Complexity at its best...  

freetime648 52F
7629 posts
6/24/2005 5:56 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Complexity at its best...

I am going to approach this blog with the most careful words I can because I do not want to be misunderstood or taken in the wrong way. When I read profiles, I have noticed a numerous amount of individuals wanting extra-curricular activities because their signifigant other is not providing what they need. I mean this for both male and female profilers. The majority is of course, the men. (Now, no offense, guys, but it is true!)What I am wondering is why is this? If it is not a happy enviroment at home, why all the discretion? Because to be honest, all these profiles also include a line or two of not wanting to ruin what they have at home. I respect the need for more, and I am very lucky to have my hubby, who is not only happy at home but, is willing to share the happiness with my me and my desires.I don't know people, it seems that maybe the women are more demanding in their needs and wants and when it comes to being unhappy they are more apt to do something about it then men. Is it that hard to just open your lips and discuss what the problem is with the relationship with your partner? And, if you feel you cannot do that, then why is there a relationship in the first place? Maybe I am just clouded over because of the way I live my life. I am lucky to say the least. Again, I am not picking on anyone or referring to any particular incident. I am just trying to understand why all this happens. I am not judging anyone ok?

xx FREETIME648 xx

Mickey_884 33M

7/7/2005 4:35 pm

Perhaps in my naivity I do not comprehend the whole concept, but to me it seems that people are enticed by the thrill of the chase, the danger or forbidden element of it all. In spending every day of their life with someone, the person sees all the aspects of their personality, then can become used to the situation. The benefits of the relationship may be taken for granted or become "the usual". From this viewpoint I find it understandable why people would seek the possible thrills of the mysterious, although perhaps at the same time comes the fear of the unknown. It might not be worth sacrificing a good relationship for something that may not work out, but how is the yearning for something new and different suppressed? Is variety the spice of life?

Priapeo 46M

6/29/2005 2:02 am

A delicate topic for a cheater like me. The background for most of these cases, is "I tried and discussed with her but she's unable to live with the idea of an approved adultery, so I look for these gratification outside of marriage: after all I keep on loving her and I'm not subtracting her anything".

What I believe? I believe that there are no defensible reasons for this behavior. If we agree that a "mature relationship" is based upon sharing everything, or at least everything factual (the division for me is pretty simple: thoughts are not factual, facts are), then I'm unable to have a "mature relationship" because I can't do without extramarital sex, which is after all a minor thing compared to my wife.

There's no gildening the pill with words: if our wifes put us in front of an aut-aut, and we decide to go underground in order to avoid choosing, then we are guilty. Look! I'm not telling that we cheaters are horrible bastards that deserve to burn in hell... i'm just telling that we have a guilt.

Some decide "oh, this is not a guilt, after all" and some other tell themselves "I want to take this guilt and go on". The latter case is mine.

Never argue with an idiot. He brings you down to his level then beats you with experience

jdohio366 50M/50F

6/27/2005 5:15 am

I am one of those bad men and I love my wife very much. We tried the swinging scene but it wasnt for her so we stopped. I love the feeel and touch of others and experience=ing new things. You are lucky to have an understanding partner and I wish you both the best n the future. I guess the short andswer is that there is no short answer.

Each individual is searching for something else.

funsailor84 32M

6/26/2005 10:30 am

I am very passionate about this particular concept. This just drives me crazy. I was married, and ended my marriage after catching on to the goings on of my ex. To me, when someone takes a vow, that's it. That's the end of the discussion. If you make a promise to someone, you simply have to keep it. Now, if a couple wants to swing together, that's fine- there's no lying, they both agree to do it and as such, no cheating. But for someone to decieve the person they vowed to be with FOREVER; well, it just seems to be like lying to themsevles. A married couple in theory, is united as one. So, to decieve your spouse is to decieve yourself, which is about as unhealthy as you can get. To me, if you're unhappy with the level of attention you're getting from the Mrs., then so be it. A promise was made to be there forever and never give in to infidelity and it must be kept. If someone doesn't want to keep that promise, then they obviously weren't ready to get married and that's sad. It really speaks more of the maturity level of a person than of their happiness at home. And frankly, cheating is cheating, regardless of the spin that gets put on it. I try(TRY) not to judge people, but actions can be judged fairly easily, and this is one action that always makes me shake my head and mutter. The amount of pain that it causes in the end is just not worth the temporary happiness getting laid provides. The risk versus reward is way out of balance. Yet it continues to happen. I don't get it either.

freetime648 52F

6/24/2005 9:51 am

EM4M I do believe you are correct. Maybe that is why it was so hard for me to understand. I am not in their shoes. Thanks!

xx FREETIME648 xx

ohboy48 67M  
95 posts
6/24/2005 8:26 am

Sometimes it isn't a matter of extra curricular activities but just any activities. As you get older, physical urges are not strictly hormonal. Physiological problems can cause major stumbling blocks. Cessation of urges come with life and body changes. And priorities can get totally turned around.

Is it worth throwing 20, 25, 30+ years away because of these changes. I don't think so. If you can be happy with 95% of your life why jepordize it for the other 5. That also doesn't mean that you have to ignore it either. If you can provide yourself that outlet as well without hurting or embarresing your partner with some one in a similar situation then what is the harm. Being discrete, careful and considerate of all parties can some times be the answer.

ExploreMore4Me 59F

6/24/2005 7:12 am

Of course it will be difficult, if not impossible for you to understand. As you've so clearly stated "I'm lucky to say the least". It's difficult to understand these circumstances until you've been in them. The old saying: "walk a mile in another man's shoes" is pretty appropriate. I don't have any answers for you only a statement.

What logically seems to be the answer to a situation is often not the solution, but merely an addition to the complication. Some circumstances have to fnd a completely different path to resolution. Who are we to question what that path is?


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