|Blogs > frbnkslady > just me..|
Two South Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer.
Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes."
Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave.
The next day Jim goes down to the college and meets the dean of admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: math, English, history, and logic.
"Logic?" Jim says. "What's that?" The dean says, "I'll show you. Do you own a weed eater?"
"Then logically because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard."
"That's true, I do have a yard."
"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house."
"Yes, I do have a house."
"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family."
"I have a family." "I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife."
"Yes, I do have a wife."
"And because you have a wife, then logically you must be a heterosexual."
"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing! You were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater."
Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the dean's hand and leaves to go meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for math, English, history, and logic.
"Logic?" Bob says, "What's that?"
Jim says, "I'll show you. Do you have a weed eater?"
"Then you're a queer.
Rhymes - for Big Kids
Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.
MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.
JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you dumb #$%!"
HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.
HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.
4/22/2006 4:26 pm
T-shirt I saw in Vegas: "if I don't remember it, it didn't happen"|
another T-shirt from another Vegas trip: "I'm in rebound; you'll do.".. (by the way- I did)
4/22/2006 4:24 pm
A lady's house catches on fire. She cals 911- says "help! my house is on fire!". 911 operator says "how do we get to your house?".. woman says "in a big red truck...DUH!"|
4/19/2006 10:09 pm
Funny stuff!!!!!!!!! You are RAD!!!! lol Thanks for the smiles!!|
4/19/2006 9:28 pm
LMAO!! I have to tell my father the main joke...he will love that.|
4/19/2006 6:40 pm
That was good here is one|
Two hunters walking through the wood and they comeinto a clearing.
In the middle of the clearing there is a big hole in the earth
the first hunter says to the second as he is looking over the edge "How deep do you think that hole is?"
The second hunder says, "Well I don't know? Why don't we throw somthing in and see how long it takes for it to hit bottom."
So the two of them scurry around the area looking for something to throw in. One of them finds a rock the size of a baceball and they stand on the edge as he trows it in.
They both losten intently and neither of them hears it hit bottom.
The second hunter says, "Well maybe we need something bigger!"
So they scurry around the area again.
The First hunter call from the woods, "Hey come help me I found something!"
When the second hunter gets there he sees his friend dragging a rail road tie so he helps him carry it to the edge.
They both toss it in the hole and listen but the sound they hear is comming from behind them.
Just as they turn around a goat come barrling out of the wood run right between them and jumps in the hole.
Both hunters are dumb founded as they look into the hole.
From behind them they hear a voice asking, "Hey did any of you two see a gaot around here?"
The first hunter said, "YES it was the most amazing thing it came running out of the woods faster then any goat I ever saw and jumped roght in this hole! It was amazing!"
The man said, "Oh that cound not have been my goat because I had him tied to a rail road tie."
4/19/2006 5:13 pm
People tell South Texas jokes? Here in S. Texas we all know that was conversation between Boudreaux and Thibadeaux two Louisiana Coonasses. We will admit that Bad Johnny lives here unless he is having sex with a family member, then he lives in Arkansas.|
4/19/2006 5:10 pm
Georgie porgie pudding and pie,|
shot his wad in his girlfriend's eye;
when that eye had dried and shuy,
georgie fucked that one-eyed slut!
Little buy blew....he needed the money!!!
4/19/2006 4:35 pm
hey there those are kewl I especially lik ethat last one and the main joke was killer cyaroun the blogs hun|
4/19/2006 4:33 pm
Now Im hungry for plastered pork, lamb, scrambled wall eggs and pudding pie. Those were cute.|