don't know how you say it in English but in Spanish we say that she makes me feel 'morbo'.

Priapeo 46M

9/13/2005 3:44 am

Oh... these are great news for guys approaching their 40's

Never argue with an idiot. He brings you down to his level then beats you with experience

patsam69 51M/51F

9/13/2005 6:01 am

Frogger...I totally agree with you . I too love the average guy. I don't have time, nor do I want, to deal with some cocky guy who thinks he is doing me a favor by having sex with me. This is what you get with the very good looking man. The average looking man appreciates a woman more. He knows how to treat a lady like a lady. Its as simple as that! BTW...I love sienfeld. are u the master of your domain?? LOL

MiAmore62 49M

9/14/2005 4:52 pm

you have absolutely NO self esteem...... probably why you have so many degrees.......

singlequietone 67M
232 posts
11/20/2005 1:07 pm

You continue to amaze me with the insight you have. I know you keep telling us you are not perfect, but I just haven't seen any flaws yet. I am another of those average Joes, lived quite a bit longer than you, have a great thirst for knowledge and am curious as hell about many things-------But, you would not believe how much I admire you and the many things you tell me about that opens my mind about different views on ideas. You've got to be in the Mensa category. What an absolutely incredible woman!!! Brains, looks, attitude, insightfullness---as close to perfect that I'll ever see.

Become a member to create a blog