X'ing out the love  

freetime648 52F
7629 posts
12/4/2005 6:10 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

X'ing out the love

"It is not hard for me to love....just hard for someone to love me"

This is my credo and I have to admit that as much as it is true...I do not care for it nonetheless.

Love comes in many forms and many facets and I am not ignorant to any of them. I love...I am very capable of doing so. I can love my hubby, my daughter, my family...etc....and I can love my friends. But, I am hard on that love. If you say you love me..you better mean it. If you go back on that love by doing or saying something that makes me question the truth of it...then you are x'd from my life. Family or not. Am I being selfish or am I just repeating my past? The truth is inside me and I do not care to see it. I want to be loved as a mom, a wife, a friend,and a confidante....and yes that love will be returned immensely, so why is it that I can toss it out just like that?

Cause I am used to it. It has been given to me and taken away so many times and alot of those times it has been ME to take it away. But, I have no room for people who say they love me to hurt me. When the hurt comes...out they go. I do not care if I do love them. My father is a man I loved dearly..then he hurt me and I have not spoken to him in 18 years.

Why am I this way?? When you figure it out...let me know......

xx FREETIME648 xx

freetime648 52F

12/6/2005 8:53 am

Sooner or later Dizz, I will talk to dad again!!!

xx FREETIME648 xx

rm_dizzyandfun 48F
752 posts
12/4/2005 1:05 pm

I am like you Free...I can give tonnes of love...endless love..but it has to be returned. Giving so much means that the taking away ( whether by yourself or whoever) cuts that much more deeply.
All or nothing..and it should work both ways. I never spoke to my father either in the 5 years before his death...his loss.

Dizzy xx

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