Does it Count if it  

frogger1995 39F
4342 posts
11/14/2005 5:43 am

Last Read:
9/26/2006 6:20 pm

Does it Count if it

As those of you who read a prior post of mine may know, I have certain issues when it comes to revealing the number of sexual partners I’ve had. It’s currently at the point where I feel compelled to say “I’ve had eight partners…nine if you include anal sex.” Whether or not this matters to a potential future partner or not, it somehow makes me feel a little less “seasoned.”

There are really three different types of sexual “intercourse,” vaginal, anal, and oral. It is understood that vaginal must be included in any repertoire of sexual experience. Anal and oral are sometimes a toss up. The man I had just oral sex with stated that he had become interested in it as a teenager with a girl whose mother forbade her from “having sex.” She considered anal sex to be an appropriate alternative to vaginal, as though that didn’t count.

Most of you who have seen the movie Clerks may remember the scene where Dante, the main character is discussing his sexual past with his current girlfriend. She freaks out when he tells her he has slept with 12 women, professing her own sanctity by having slept with only 3 men, including him. The tables are completely turned when he finds out that she has given head to 36 men, 37 when he is included. He throws a fit claiming that he’s going to taste 36 different guys every time he kisses her.

That last statement is not completely untrue. The condom and AIDS awareness commercials like to tell us that when we have sex with someone we are having sex with everyone they have had sex with. This usually is targeted at vaginal sex. But when you think about it, if we give head to or gown down on someone aren’t we also giving oral sex to everyone they have had sex with? The same holds true for anal.

Why is it that certain types of sex are left out of the equation as though “they don’t count,” and others aren’t. I throw in my addendum about anal sex when quoting my numbers because deep down I’m not sure how much it does count. It really depends on the reasons why the numbers are being quoted. If it is for purposes of revealing “who have you been truly intimate with” anal sex might count as “just fooling around” right along with oral sex. If it is for purposes of disease risk then it should be included, right along with oral sex. After all, anything you can get vaginally, you can get orally and anally.

I like to imagine what the stats would be concerning “number of partners” if oral sex were routinely included in the total. I’m sure a lot of “chaste women” would suddenly start looking like sluts and individuals like me, who have only given head to slightly more partners than I have had vaginal or anal sex with, would start looking like mere novices.

Things to be Happy About:

Garter Belts
Ice Cream Floats
The Count of Monte Cristo
Satin Sheets in Black

curious6_9_79 37F
6 posts
11/14/2005 6:35 am

I completely agree ... my number of boys I've gone down on is just slightly higher than my number of boys I've slept with. The number I've done anal with is only 2 and one of them is my husband. I never think of telling people based on safety. It's more of a question of proving 1) I'm not a prude and 2) I'm not a slut. A fine line for a woman.


1023 posts
11/14/2005 6:40 am

Totally off point, but how 'bout in Clerks when he yells to her, "Try not to suck any di** on the way to the parking lot!" and then he stops some guy "Snowball" who starts to follow her after hearing that?

Funny thing is I used that same phrase a little turned round in an email to a very sexy fem on this very site... I ended it with, "and please try not to do any strangers in the airport bathroom while awaiting my arrival..."

Small world, huh?

Jobe00 42M
211 posts
11/14/2005 6:54 am

Froggie, sex is sex.
If I differentiated vaginal, oral, and anal, the number of women I've been with wouldn't change at all.
Every woman I've been with, I've had at least two (and sometimes all three) of the three kinds of sex. In fact, I only say I've had sex.
I see no reason to differentiate between the three.

Sex is sex.

TheNaughtiestElf 106M
23 posts
11/14/2005 7:02 am

Are you only counting men, or do you includes elves in this?

TalonDuddyTonks 47M
659 posts
11/14/2005 7:24 am

It certainly is an interesting discussion. I dont know why some types of sex seem to count and some types don't count. It probably goes back to our puritanical roots somewhere.

clerks was a great movie.. been a while since i have watched it.. need to watch it again someday!

Boy121975 41M

11/14/2005 7:38 am

Obsessing about how many men you've had sex with is like guys obsessing about how long they are. In the end, it doesn't change who you are, nor does it make you a better/worse person.

Having sex with others is a choice that you have made and is representative of the lifestyle that you are living. There is nothing wrong with that. The true question that you need to answer for yourself is why does this matter. You will find equal numbers of people who think that pre-marital sex is whore-ish or who think that taking time to count simply means that you're not trying hard enough.

Oral, anal, or vaginal are all ways do describe sexual acts. If you want to draw a line between anal and vaginal, then why is that line better or worse than drawing a line between kissing and fondling?

Sorry for the long lecture, but I think that you are a mature, intelligent woman and it saddens me to read that you're obsessing about something so insignificant as the number of partners that you've had. In the end, you simply need to ask yourself the following questions:
1) Was I safe?
2) Did I have fun?
3) Am I happy with whom I am?

If you can do that, then everything else is unimportant.

Happy blogging

rm_Ptalk1155 34M
3450 posts
11/14/2005 7:38 am

Didn't this discussion get settled when Clinton got his winky whacked by Monica?

I, personally, have no interested in a women's partner-count other than how it relates to her sexual health and therefore my sexual health. As far as what counts, I like to think of it in terms of a monogamous relationship. If you're in one, and you tell your partner you went out and gave somebody else a blow job, or let another man take your ass, I would imagine that would make your partner hurt/jealous. So, in my mind, that means it qualifies as sex just as much as anything else.

bear77344 60M
103 posts
11/14/2005 7:49 am

I think if you're telling someone who might be upset at the actual number (low or high) it's ok to quote a number that you feel that person would be comfortable with. It's their hang up not yours. But I also think that sex is sex; vaginal, anal and oral and all numbers should be combined (or broken down individually) for the accurate number. But it's your personal life you don't have share that number with anyone if you don't want to. I'm really not sure what good it is to discuss prior sexual relationships and the quantity with a new partner anyway.

bardicman 50M

11/14/2005 8:16 am

I could care less about a womans partner count.

Is she disease free...

Sex is sex. It matters not where m'dinghy sets sail too. When he leaves the port of my pants headed for the deepwaters of a female it matters not where he drops anchor. The mouth of the river, The backdoor to paradise or the very gates of heaven. Its all sex and its all good. If not we heave the anchor, turn hard to port and set sail to the calm waters of whackypeepee.

oops went off on a tangent of sorts there. Sorry Frogger....

I am not dead yet

FriendlyTickler 45M

11/14/2005 8:46 am

According to Clinton, oral sex isn't sex. I'm still confused.

On a different note, I followed up on one of your responses to another guys blog where he threw his beliefs out onto the table for everyone to see. I found your last comment to be interesting. You stated that you were unclear as to which side of the fence he was on (Politically speaking). I don't know that he represents the vast majority of people out there but I do know that I'm one of those people. I share views on both sides and have a difficult time affiliating myself to one or the other. While I initially felt Bush was a good candidate, I feel that he has let us down over the long haul. He has made foolish decisions that have forced our nation to commit way too much. Many of the decisions appear to only help the (elite) wealthy in our country. I would also agree that some of his moves appear to be complete arrogance. On the other hand, I'm not a fan of the government supporting the lazy. I don't want to know that my tax money is going to be used to pay for a fit adult to sit on his butt, stay home, or do nothing. I'm not saying everyone who is collecting from the government does that but there are many out there that do. I do believe in helping those that need it though and infact do donate money to some very deserving charities. I believe in freedoms and not voting them away. I believe in being responsible as an adult and being a responsible parent and not doing a half ass job either way. I believe in birth control but not abortion unless the pregnancy endangers the well being of the mother. Yes, I do understand that in the first few weeks the development of the fetus is still very premature and if I'm correct still in cell division to an extent. That however does not make it an acceptable means of birth control in my opinion. I could go on and on but I do realize that this isn't the right forum (your blog) but you did provoke some thought in me which inspired me to comment. I hope you don't mind. Oh, one last thing. I did think that Clinton did a good job overall with exception to some of his dealings with China.

Back to your blog topic. All acts I would think would count as sexual intercourse. But then again I don't want to know how many men a womans been with regardless of what type of sex she's had. So I wouldn't even ask. That would lead me down a road that I wouldn't want to travel. There are some things that are better left unsaid, I'm not saying to be dishonest in a relationship but if I don't ask that probably means I don't want to know.

In my opinion your numbers aren't bad but you do have me beat. I know guys that can't even remember the names of the woman they've slept with because they've slept with so many, that's bad. Is that a good thing? I don't know. Is it considered to be more acceptable for a man in our society? I think it is but I certainly couldn't defend it. I truelly believe that everyone should be their own person and worry less about what other people think. If that means you've given BJ's out by the dozens, had anal sex with 10 or so men, had vaginal sex with another 30 or so then so be it. Just make sure you've practiced safe sex. That way when you meet your next partner or maybe even your future husband you don't have to worry about endagering them or yourself. I guess I'm sounding very liberal right about now aren't I?

Take care

digdug41 49M

11/14/2005 8:55 am

any exchange of bodily fluids counts as a sexual encounter but as long as your clean just be care ful and have fun

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

jakblack36 48M

11/14/2005 8:59 am

A couple of points to mention on this subject.

1. If you are concerned about the number of partners you have you are reaffirming the double standard that woman are sluts if they enjoy sexual freedom and boys will be boys. Don't worry about the numbers.

2. Risk factors vary with the type of sex you are having. Being a paramedic I have had much training in blood borne pathogens. Anyone in allied health care (Docs and nurses) would agree I am sure.

Remember education is key to prevention so play safe.

If you are unsure abuot how to play safe now is the time to educate yourself. There are plenty of good resources on the net.

1 post
11/14/2005 9:55 am


phangasm2003 106M

11/14/2005 10:37 am

I'd say it counts, but in my mind, anal is more intimate than other forms. IMO, it takes a lot of trust for a woman to let a man take her ass - it's so much easier to hurt her, and the potential for a mess is there. However, I remember reading an article in the WestWord (local sister paper the Houston Press) where they were talking to high school kids about sex, and their consensus was that oral and anal didn't count. And I guess that for the purposes of disease check, the number that would really count would be unprotected instances.
My feeling is that if you're keeping count, you've had too many partners...or maybe not enough!

rm_anacortes 74M
2850 posts
11/14/2005 12:17 pm

I guess it is just OUR SOCIETY; a seeming fasination WITH NUMBERS/ STATISTICS..

Years of education
Women's measurements.... Men's measurements (length, girth)
etc, etc, etc.


Think about it! What are we trying to prove?

Are we "better" or "worse" than someone/ something/ some "standard"??

I might be more interested if you had "calculated" how many "I love you's" you have given/ received....

Namaste n luv

rm_thickguy81 36M

11/14/2005 12:39 pm

Wow what can I say that hasn't been said so far? I agree with many of the responses posted. Sex IS sex. As for wondering about what a future partner might think it can be fairly simple or fairly hard. Just like in Clerks if you're not honest about it it'll be hard and blow up in your face, no pun intended. But if you're honest and your partner really does love you its not going to matter how many as long as he or she is the one you love at that time. If that still isn't enough maybe he or she isn't the one.

trustno01 55M  
2364 posts
11/14/2005 2:45 pm

I know a girl who's boyfriend is currently in the army and stationed in Germany. We were out for drinks one night and started to play "I Never". I am sure you all have heard of that game. Well through the course of the game she admitted to giving oral to several men while her boyfriend is away. We gave her the third degree about it only because she said that it was not sex. To me that is sex, anal is sex and of course vaginal is sex.

bullseyetou 63M
175 posts
11/14/2005 2:45 pm

Frogger you are wonderfully prolific and thought provoking.

I think Bill Clinton was the first to put forth the argument of which of the three constitutes sex lol.

I've also heard that in Japan there is a current trend of young woman only engaging in anal and oral sex in order to maintain their virginity for marriage. Whatever works I guess.

Personally I think all three are sex but vaginal is something special.

smiles - Bull

TTigerAtty 62M

11/14/2005 3:55 pm

Oh, Frogger, I don't care how many! Just tell me I'm the first and only! That's all I need to know!

By the way, congrats to the Huskies ...31-14 over the Arizona Wildcats!


rm_littlejake18 46M/48F
35 posts
11/14/2005 4:29 pm

Two questions: Which do you prefer, the book or the movie version of The Count of Monte Cristo? And how do you make your ice cream floats (ice cream first and then the soda, or soda first and then the ice cream. My grandfather used to make the best; they were always perfect. Mine are usually too fizzy)?

jim5131 55M
1296 posts
11/14/2005 4:46 pm

Hey Frogger...funny that you would post this the same day that Luke69 did a similar post...and I quoted the line from 'Clerks'. My kids still use that line for different stuff..

I think sex is anything you wouldn't do as a friend and still not call her a lover, whether oral, vaginal or anal.

Includes any sort of penetration.

Sorry, I'm including French kissing.

Call me old-fshioned...

easy_8 56M

11/14/2005 5:00 pm

I just stumbled across your blog and all I can say is "WOW"...
Sorry, I'm usually deeper than this....
What was the question again???

rm_adultmusic 60M

11/14/2005 5:21 pm

Frogger: You're wonderful! I'm so glad I discovered your blog. And can I sign up to be your next secret benefactor?
As for daughter (who is 16) explained it to me. "Dad" , she said, "oral sex to my generation is first base." Bill Clinton was just speaking to a younger generation when he said he hadn't had sexual relations with "that woman". For us old guys it was just like feeling her boobs!
And as I told my daughter....If your clothes are off, you're having sex.
I have had an experience with one woman that was so totally intimate, so completely in touch with each others emotions, that we might as well have had sex, but because of circumstances was just conversation and a kiss "Good Night". I've also had sex with a couple of women who didn't care who I was, just that I was there and had a penis. I think what counts is the connection and the intimacy...not the orifice.

craptoast 39M

11/14/2005 5:42 pm

I've had two partners.

So if we include oral, I've had three partners.

If we include french kissing, I've had five.

Oh wait, I french kissed a guy once. Crap, that's six.

Gosh, I almost feel like a real man (except for the whole guy thing, it was for like three seconds, leave my manhood alone!)

Greenguy96 43M

11/14/2005 6:20 pm

You can get more then just AIDS from oral and anal. 1 out of 4 people have herpes, If a guy has it, even with out sores, and you put his dick in your mouth even for a few minutes you can get it, for life.
ALSO if your in a long relationship oral and anal sex become very rare so the become SUPER SEX.

frogger1995 39F

11/14/2005 7:18 pm

curious6_9_79: It is a fine line...and it depends on the person you tell. My friend at work thinks I've been with too many. A man on this site said it was barely a drop in the bucket...go figure.

HORNYVIKING722: Yeah, I love that movie too. I'm surprised I remember the actual numbers.

Jobe00: I wonder. I asked this because I actually had to fill out a questionaire when I got my HIV test and it asked me whether I had been with 10 or more partners...vaginally, no. vaginally AND anally, no. All three, yes. How to answer?

DrKink4nastyFUN: Yes there is a difference. If I had to say "making love" partners, it would be far less than what I quoted above.

TheNaughtiestElf: Well it depends on what kind of elf.

Kat: Yes, I should stop counting. BUt I have a nasty habit of asking men, so it's only fair I reciprocate.

NameIsRace: I think our puritanical roots are slowly regrowing here...sigh!

Boy121975: Don't worry. It's not so much that I am obsesing over it. I was just curious to know why there seems to be a difference.

Ptalk1155: Yes, but the same would be true of kissing, or fondling, or even having an intimate dinner with someone...are those sex?

bear77344: IT probably isn't a good idea to discuss it and the most important thing IS sexual health after all.

digdug41: I think that comes close...but what if there is no exchange?

jakblack36: 1. You are so right! 2) yes, it is easier to catch some things certain ways...but they are all risky
And I know more than I need to about STDs, beleive me!

ROLALIN2001: Well I guess that answers that.

phangasm2003: I think there is something about the hymen that makes this so. That is pretty symbolic and vaginal is always (for some reason) seen as more intimate and "special." I agree that anal can be faaaar more intimate though.

anacortes: We are a statistical society. I had to fill out a 2-page questionaire when I took my HIV test.

thickguy81: I agree, that is probably why it is important to get to know someone before asking OR engaging in sex.

GQNY638: See, there are different opinions on the matter.

trustno01: See that is just wrong. Even if it isn't sex, fooling around of any sort on your spouse is not good.

bullseyetou: Yes, vaginal is special and the hymen is as well. You can technically be a virgin if you have had only oral and anal sex...maybe that is why they are thought of as less than sex.

TTigerAtty: GO Huskies! Lets hope they do as well this weekend.

littlejake18: THE BOOK...ALWAYS! (uncondensed) 2) Ice cream first, otherwise it plops in the rootbeer and splashes or with ice cream first you get that layer of sticky fizz on top...yummy!

jim5131: There must be something in the air. Though I don't know that I would include Frenching...then I would be a bit of a slut

easy_8: Welcome!

frogger1995 39F

11/14/2005 7:26 pm

adultmusic: I shudder to think what my childrens' generation will consider "first base"

craptoast: could be considered an expert if you wanted!

craptoast: Yes, you can get everything. As for herpes its more like 1 in 5 and that includes oral (cold sores). There are only certain times when you can get it (usually right before, during, and right after active herpes)...see I told you I know too much.

charleslamb4077 37M
90 posts
11/14/2005 8:07 pm

I dunno, Vagginal sex, Anal sex, Oral sex sounds like sex to me.

rm_Pike2489 46M

11/14/2005 8:24 pm

I thought that was how Brittney Spears said that she was a virgin...she just had anal sex. So I guess you could technically still be a virgin that way.

gentile_sadico 51M
1368 posts
11/14/2005 8:33 pm

lol...i tried using that excuse with the woman i discipline, i told her she was due for some disciplinary sodomy but to her that would be crossing the line(she's a virgin and won't have sex till she's in a committed relationship) i'm afraid that anal does count, but i would also say that anal is almost always done with a condom so there is the least amount of bodily fluids exchanged...

txguy6419 46M

11/14/2005 9:10 pm

Well, it is said that for disease purposes, it does count. You can still get STD's w/o having vaginal sex. I don't really care how many guys a girl has slept with. If she doesn't have any STD's, that's fine with me. One makes the choice to sleep with whomever they want. I'm not one to judge what the number is.

charleslamb4077 37M
90 posts
11/14/2005 9:15 pm

My best friend and I wre just chatting and we wondered if someone were to use their fingers to get another person off does that count?

Arc_Angel2112 42M

11/14/2005 9:25 pm

My numbers are sick! BUT, I use the excuse that I've been a pro musician for over 15 years and thats alot of lonely girls each night on the road,didn't want to hurt anyones feelings,lol...But to me I consider all of it SEX, but as far as hierachy I'd say oral could be ranked as foreplay(if you were trying to lower numbers),then vaginal,and anal(which you both better be in the mood for,lol)...For women it is a bullshit double standard,like old formula take whatever a guys says and divide it by 10,and take what a woman tells you and multiply by 3 to get the right numbers! I don't care who a woman was with before as long as there only with me currently! I rarely do one night stands(for about 6 years),I usually have a long term playmate which means just the two of us,I don't care about there past unless A)they have a disease because of it or b)there is a fear because of it(i,e. bad anal experience,etc)otherwise it's not really my business. When I try to come up with a number I try to be honest! If a guy is going to consider you a slut he needs to do math....365 days a year x your age(after 18,of course,lol) is it less then that,then what's the problem?,lol

rm_Ptalk1155 34M
3450 posts
11/14/2005 10:13 pm

By my previous discussion on the matter, indeed they may. Would I consider them sex? No.

rm_tuntuneco 55M
1 post
11/14/2005 10:47 pm

I believe that any type of sexual activity counts anal, vaginal or even oral. Its how YOU feel about each one of them that counts. Sex must be enjoyed to the fullest and no area should be forbidden. You sound as an attractive person. Dont let movies or comments have an influence on your point of view.

danteszippo 52M
3882 posts
11/15/2005 1:10 am

more or doesn't matter unless you have been stupid with your escapades. If a woman only had 3 partners and never used condoms, that is not good. If she has had 20 and used condoms, I'm in.

and as far as oral not being sex, well it always was to me. An orgasm is an orgasm, no matter what hole.

danteszippo 52M
3882 posts
11/15/2005 1:11 am

...and by the way,your ass looks so hot in that photo. Yum yum.

mikrocam 40M

11/15/2005 3:44 am

Hi Frogger,
enjoying your blog,and your things to be happy about are always worth a moments thought..
ive always wondered, why does it matter how many partners someone has had sex with, ive slept with one or two newbies and found it deeply unsatisfying, i would rather be intimate with someone who knows what they're doing than someone who doesnt and what someone did prior to me is really none of my business.
thats my thoughts on the matter, thanks for making me think

rm_iceylikr 46M

11/15/2005 6:26 am

Great butt!!!!!!!!!!

bobbydazzler69x 46M

11/15/2005 10:22 am

I know a girl who said that she didn't do porn because it was just girl on girl. According to porn stars, anal gets paid more than vaginal. I think that says it all. On the wider point, I never ask and I don't want to know. Only the people who were there know what was going on. You'll only open the door to jealousy if you start enquiring.

rm_anudeguy 65M

11/15/2005 12:15 pm

hi there is nothing like fucking a nice tight ass, except maybe a nice tight pussy.. i agree sex is sex

kennehh 52M
1 post
11/15/2005 3:26 pm

can i suck u pussy

rm_Balanon2 48M
193 posts
11/16/2005 4:16 am

Damb. Too slow again. I was going to post a fairly similar question in my blog, but you and luke both beat me to it. Guess I shouldn't be surprised since I take so long to write anything, but I digress...

I've never actually had oral with someone that I didn't also have vaginally. Never done the anal yet, but I don't see myself going there with someone I haven't had the regular ol' way either. What about hand jobs?

I once exchanged hand releases with a woman that was just supposed to be a friend. Maybe I'll write a more detailed account for my blog sometime, but let's just say we were naked, kissing, and alone, but we decided not to go further. So, no body fluids were exchanged, but we shared orgasms. Does this count too? What about condom use? Should protected sex count less than unprotected sex? I've had sex with a dozen women, but only three without a condom when body fluids could be exchanged.

I think just a straight number has become rather meaningless in today's sexual environment. The types of encounters are probably more important than the quantity.

rm_VoodooGuru1 49M
2053 posts
11/16/2005 4:35 pm

I stopped counting years ago; however, when I did, oral only didn't count.

There were also two women with whom I'd had anal, but no vaginal, and I never quite knew how to classify them. I brought the subject up with some friends one night, mixed company, and they all said that those instances counted double. They were very impressed with these two women, but I won't share the words they used.

To answer your question... yes, it counts double.

pleribus 40M
24 posts
11/17/2005 1:13 pm

The question is "Do you cum when you have anal?" If so then count it cause if so it was all for nothing.

MrTickleStick4u 41M

11/28/2005 7:44 pm

HOLY CANOLIE FROGGER!!!!! You are amazingly beautiful, and those are the nicest set of boobies i've ever seen!!!!!!Does anal sex count????Hell I dont know but I'd sell one of my kidneys to be number 10 with you sweetie!!!!!!Dueces.....

sleeplessknight1 68M

12/15/2005 1:38 pm

Have you read the book by Bill
he has a lot of interesting definitions....or is that non-definitions....

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