The Traveling Five Speed Sex Show, Episode 4  

five_speed 41M
3250 posts
11/2/2005 5:09 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

The Traveling Five Speed Sex Show, Episode 4

Things you never wanted to know about sex but we told you anyway:

A Continuing Series brought to you by Dr. Traveling and Dr. Overdrive

RE-RUNS
The Traveling Five Speed Sex Show... Opening Day
The Traveling 5 Speed Sex Show, Episode 2
The Traveling 5 Speed Sex Show, Episode 3

We have a GREAT show for you today! Please join us as we explore

Male Off-hand Masturbation

Many men use one hand more than the other while masturbating. In my specific case, even though I am right-handed with everything else, I use my left hand almost exclusively when I flog my dolphin, making my right hand my “off hand” when I “pound the pope.”

Before I continue, I feel obligated to note that, while it is very common, not all males display this behavior.

Some males spank their monkey so often that they become ambidextrous out of necessity. bulging_boy

Some only need a couple fingers on either hand when they pet their one-eyed custard chucker, so no dominat hand is never established. talldarkavg1

Some men are endowed to the point where both hands are required to burp the worm. Sizzle364

Some men are so huge, they rarely have a date with HANDrea, since they can blow themselves if they so choose. methodman1000

However, these men are exceptions. Most use one hand more often than the other.

I am not certain how the hand of choice is determined. I have squeezed snot out of Goofy for as long as I can remember, and I have always done it left handed, for as long as I can remember. I suspect the decision is based on which one feels the best. My dick just seems to fit better in my left hand.

But, off-hand wanking certainly has its advantages!

First and foremost, it feels different. Some times I smack Kojak so often with my left hand that he doesn’t respond anymore. When that happens, it’s time to call in the off hand.

Second, a man needs to do the five-knuckle shuffle with his off hand every so often to prevent muscle mass from building in an uneven fashion. I am guilty of this. The muscles in my left arm and shoulder are noticeably larger and more defined than those in my right.

Third, think of the off-hand as an emergency system. If you have an accident and lose your main hand, what do you think you’ll be using to club your baby seal? Your off-hand. You need to test it often to ensure it works. I suggest that you rub one out off-handed every time you see a test of the emergency broadcast system on TV, and every time your office or school has a fire-drill. They’re testing their emergency equipment. You should too.

Let’s return to my first point for a moment. When you’re getting jizzy with it and use the off-hand, it can be an awesome experience. It can feel like a new lover, one who doesn’t know exactly how to please you yet but wants to learn. It just feels different, and variety, my chicken choking friends, is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

As we wind up the show, allow me to leave you with one advanced off-hand technique:

It is possible to maximize the “new lover” feeling of the off-hand. The next time you’re practicing hand-to-gland combat, start with your primary care-giver and hang your off-arm over the back of a chair until your entire arm goes completely numb. Then, after you’ve got your two-toned trouser trout sufficiently worked up, close your eyes and switch to the numb off-hand. The “strange hand” feeling combined with the inability to feel your arm or hand will make it feel like some one else is giving your pink Mustang a lube job!

Dr. Traveling and Dr. Overdrive
Sex Experts Extraordinaire,
Telling The Truth About Sex in a Really Messed Up World

Sex Fact:

How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Let her do the dishes in the dark.

Indices of Noteworthy Posts
Fiction/Erotica About Me Humor Poetry/Miscellaneous



konkali 40F

11/2/2005 8:41 am

trav-ugh..
but thanks for the notes Drs.. I may just have to share this detail with a few of my prennially wank happy friends..
aren't y'all ever going to write tips for chics?


rm_1hotwahine 63F
21091 posts
11/2/2005 8:44 am

Dear Dr. Overdrive,
Can we have Five back now?

At least for subject matter choice - we know about the hand stuff; we're in the same boat.

Sincerely,
An Inquiring Mind

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


DefiniteTrouble 50F

11/2/2005 8:57 am

Vote Recount in Progress

I'll be back to comment on your "fine piece of Literature" later, asshat.


onelittlesecret 33M
1579 posts
11/2/2005 10:37 am

LMAO!


DefiniteTrouble 50F

11/2/2005 11:20 am

Sil - it has been brought to my attention that a woman's column is needed...MANY times. "Dr. Trouble" is the name it was given. I tossed the idea around, but found it's best just to issue rebuttals in their actual posts. They cry if I get too much attention.


DefiniteTrouble 50F

11/2/2005 11:26 am

As for this "fine piece of Literature"...

**passes popcorn** I just wanna watch. Please.

"How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Let her do the dishes in the dark."

Not a problem, smartass. I just won't cook. lol


redlipsprincess
(Princess Lips)
51F

11/2/2005 11:49 am

*wants to watch Siz burp the worm*

TTFN


tillerbabe 55F

11/2/2005 12:00 pm

I've often wondered WHAT METHOD DOES WITH THAT!
..now I have too much information..

going now to test this theory from a female perspective


dranba 39F

11/2/2005 2:27 pm

Thanks for the lecture. I hear that gloves can be pretty good too?


kyplowboy22 61M

11/2/2005 3:25 pm

ROFLMAO. It sure is a comfort to the rest of us, just knowing that you and Dr. Travling are using your valuable time in this cutting edge research. Do I smell a Nobel in the wind? Later

kpb


SoljerBlu 39M

11/2/2005 4:30 pm

Thanks. Since I figured you were referring to me with the comment about being able to give myself a blowjob, and to give both my cramped up arms a break, I went for it!...Doc says I should get out of traction in a week or two...
And, where do I find a woman who does dishes.. dark or not?


DefiniteTrouble 50F

11/3/2005 6:45 am

The Vote Recount in Progress is over. Things have changed. It's Official, Again. It’s not pretty.


Sweetest_Sin_Jes 36F

11/4/2005 12:48 pm

Did you blow-up doll burst or what? hehe!

Jess


Sweetest_Sin_Jes 36F

11/4/2005 12:49 pm

Oops! "your", not "you"! I got so excited reading what you had to say about masturbation that I lost my train of thought! I LOVE watching guys masturbate - YUM!

Jess


five_speed 41M

11/4/2005 9:07 pm

Trav, I am glad you found it so pre-orgasmic.

Kali, we may write tips for chics, as soon as one of us loses 3 out of five rock/paper/scissor matches and has to get the sex change.

Wahine, I can take requests just as easily as that stard five-speed can. Please let me know what makes your liver quiver.

Jez, I am proud to be such an important role model for young men everywhere!

Sil, I am an evil genius, but even I cannot figure out how to make women do what I want. If I knew how to do that, I would be a rich evil genius.

OLS, thank you, thank you, thank you!

DT, Five may let you watch for free, but you gotta pay your dues with me, now.

Redlips, don’t we all? I mean, of course you do!

Tiller, now you know, and knowing is half the battle. “GI JOE! A REAL AMERICAN HERO! GI JOE IS THERE!!!”

Dranba, gloves are only good if they are made from the penis skin of another mammal. I prefer baby elephant penis skin gloves myself.

KPB2, That isn’t a Nobel in the wind. Dr. Traveling had refried beans with his burrito at lunch.

Woodstock hippy, I have found I get best results from blind women. They can do anything in the dark, they don’t mind my hook hand, my prosthetic penis, or my cyborg eye, and if they piss me off, I just re-arrange the furniture without telling them.

Dr. Traveling, thank you for the extended lab tests of our techniques. I’ll have some one bring you some ice and an IV.

Sweetest Jess, it did not blow up, at least not in the way I think you mean. I gave it a brain, it started nagging me about not taking out the trash, and I shot it. I am glad you like to watch men wank their willies, as we say in the lab. Perhaps you would be interested in working for us in the lab? I can guarantee you the honor of working under Dr. Traveling most of the time!


bulging_boy 49M

11/5/2005 10:57 pm

I wish I could cum using the off hand method, but unfortunately fully extended I only reach to mid palm... which in turn means that I always cum using the in hand technique.

Confuscious would have been proud.


five_speed 41M

11/6/2005 10:00 am

bulging, he would be very proud!


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