|Blogs > freshplus2005 > MWM in the Mirror|
Hey this AFF thing ALMOST worked... I think, maybe?
Hey this AFF thing ALMOST worked... I think, maybe?
Yeah, I know there are about 7000 married guys crusing AdultFriendFinder looking for whatever they are trying to get for every interested woman, so I suppose I should be pretty happy that it ALMOST worked for me.
In my case, what I was looking for was the obvious-- sex on the side (sure ain't getting much on the front) and, frankly, I also crave the special kind of intimate friendship that can grow out of a below the radar affair. I had a few very rewarding affairs in the past and sure could use one now to liven up my days...
Well, I found a woman on here who sounded to be as bored and, well--desperate, as me...plus she was not far from where I live. Although she had never "gone extramarital" before, she was sure talking the talk. She sounded like she was ready to take on the Dominos delivery man if it came to that.
I thought I recognized something familiar in her tone and what I recognized was ME.
I asked her what she really wanted and if she even knew. I was as truthful and sincere as could be: I told her that, for me, pure anonymous sex was just not my thing. What I wanted was a friend, a feeling of connection, as well as blistering hot sex. Makes it way better, I think.
In past experiences, I had found that the combo of "it is what it is" and sharing this feeling of being really lucky to steal away from the rest of the world with somebody you liked and fuck your brains out was something very special. I knew what it was like, understood how refreshing and exciting it could be, and that is what I needed.
She saw what I saw and she totally agreed that this was a beautiful thing to envision.
After a few e-mails I really got to like this woman. She was extremely open, sincere, and obviously a really good person. I told her that she could count on me to be honest with her and when I sensed a bit of hesitation, I tried to give her the benefit of my best advice. That is the kind of cue that you need to think about.
What it comes down to I think is that there is no right answer about sneaking around. Most people on AdultFriendFinder would probably agree that sex can be a really important thing, even/especially when you're not getting any, and there is no question that taking a chance upsetting the home situation is NOT a good thing AT ALL.
So what to do when "yes" and "no" are both right answers? I believe that here you have to keep the two domains apart, which is why I'm out looking around on the sly.
It is the kind of thing that you have to be in it to appreciate, so moralizing on the subject by single folks or married people who are still getting it on like mad is not recognizing the problem for what it is.
It is like having a kid... NOBODY can know what having a kid is like until you have a kid. No amount of third-hand experience or watching others can tell you what it is like to have a kid.
Similarly, nobody who is not in a sexless marriage is qualified to pass judgement...they can make decision about whether they want to get involved with a married guy/woman, of course, but it is hard to understand the whole dynamic unless you have been there yourself.
Maybe I just think too much, ya think?
I shared my thoughts and we were really connecting in this discussion. I had words for what she had not yet found a way to talk about. I learned what I know in the school of hard knocks, and if I was convincing it is because I knew what I was talking about.
Finally, we arranged a meeting for a "cup of coffee" and a chat. I was excited about prospects for some wild nookie, I won't lie, but by then I also really wanted to meet this great person even if it didn't go any further than friendly chat.
I showed up for the meeting. She didn't.
I totally understood. Wrote her told her she didn't have to say anything. You really have to go with your instincts sometimes and she had had an attack of conscience. She began to understand that you can't have it both ways and she picked one way.
I went on to say how about an INNOCENT cup of coffee and she said "sure". Made a date near where I was going to be anyway but I kinda expected that she wouldn't show. She didn't. I walked past and didn't wait around.
Well, this left me with a confused ambivalent, feeling. I was very disappointed, to be sure, but I was also kinda glad that she took the "sensible" route. Maybe I even helped her find her answer... What a dumbass, huh?
I wrote her to hold on to my e-mail address and I sure hope she writes me someday. If we ever get together, on any level, I think it will be a really great thing--which is not so say that I wouldn't love to make her squirm and moan.
So, maybe AdultFriendFinder does work. Didn't get the hot sex that seemed so close I could taste it (so to speak)--and I just know would have been real hot-- but we did both get a little taste of some kind of connection...at least I did... I think.
Maybe I'm just imagining all this...Now where's that wild sex???
3/5/2006 1:05 am
Hey there: Im up and reading through blogs cause I got stood up by this what I thought was incredible guy...we did the same as you described...hot e-mails, IMs, the workds for weeks and planed the meeting out in detail, but of course it was more than "coffee", but the day before and day of, I have not heard a peep out of him....but this is a first "no show" after about two and a half weeks of nonstop BS and hot sexual encounters....Although I am single, but really just looking for "hot sex", although I have picked out a few that I felt were more, but then I will come to myself or "reality" and realized why I am on here...but the point I wanted to make to you is keep looking cause in my opinion, this site is where you look for the "hot sex" encounter and as you know, and if your blessed, more..i.e. friendship..good friends...or experiences you or at least me would have never experrienced before in my lifetime...or in a normal situation....Good luck...|
3/5/2006 1:13 am
It's not AdultFriendFinder that works or doesn't work, it is nothing but the members who are on here and most of them live in the real world and therefore, when people decide to meet from here, they have to get back to the real world.|
I don't know if I could say AdultFriendFinder worked for me.... I signed up on here out of curiousity, wasn't looking for anything, never going to meet anyone and I was definitely never ever going to have an affair.
Then one day, almost 2 years ago, out of the blue appears this "old guy" on my AdultFriendFinder IM, 10 years older than my "wish list" on my profile. I told him he was too old, I wasn't even interested in a chat....... rest is history. We fell madly in love, have had some wonderful days and weeks together but live in two different countries and both have families we don't want to hurt.
I found on here what I didn't know I needed or wanted. If someone had told me 2 years ago that this was in my future, I would have laughed my a.. off. I have also made some very good "just" friends on here, something I never thought would be possible on a site like this.
In a couple of days I will be deleting this profile but I'm leaving with a small network of friends, looking for the next chance to be with my old git .
I hope you find what you are looking for on here or out in the real world.
(wow, this is probably the longest comment I have written on any blog and I have no idea who you are lol)