Ford and Hasbro  

five_speed 41M
3250 posts
10/28/2005 12:01 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Ford and Hasbro

Ford and Hasbro

Back when I used to teach Cisco data networking classes, I had a female student that I nicknamed “Ford.” I called her Ford because she drove a brand new Mustang and because the company motto is “Quality is job 1,” which was funny, because Ford the student was not quite so diligent. When she got motivated to do something, by damn, it was done right, but the trick was to make her want to do it.

She called me “Hasbro,” because she said I made learning fun. That was also funny because some of that material is so dry, no one can make it fun. Try to build humor into teaching the different diameters of fiber optic cable, measured in micrometers. Go ahead. Try to make that funny at 8:30 PM after working since 5:30 AM.

She and I became very good friends. She probably confided more in me than was appropriate given our student/teacher relationship, but I can’t fault her for that. I just have one of those faces that people trust, and we both knew nothing inappropriate was going to happen. I liked my job too much to risk it, and she liked being married to a sugar daddy too much to risk it.

I’d have guessed her to be 24 at the most, but she was 30 and was the mother of two children. The other instructors used to ask me how I could concentrate on the lecture with her in my class, her ample cleavage prominent and the top of her thong peeking from the brink of her hip huggers. They didn’t understand how I could resist her emerald green eyes, her wonderful smile, her mischievous laugh, or her amazing ass.

Unlike most of my geek associates, I had a girlfriend already, and if that was not enough, I respected Ford. She was funny, smart, sensible, honest, loyal, and hard working. She was a very true friend, and I valued that entirely too much to let my cock screw it up. She used to flirt with the younger guys in the class. She could totally fluster them without much effort, and it just cracked me up to watch her mess with the cocky little sumbitches. She always left me alone, because she knew better, knew I'd shoot her down. She and I used to laugh and laugh about it. She sure could make those poor boys stutter and blush!

Ford was a die-hard NASCAR fan. She had life-time seats at Bristol, and she’d always have some lame excuse to get out of class at least once every semester so she could go see a race. I always teased her about going to watch a bunch of rednecks turning left for 500 miles. She had a beautiful tattoo in the small of her back. When you looked at it one way, it looked like a butterfly. When you looked at it another way, it was the crossed checkered flags of NASCAR.

We talked often about all sorts of topics. I was constantly surrounded by kids that thought they were adults, and it was so good to speak with some one who was mature enough to talk about serious subjects but goofy enough to laugh at a little johnny joke.

She told me that she had married very young. Her husband was 25 years older than her. A major power player at the aluminum plant, he’d married a country princess to be his trophy wife and the mother of his children, which she was content to do until both kids were old enough to be in school all day. She got bored and decided she wanted to go to school too, but he wouldn’t pay for it. Ford got a job at the Hallmark store to pay her own way and went to school despite her husband’s dire predictions of failure.

I think that is why we became such good friends. She had no faith in herself the first semester, and I would not let her quit until she understood that she could do it, that she was smart enough to learn and apply the concepts.

In the back on my mind, I always worried about her, because I could tell she was really coming into her own; she resented her husband’s iron grip and rebelled in every way she could. She told me once that he wouldn’t let her out of the house in the clothes she wore in class. She had to wear baggy jeans and granny panties before he’d let her go to school. She said she stopped at the rest stop and changed into her tight sweaters, low riding jeans, lacy bra and thong, just for class, and then changed back on the way home.

I knew there was going to be trouble in that household eventually, and I wanted no part of it. I would have helped her with money or a car or what ever she needed to get away from him, but I was not about to be the “other man.” She knew and understood my position, just like she knew I was a phone call away if she got in a mess. I just asked her to be careful, and I hoped that she never needed to call me. I know I could have called her if I needed help, although in my case, I probably would have been running from the cops…

When it came time for me to leave West Virginia, she asked me if I would stay a little longer, just until Christmas or so. We’d lost track of each other since she was no longer in the classes I taught, and she said she wanted a chance for us to catch up before I left. I told her the same thing I told everyone else: I am out of this shithole of a town in May, and not even God Himself is going to stop me.

I still remember the look on her face when I told her that. It bothered me then because I couldn’t place the emotion behind the expression. It wasn’t anger, or hurt, or depression or disgust… I just couldn’t place it.

After I left West Virginia, Ford and I emailed sporadically, with longer and longer periods between emails. She’s been on my mind recently, because I haven’t heard from her in over a month, and the last time she did write to me, she mentioned big life changes on the horizon. I emailed for details and never received a reply.

I got an email tonight, not from her, but from a mutual friend. Ford is dead. She was shot and killed Wednesday night by her husband, who shot and killed himself after he killed her. She had filed for divorce and was staying with her parents. He shot her. Ford is dead.

And that look on her face back in May? I can place it now. It was a mix of betrayal and fear. She knew then what she had already set into motion, what she planned to do, and she knew I wasn’t going to be there to watch her back and keep her head on straight.

I can’t stop thinking about it. I wonder where he shot her, if she suffered… will it have to be a closed casket? What has happened to her kids? Morbid thoughts.

I’m not going to beat myself up over it too badly. I know that people are dying every minute of every day, and I know that it is very unlikely that I could have helped had I been there. I know that dying is part of living. I know that I had to do what was right for me, and staying there was NOT right for me. I had to leave.

I know all these things, but knowing them still doesn’t change the fact that I was in Tennessee with hardly a care in the world while my friend was dying in a pool of her own blood. She will never smile again. She will never laugh again. Ford is dead.

Rest in peace, my friend. You will be missed. You will not be forgotten.


bulging_boy 49M

10/28/2005 6:36 am

When words fail... thoughts take over.

You have mine mate!


SibylBatchAxile 43M
384 posts
10/28/2005 7:27 am

Wow...sorry to hear that, 5...

I am sure that you must feel bad...but you are right, chances are you couldn't have stopped it, even if you were there - of course, there are so many ifs...but if you were there, you could be dead too because of that bastard. You did what you felt was right for yourself - no one could blame you for that.

At least she is in peace now...

Remember her for how she touched you, not for what happened...


rm_1hotwahine 63F
21091 posts
10/28/2005 8:24 am

Oh man, I was afraid that this is where it was headed. You sound like you have as good as a frame of mind re: this as you can, so I'll skip the philosophy for now. You're a good guy, five.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


deliciousngood 64F
1666 posts
10/28/2005 9:30 am

There is only one thing you can do and that is pray that this never happens to another woman in this world. But, alas, I fear that is not to be. There was nothing you could do to stop the inevitable course of this.

All I can say is STOP THE ABUSE OF WOMEN everywhere...HOW??

Speak up, volunteer,show an example to the youth.

I don't know. This is so sad. And frankly, more common that you can ever imagine.


kyplowboy22 61M

10/28/2005 9:33 am

Bad things happen to good people, all over the globe, all the time. Even if you had of been standing right there beside her, it wouldn't have made a bit of difference. You wouldn't have had your pistol with you, or he would have waited til you were gone. If someone has the bound tos' and can't help its', there is no way to stop them. You know that as well as I do. Still I hate to hear about it or any other such nonsense.

Had a close friend of mine I went to school with, grew up with, that got MS several years back. His was the fast acting kind and in no time he was almost always wheelchair bound. The last time I saw him, we had dinner together at O'Charlie's about 5 years ago. He told me then that when it got so bad that he couldn't take care of himself, he would end it. I just asked him that before he did to just call me first, let me help him and we would get through it together. He never would commit and I didn't push it. We talked several times through the next few years (I had moved away and was not real handy for visits) and he seemed to be doing all right. I got a call from my mother, three years ago, asking me if I had heard. Heard what I asked. And he had killed himself, just like he said he would, just like I knew he would. I was pissed at him for not calling me, I was pissed at me for not checking on him better, I was just pissed. His ex called me and wanted me to give the eulogy and I told her she needed to get somebody that was gonna be there. I stayed mad at him til this past April 22, his birthday, he would have been 50. And I just decided to let it go, I couldn't carry the anger and guilt for what he did any longer. I had talked to him about 2 weeks before he shot himself and everything seemed skippy, and it just came to me like a light: he did call me before he did it but it wasn't a plea for help, it turns out that it was goodbye. So, I'll remember my friend today as you remember your friend today, beau. We will remember our friends together. Later.

kpb


dasher121 36M

10/28/2005 10:21 am

Losing a friend can be very difficult, and it just plainly sucks. Especially when you think "what if". But that is life, there are no restarts or what ifs. Very sorry to hear that happened. Life is a very crazy thing.


dano6332 56M

10/28/2005 10:47 am

5 as much as we want to or try to we cannot save everyone sometimes we are just lucky enough to help one other or even ourselves. I can say it was not your job, not your duty or obligation but as her friend you feel it was.

I am sorry


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/28/2005 11:08 am

I shared your loss with you privately, but felt the need to say something after reading this post. You're correct in your assumption that the outcome wouldn't have been any different had you stayed. Try to reflect on the time you had together, the laughter you shared, not the "what if's." Ford would have been very touched by your poignant tribute.


jim5131 55M
1296 posts
10/28/2005 11:31 am

Hey 5speed....

There are people in your life, men and women, that you know touched your own life in a certain way....not to the point where you think of them everyday, but maybe several times a week and wonder how they're doing, what they're doing, if they're happy...sometimes it's a woman with that 'what if' connotation attached.

It's a crushing blow to hear these things, especially when your 'what if' becomes 'what if I changed her life back then...she wouldn't be dead today...'

I'm sorry for you, man. I know how you feel. I bought a secretary a .38 at her request because she worked as a bartender at night and she was worried about her safety. She used that gun to kill herself after a bad breakup. 'What if...'

I recall a story about an old man watching a young boy on the beach, throwing beached starfish back into the water in an effort to save them from drying out. There were hundreds, thousands of starfish. He tells the boy "You can't save all of them, you know."

The boy picks up a starfish and tosses it into the water. "Yeah, but I saved that one."

We can't save them all. We will lose more. It's a crushing blow. It's life.


five_speed 41M

10/28/2005 12:19 pm

I noticed something that really freaked me out. This is my 187th post. I didn't plan it this way at all. It just happened.

187 is the police radio code for homocide.

I got a chill when I realized that, and I can't shake it out of my spine.


madkitten 53F
291 posts
10/28/2005 2:43 pm

What ifs are with us everywhere we go. If you had been there the chances are nothing would of changed.


Sweetest_Sin_Jes 36F

10/28/2005 3:31 pm

Five,

I read this post early this morning and it saddened me so much that I have thought about it all day - literally. I can't get it out of my head. It's just such a sad thing that anyone has to live their life in fear like that. It's so hard to come up with words in a situation like this, but this is what is on my heart to say, so here goes.

Your friend was like a beautiful, tiny butterfly trapped in a cocoon of darkness, but could feel the sun shining on her whenever you and others important and good in her life were around. I know she felt the warmth of your love and friendship even though she couldn't escape and it made her happy, even if for a little while. Through this immense tragedy she is now able to spread those lovely wings and fly. She is free.

I know these words won't do much to take away your pain - nothing will except time itself. But I wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you and I'm thinking about her and I'm praying that God will bring you peace.

Be well Five - know that you have friends who love and care about you and will be there for you however long you need them.

(((((((hugs)))))))

Jess


slidein2meplz 61F
1994 posts
10/28/2005 3:59 pm

I'm unable to put into words what is going through me right now...except to say how very sorry I am for your loss and while I or anyone else cannot change events such as this, always know that you have support and I'm very glad you are with DT...and I'm sure that spoken or unspoken...she shares with you this pain and will help you through it as best as she can ... as much as you will allow... Please allow her to listen and comfort you. Peace be with you 5.

~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~


Justforfungirl5 49F
68 posts
10/28/2005 5:31 pm

5, so sorry to hear about your friend. Sad to hear she had to die for her decision to break free, but as a woman I can tell you it took an immense amount of courage for her to break free and I hope she experienced the pride of that knowledge and the joy of it before she was taken ... and I bet she did. You don't know me, but I'm sending a hug just the same (through DT by proxy?).


hotnympho81 35F

10/28/2005 6:34 pm

My heart goes out to her children left behind by this. I know all to well what can go on in a home filled with abuse. I know right now it is hard to believe but she truly is in a better place now.


Sizzle364
(Juan S)
52M
2642 posts
10/28/2005 7:13 pm

Five... I have too many thoughts in regards to this... i can only say to cherish the good memories of your friend.


digdug41 49M

10/28/2005 8:43 pm

I have been yhrough a similar experience so I know how that feels hold your head up and keep it moving thats all one can do

roaming the cyber streets of blogland


digdug41 49M

10/28/2005 8:44 pm

I have been through a similar experience so I know how that feels hold your head up and keep it moving thats all one can do

roaming the cyber streets of blogland


carebearluv2 42F

10/28/2005 8:46 pm

5, I am very sorry to hear about your loss. A tragic loss of a beautiful soul much too soon. You are living proof there are good people out there and the friendship you gave her probably meant more to her than you will ever know. I used to be abused but I got out because of the support I received from family. I hate knowing Ford had to pay such a price to have that freedom. At least, Ford is at peace now and you have the memories of her laughter to comfort you. I wish everyone involved heartfelt peace and comfort. Ford knew she had a true friend in you which probably got her through some of the darker days before she was taken. May God bless her children and bring you all comfort! RIP Ford!!


weineroftheworld 66M

10/28/2005 9:11 pm

I think I read of this in the local Huntington WV newspaper and saw newscasts on TV in the past few days. Words cannot convey proper sentiment on the loss of a friend. Although the bullets snuffed out that precious life, they can never erase your memories. Her spirit will always live in your heart.


barbiebunny 36F
5597 posts
10/28/2005 9:12 pm

5..a true friend writes this what u have shared.
You helped a soul breathe easier for moments at a time
That sir, made the difference... the outcome is horrible..but you inspired her, loved her in your way and made her free for moments of glory. That sir is nothing to feel sorry over. Rejoice as there needs to be more people like you in the world (and im only gonna say this in this post only)

Its good to be...ME


impish_pixie 54F
6867 posts
10/28/2005 9:44 pm

I'm so sorry.

I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn


tillerbabe 55F

10/28/2005 10:13 pm

5'er..that SUCS! I mean it just sucs! I completely understand your feelings....wondering and imagining the "morbid" thoughts..Why do we do this? Becuase those of us that have seen death fill in the gaps with what we know....and "knowing" the outcome is a part of closure for us....this is natural. Don't beat yourself up too much. Know this: You were special to her. You were a friend. You brought light and laughter into her life. You taught her. You were "awesome". These are gifts from both of you to each other. treasure those memories and know that you probably, (very likely) made her hell more bearable. She's in a place of "peace" now and another angel watching over you. {=}
Be well.


tillerbabe 55F

10/29/2005 12:20 am

How could he know? [post 129056]


Ana_6973 43F

10/29/2005 12:23 am

It hurts now but you cannot beat yourself up with 'what ifs'. Cherish your memories. I always find myself doing things for others that I regret not doing for those no longer in my life now. It is experiences like this that influence our future behaviors. I would say in my knowledge of you that your regret will be channeled into good for someone else down the road.
*Hugs*
Later!
{=}

~~"I can scream as loud as your last one, but I can't claim innocence."~~


havenbliss 43F

10/29/2005 7:30 am

Sorry for your loss..it is hard to lose people but such violence is even more of a cruel blow. Your in my thoughts, as is Ford (whereever she is) and her two children.

Blesses


onelittlesecret 33M
1579 posts
10/29/2005 12:01 pm

The world can seem so dark sometimes. My heart goes out to you, but it sounds like DT's taking good care of you. I hope the kids land somewhere warm and nurturing.

Take care.


dranba 39F

10/29/2005 1:50 pm

I am so sorry for your loss. Please remember Ford well, as your memories are so special. Hugs.


PrincessKarma 43F
6188 posts
10/29/2005 8:44 pm

    Quoting five_speed:
    I noticed something that really freaked me out. This is my 187th post. I didn't plan it this way at all. It just happened.

    187 is the police radio code for homocide.

    I got a chill when I realized that, and I can't shake it out of my spine.
Have you ever heard of the Taoist/Jungian principle of synchronicity? Related events happen at the same time.

You did what you had to do when you had to do it. So did she. We can never precisely predict any outcomes, but I wish she had spoken plainly....

Hugs to you, dear 5-speed, and a prayer for Ford and all the other women who have died at their partners hands.

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma


five_speed 41M

10/29/2005 8:53 pm

Bulging, thanks, mate.

Darius, you are right. It is important to remember our friendship, not her death, although I hope I have not gotten so soft that a 60 year old fat cat could get the drop on me.

Wahine, thanks for the kind words. I am not so certain that I am such a good guy, but lots of good people seem to think I am, so maybe?

Jez, Thanks, sweetheart. I really appreciated you cheering me up the other day. It was a big help.

Deliciousngood, welcome to my blog. I am sorry you are visiting under such depressing circumstances, but I am glad you are here. I agree it is a shame how often this type of violence occurs.

Plow, you are right. He’d probably have got to her eventually, or I would have wound up in jail for shooting him before he could shoot her. I’d go to jail though, if that meant a good friend was still living. But I suppose you and I will remember our friends together. There’s not much else for the living to do in these situations.

Thanks for the prayers, Sil. I am sure they will need them, and I cannot do even that much for them.

Dasher, thanks for stopping by, man. Life is a very crazy thing indeed. There are no replays, just game-overs.

Dano, I agree, it was not my place. If I truly thought it was, I would have remained there. If she had told me why she wanted me to stay, I would have. Thanks for the support.

DT, I know she would have been. She was one of the few students who ever took time to read any of my writing. She liked it, even the dark stuff. I hope what I wrote here did her justice.

Jim, that’s terrible, what you said about the .38. I can tell you know what I feel. I keep thinking, what if I had made time to teach her to shoot like she wanted? What if I had stayed, could I have been there? Could I have talked her into being more careful? Could I have taken his crazy ass out before it got too late? Could I have done something, said something, to save her? There is no way to ever know.

Madkitten, you’re right. Playing “What If” is just a good way to drive yourself crazy, or in my case, crazier.

Jess, thank you for the wonderful words. They do more than you expected. She is free now, and time will help me. Thank you for the prayers and the hugs.

Slide, thank you for your kindness. DT has been a great help to me just by standing by me and understanding me. She would do more if she could, but she understands this is something I have to work through inside my own head. She’s my anchor, preventing me from getting lost inside myself.

Justforfun, welcome to my humble webspace. Sorry for the depressing mood. I do hope you’ll come back when things are lighter. Thank you very much for the hug.

Hotnymph, I am still trying to discover what happened to her kids…. Than man, that MONSTER, orphaned his own children. What a piece of work.

Sizzle, I will cherish them. They are all that I have left. I don’t even have any pictures of her, just the memory.

Digdug, you’re right, my friend. There is nothing to gain from sitting in the dark with my head in my hands.

Carebear, It is tragic, but as you said, she is free now. Her fight is over. I hope I helped her while she was here. I think I did, but I also think I could have done more.

Weiner, it probably was in the Huntington paper. She will live on in my mind. She will always be beautiful and alive in my memory.

Bunny, I’m going to take a screen shot of your comment and save it, just as proof that you didn’t bust my balls for once! Thank you for the support and kind words, my friend.

Pixie, me too. Thank you for stopping by.

Tiller, I never thought about her being an angel watching over me now. That is such a wonderful thought. Thank you.

Ana, it will be channeled. This will make me try harder, work longer, care deeper, and live more.

Haven, welcome to my blog, and thank you for the gentle thoughts. I hope her children are OK… I have yet to learn of their situation.

OLS, DT is taking as much care of me as I will let her. She’d do more, but I am stubborn.

Dranba, thank you for the hugs, darlin.


five_speed 41M

10/30/2005 10:08 am

Karma, I wish she had been more clear as well. It's too late now.


five_speed 41M

10/30/2005 10:17 am

I found out today what happened. Her husband met her at the house where she was staying when she came home from work at 6:22PM. He shot at her and missed. She ran into the house. He shot out a window, entered the house, and shot at her a number of times as he chased her through the house. She locked herself into the bedroom and then into the adjoining bathroom. He kicked in both doors and shot her numerous times once she was cornered in the bathroom. Then he shot himself in the head. She was pronounced dead at the scene, but he lived long enough to die in the ambulance on the way to the hospital.

I sincerely hope the bastard hadd enough of his brains left to suffer horribly before he died. It was not a crime of passion. It was premeditated. He left a "last will" note in his truck.

Had I remained, the chances of me being on the scene at the time of the attack are slim. But if I had been there, he would be dead and she would be alive. Of that, I have no doubt. If I had been there, he would not have made it upstairs. If I had remained, she would have had a gun or at least a taser. I don't know if she could have used it, but she would have at least had a chance instead of being slaughtered helplessly in the bathroom floor.

At least now I know for sure how she died.


Fuzzyface51 65M
22 posts
11/1/2005 10:51 pm

5_speed, I know you not, but through what you write. I feel your pain and see your love for Ford in your words. Keep her memories precious. Hugs for you brother, 10-4.


five_speed 41M

11/2/2005 1:21 am

fuzzy, welcome to my blog. Thank you for your kind words and your support. It does help.


redlipsprincess
(Princess Lips)
51F

11/3/2005 11:59 pm

Bless her children...

TTFN


five_speed 41M

11/4/2005 12:01 pm

red lips, I still do not know what happened to her kids...


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