A side trip to hell?  

frell1975 41M
18 posts
9/20/2005 10:28 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

A side trip to hell?


Can someone explain to me how a man over 6 feet tall and not exactly skinny can turn invisible?

I speak, of course, about something that happens to me every time I step inside Costco. Where do I go once I cross that threshold? Is it when I flash the card that I am put under some kind of curse? Not long after I pass the tv's and computers that my shins start taking atrocious beatings from shopping carts; pushed by people who seem to be looking at me, but not. Also, no "excuse me," "I'm sorry," nor even, "Holy crap! Where did you come from?" is issued because it more important to pick out what flavor of muffins they want in their assortment. "Hmmmm...should I get all chocolate this week?(BAM!! 'Ow! The hell?!!' )...nah, I do like the blueberry so..."

And so it happens all throughout the store. I must constantly dodge and weave much smaller people pushing carts with wild abandon. Why is shopping at Costco akin to driving in rush hour traffic? At least in traffic I have music I can listen to; In Costco the only thing to hear is screaming children and the occasional "HONEY! A GALLON OF BUTTER FOR A DOLLAR!!!!" No matter how hard I try, nope, not noticed...that is, until I get near the registers to get in line to checkout. All of a sudden, everyone turns and sees me heading that way, and then there is a mad dash to cut me off at the pass. "Hey that guy is heading to the registers! We must get in front of him with our carts filled to the brim with hundreds of fabulous deals so he has to wait longer to purchase his three items!!"

After the grueling checkout, when your purchase have been placed in oversized boxes, it is a a mad dash to the exit, only to be intercepted by a gal that wants to doodle on my receipt. Does she stay within the lines with her neon marker? Noooo....just a lazy line down the middle; Some artist... Then, it's fully back to the world of the visible! I, the big guy, finally get all the attention. I am noticed again! A somebody! I must be a fascinating person since I made it outside alive... I know they can't be watching me like hawks just to see where I'm parked, right?...although, that guy who's been sitting behind my car with his blinker on for an hour is starting to look a little ravenous...maybe I'll toss out a muffin when I leave...so that way I can get home and soak my bruised legs and apply my gallon of butter to my Super Jumbo loaf of bread...Hey! They were a bargain!
Maybe tomorrow I'll go to Wal-mart instead, I'm sure it's much different there.....right?....

rm_BreastsrDD 51F
10 posts
12/20/2005 1:44 am

My favorite is when I walk towards the exit and people are all racing to get ahead of one another. Seriously though - I try to stick to the Business Costco. Still somewhat busy - but nowhere near as bad as the other ones.


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