Advice please.......anybody?  

freetime648 52F
7629 posts
9/3/2005 1:04 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Advice please.......anybody?

My friend, who I love dearly has began seeing a married man. Now, I am not being judgemental or critical, but this is so wrong. She has a family of her own, 2 kids, a husband, who, sometimes is neglectful, but, loves her and the kids nonetheless. The man she is seeing is also married but has no clue what he is doing. He says
(yes, I am unfortunate enough to know him too)he loves his wife very much and would never do anything to hurt that! So, why the affair??? I am feeling a bit stuck in the middle. I have asked all the proper questions and seem to be getting nowhere. If he wants to play or have more spice in his life, why choose someone who has her own little spices to worry about? Her, on the other hand, she is nothing more than a neglected, bored housewife. Why can't people communicate anymore? What happened to sitting down and talking to your spouse? Iron out the differences and renew the communication? These two people are sweet and caring and kind but I feel ashamed that they are doing what they are doing. And to top it off, they involve their kids when they get together. He brings his and she brings hers and it is all too confusing. I want to help, I have been asked to help, but, I feel I cannot help without being judgemental. WHat do I do??? I really do care for both sides and I wish nothing but the best but.....they are going to end up hurting each other! Let alone their families!


xx FREETIME648 xx

freetime648 52F

9/5/2005 7:31 am

Goddess, I think that you very correct, I cannot live my life thinking of what they should or should not be doing. I thank you for your advice, it is simple and I like simple a whole lot better...LOL

xx FREETIME648 xx

freetime648 52F

9/5/2005 7:30 am

Wyvern, I mean it is obvious flirting and kissing in front of their children...not a friend thing to do. I appreciate your advice....but like I said they both have asked me what they should do and I am really stuck.

xx FREETIME648 xx

freetime648 52F

9/5/2005 7:28 am so worry me sometimes! LOL

xx FREETIME648 xx

GoddessOfTheDawn 105F
11240 posts
9/4/2005 10:09 pm

you can do nothing but .... be a friend if you still think you can be ....

it's their decision, and they seem to have made it ...

wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
9/3/2005 9:18 am

just let them actual fact it is the least complicated arrangement for the two of them.....

the only hassle they will have is their partners finding out but they wont be experiencing pressure from each other for more as they both have their own commitments which will also minimise their involvement with each other....don't feel stuck in the middle move on yourself and let them both have what they need.

What do you mean that they bring their kids along? is this just social get togethers or are they getting down and dirty ?!?

look if it is just when they get together socially there is nothing wrong with that....they are friends.....would you think it so horrendous if it was two bored housewives getting together and bringing their kids along????


freetime648 52F

9/3/2005 7:05 am

Thanks Quiet, I knew I could count on you to give sound and sympathetic advice!

xx FREETIME648 xx

AlbertPrince 58M

9/3/2005 6:38 am

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

TheQuietGuy2005 54M
2386 posts
9/3/2005 6:25 am

Sometimes, I'm afraid, all we can do as a friend is to be there. To listen. And, if the worst comes to the worst, to provide a shoulder.

It's a bitch ... and it tears me apart sometimes ... but {shrug} so it goes. It's not always about approving of the actions of others; but love (in the non-romantic sense) is about caring for others even when we believe they're doing wrong.

That doesn't mean you have to help them when your intuition, your heart, tells you that they are about to hurt others. At the end of the day, your first obligation has to be to yourself, to maintaining your own integrity. Just refuse to help gently, in a way that leaves the door open for continuing friendship.

And, perhaps, offer up a brief prayer to whatever entity might be listening that they're not screwing their lives up ...

And my best wishes go with you all as this proceeds x

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