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Took A Chance
Took A Chance
If I’ve ever had a blind date - it is now far from memory. Though this was not totally blind, as we had exchanged photos and telephone calls.
I was a bit reserved going into this situation - and we had both agreed that intimacy was not an option on the first - and possibly second night - though neither of us saw this as reality - and it wasn’t.
Our camp was situated in a lovely spot next to Clearlake. It had a nice view of the lake through the trees and the wildlife was abundant and entertaining as we watched an osprey make breakfast of freshly caught trout in the snag just outside of camp - then the falcon in a tree as he was obviously watching for lunch - and found it as he dove from the branch and snatched that which would provide for him. Then there was Dusty & Roads - as we had named them - the two squirrels who kept pleasure with tidbits we tossed - not to mention the rose that had adorned the camp table - and this too was an added pleasure along the way. We had spotted a beautiful rose garden in a yard while taking a drive. As we stopped and walked over to admire it - the owner invited us in for a brief tour of his lovely yard - and of course he did not let my friend leave without a freshly cut rose, or two, to accompany her beauty. But, Dusty & Roads saw it only as a tender morsel that is not readily available at home.
We attempted a few hikes - as that was a focus for us both - but, camp was quiet and peaceful - we had settled in the beginning of the week - and there was no one there but us - a dream come true. It was difficult to motivate toward strenuous exercise when the camp we had developed was so peaceful.
And at night - the stars were brilliant as they glistened - sparkling - in the night sky. We had astronomy books and charts that helped us find constellations and the stories that accompanied them. Then, every once in awhile - a shooting star to brush texture onto the heavens we watched.
The tent was more than comfortable - cozy - a nest we had made - it could have been no better.
And with the open mesh of the tents ceiling - we routinely fell asleep in each others arms with the stars twinkling above.
These were a few of the pleasures we both enjoyed.
But, there was the downfalls. Though our passions were a pleasurable match - our personalities had the rough edges that can interfere with future promises.
I had left my baggage at home - I thought. But, it must have hidden in the trunk when I had my back turned - as it always does. And though it hid from me - she was able to observe it as it fumbled about.
I have friends - FRIENDS - people I love - they know my baggage - and they love me anyway - but this was not to be the case here.
In the evenings - under stars - in the nest - her nipples were hard - erect - and sensitive. The moistness below was ceaseless as my caresses and kisses echoed in the night. She was the flavor of love - her scent was that of Lilacs, honey and apricot - her skin was smooth and soft, and her passion took us into the wee hours of every morning.
But, as the sun arose - a difference had gathered.
It was me - I take the blame. Sometimes - in honesty - as words are spoke of truths - perception of what is said cannot be determined as heard by others. I had hurt her feelings - more than once - more than twice. My apologies were abundant as I scrambled to regain footing and calm her displeasure.
But, as I had baggage, I can only imagine that so did she - and it was affecting her ability to see the whole picture instead of a fumbling statement that was meant in good deed - but, now - all that was left was remorse for words I could not take back or rearrange - tho I tried. She would have nothing of it and the silent treatment became an hour long ordeal that made me wonder - what the hell am I doing here - I had been judged and passed sentence on without investigation - or consideration for my heart felt apologies.
Regrets - none. For if nothing is ventured, then nothing is gained. Perhaps I would meet the woman who would sweep me off into a heart warming bliss. I would care, protect, and love her with all that was in my deepest affections - I would not spend a moment alone - because she is always in my thoughts. And - as my love engulfed her life - so did hers with mine.
It hurt - I felt I had failed. Though I knew we were not a good match - she had my respect - and I would do all to make her experience a pleasurable one. It was just not to be. Though we kindled romance every night we were there - sex is never enough - DUH (and I hate that word - though I choose to use it here).
Sooooooooooo - do I turn my back and re-frame from blind dates, or do I move forward and hope that on yonder hillside - with grasses blowing in the breeze - she will be there - wearing her favorite sun dress that outlines the beauty and majesty that lies just beneath.
I had extended my willingness to meet another at the cost of travel and the unknown. I wonder if I should just stay in my own backyard.
6/29/2006 8:10 pm
My only blind date? My ex, nuff said|