Riddle inside an enigma wrapped in a mystery ..  

flamenco67 49M  
14 posts
1/20/2006 8:03 am

Last Read:
11/26/2010 6:39 pm

Riddle inside an enigma wrapped in a mystery ..

I believe this is how the briliiant Winston Churchill described women. Honestly I am so confused by our times. I thought I was in a happy marriage with beautiful children, good career. I was a decent, loving and faithful husband. I would have done anything to keep my little family together. Only to experience the devastation of emotional cruelty, physical abuse ( yes men get punched, kicked & slapped... so many times I lost count ) and adultery. Imagine, while I am working full time, a full time nursing student, and watching my little ones... well she apparently strayed. You know what I mean...you are working for a dream while someone else is simultaneously tearing it down ( without ever showing remorse, mind you ). Society seems to assume the male ruins the relationship, or somehow deserves the treatment. I believe there are many women that either destroy marriages . I really do not undrstand the ? Post modern feminism thing. I believe good men are suffering the consequences , the crimes of our fathers so to speak. Men truly did have it all at one point, and many selfish ones squandered a good thing. I think men are essentially disposable, expendable utilities ( what have you done for me lately...). I love that women are liberated, autonomous and enjoying all the joys of independence. However something is destroying the healthy happy nuclear family.
Difficult times to be an honest loving schmuck.

fenwaygirl_69 45F
1 post
1/21/2006 5:34 pm

I agree

newcalysiah72 44F

6/27/2007 1:24 pm

Honey. You are correct that society does tend to assume that men are to blame for the demise of marriages and committed relationships that fail. The reason for this is that, sociologically speaking, little girls are more or less raised to believe that marriage is the pinnacle of life. The apex. This is why young women buy and browse bridal magazines, and why they dream about their wedding and what it will be like, and why little girls throw blankets over their heads and march around the house with bunches of flowers in their hands. Most little girls in our society watch Disney movies, and get the message that some day the prince will come on his white horse and save her from her wretched lonely life. Most girls, myself included, really do (did) believe that sometime between the ages of 18 and 25, "the one" will magically appear. Many girls put their lives on hold for this ephemeral serendipidous man, and many, many girls end up in very bad marriages because they want it so badly, at all costs... and this is the guy that showed up, right? He MUST be the one.

Conversely, most boys hear their fathers chuckle under their breaths, they hear talk about the "institution" of marriage, they grow up hearing that someday they will become "trapped" by a woman who will rob him of his freedom. They go on fishing trips with their dads and their dads friends to "get away" from the women they are otherwise chained to. Look at the bachelor party... the man's last hoorah before entering the prison of marriage. Only recently have many women tried to emulate the same sort of idea by inviting strippers to bachelorette parties, but the real celebration at a bachelorette party involves the luck of the woman getting married, that she has found "the one", and she is the envy of all the unmarried attendees... not the other way around.

And these messages come not exclusively from a child's parents, but from the culture in general. You can have all the greatest intentions in this society, and try to teach your children a different way... but you are paddling upstream against a very strong current of television, beer commercials, conversations your children will have with other children at school, subtle comments your children's teachers will make, movies (hello Disney princesses), internet... the list goes on and on...

Of course personal experiences vary, honey, and it sounds like yours is an aberration (not abrogation or apparition, haha)... if only because although it is true that violence is perpetuated by both men AND women, the vast (very vast, last numbers I heard around 87%, but unreliable because of the lack of reporting) majority of domestic violence in our society is done to women, by men. And last I heard, abuse in homosexual relationships is on the rise.

Apperception (not aberration or abrogation, haha) is when one's understanding and perception of a situation is based on their own previous experiences, and this writing you have done here is a reflection of your apperception of the situation. It has nothing to do with post-modern feminism (which may or may not even really exist... but that is a whole other topic!).

Honey, you are a very sensitive and sweet man, and it sounds like you have experienced many things that most men do not (I'm thinking of the seagulls and rocks here...!). It is unfortunate that you have experienced abuse like this, and you certainly have a greater understanding and empathy for others that have survived abusive relationships (a group of mostly women). It is also very unfortunate that you have been blamed to some extent by society and others who may not know you so well... but that only proves the extent to which these socio-cultural messages are engrained in all of us.

Did I mention that I think you are the bees knees?

wildnnaughty4u 58F

7/7/2007 8:42 am

I have to agree with Steph...life is full of misconceptions about the sexes and who causes the demise of the seemingly otherwise committed relationship. It's definitely not as one sided as society would like us to believe. And neither is the abuse...as that comes in many forms other than physical. My situation being the opposite of yours, one in which I married, divorced and remarried the same man, only to have the trust broken a second time. I know what it feels like to be hurt deeply, so I can honestly say that I feel your pain. They say time heals...and it does, somewhat, but the scars always remain. And, unfortunately, they will affect everything we do from here on out. But we learn from them, and we move on...because we have no other choice. So, I wish you luck. You seem like a really together guy, and a very nice person...someone will be very lucky to have you.

And, you're pretty dam cute, too!!

justfree2b 62F

12/6/2007 7:07 am

I have to agree with your post...... it would seem that the break down in the "strong family unit" is a thing of the past..... and Yes,it can be two way street in any relationship........

Friends are the most important ingredient in this recipe of life

Live Well Love Much Laugh Often

seaside0210 54F

12/15/2008 10:31 am

I agree there is a backlash...women have more power and seem to be abusing that just like our forefathers did...my sons are coming across this very subject with young women their age...they don't really want or need the guy so they use them...find more power in that and leave the good guys wondering what happened...I hope that it doesn't change them into jerks...the good guys ARE few and far in between....I have been abused as well...growing up and from my spouse...first and foremost believe that you are worthy...be aware of what gifts of yourself that you bring...and dare to keep your heart open for someone good and deserving...imagine the magic of two good people finding each other...hope you find her...and keep yourself...

rm_NikaLee39 51F

1/24/2009 11:20 pm

Something has changed.....and and for the worst!
I too am "old fashioned"
Someone needs to be home for the children...we didnt have them to send them away 8-9-10 hours a day....see them on occasion, do the quality time BUL****
Women can coose if they want a family...or a career....but they wont be a sucess at both, not without paying the price. is it about the need for money....? not usually ...its about greed, so called sucess......(what exactly is sucess? last i knew, it was happiness?)
status....more things to fill the void...the emptiness of how i feel.
Things everywhere....but they will never breathe, and the havent a heart so they will never LOVE....
love is what keps us alive and happy....
we need to throw out all the gadjets! Take back the gift of simplicity.... when all is quite and simple, we can focus on what is truly impotant in this life.~~~

lushcurves59 57F

4/26/2010 6:22 am

Your post gives a lot of insight into your thinking. It's true, women can be equally as cruel in a relationship as men. It's unfortuate that people can't be honest if a relationship is not working for them. Furthermore, there is never an excuse for physical abuse. It's sad when women do this because we are not wired that way normally. It's true, men to pay for the sins of the fathers and of previous partners. That's a recurring them in a couple of Tyler Perry's stage plays and movies. One of his characters reminds the woman that he wants to date that he is not her previous man. Sometimes we forget that. Good luck to you. You seem like a good man. I've seen you've viewed my profile, and I did email you, but didn't get a response. If you ever change your mind, let me know.

Lush Curves

wantyounow19662 50F

6/24/2010 3:33 pm

Yeah, there are many women out there that are just useless, but not all of us.

ladyedy 73F

7/9/2010 6:20 am

And my story is just the opposite of yours -- some men treat some women as badly as some women treat some men. (OK, that sounds like "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck...but you see what I mean.)

I'd had two surgeries and was facing a third when he left -- oh, yes, there was another woman eagerly awaiting him. It really was not the best time to be left alone with three teenage daughters, but there it was. . .

I stood with the shards of my marriage at my feet, not knowing what to do. Finally I got angry, and loudly proclaimed "I'm not going to let that bastard destroy me!" I was the only person who heard me yell, but that didn't matter -- that was the point when I started putting myself and my life back together.

Anger can be a great motivator, but it has to be controlled and focused, and then it can be an effective tool to work with. I used mine -- I went on to college and earned a BA and a Masters in five years, then moved out into the world.

After he left me my mother told me it was the nicest thing he had ever done for me. Sadly, she was right.

Mine is just the same old story, told again and again by both men and women.


Strange days . . .

FishingPisces 61F

9/2/2010 11:41 am

No Relationship is a Waste.. If you Lived and Learned from It.. I am sure you did.. Lots of women do not share whats on their minds..If you think back. Maybe you missed the Hints of her desires....
Take Care..
A Friend of Your Soul

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