Beauty makes my brain hurt  

five_speed 41M
3250 posts
8/5/2005 4:50 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Beauty makes my brain hurt

I was reading a question posed in straightten2002's blog,[blog straightten2002], yesterday, and it got me to thinking. It got me thinking so hard that it is still on my mind almost 24 hours later, which is impressive, because my attention span is usually very … … what was I saying? Oh yeah. I remember again.

All joking aside, tonight I seriously contemplate the notion of beauty and how we, as a cultural whole, perceive beauty. I realize it is a very broad topic, so let me define a few parameters.

In this specific case, I am discussing physical beauty ‒ the face, the body shape, the clothes, the hair ‒ things we can see about a person with a glance.

Also, when I discuss “culture” or “population” I refer to popular or “mainstream” culture in the United States.

With these parameters in mind, I have a few questions that I am trying to answer, and I could really use your help.

How does a culture decide what is beautiful? In America, it is almost impossible to avoid the visual bombardment of the beautiful people. Movies, TV, magazines, internet, billboards…. every where we look, we see images of beautiful people. How did we decide which traits are beautiful? It is not as clear cut as I expected. Take a look at these “top 10/25/50/100 most beautiful/sexy men/women” countdowns that are so popular in magazines and on TV. I have a hard time seeing any pattern. There are white people, black people, Hispanic people, Asian people, old people and young people. There are hairy guys and bald guys, skinny guys and athletic guys and heavy-set guys. There are women with big breasts and almost no breasts, women with long legs and short legs, long hair, short hair, all different colors of hair….

I think the lesson here is that it is foolish to pay much attention to popular opinion. A person can be intelligent, but a crowd is usually dumber than stampeding cows.

But this then leads to my next question. If we do not rely on popular conceptions of beauty, we are left with only our own personal preferences, and how did we acquire them? I know men who will only date women with a certain hair color or length. Others only want petite women or large women, or women with large breasts or with long legs. I know women who are just as picky. I also know guys and gals who will sleep with anything on two legs with a pulse, and a pulse is optional (For some folks, the two legs are optional too… eeewww!) As for me, I find many different things attractive ‒ body art, body piercing, long legs, short legs, large breasts, small breasts, red hair, blond hair, brunette… I decide if I am attracted to a woman on a case-by-case basis, but even I have preferences, where all other things being equal, I like certain traits more than others. Where did I learn these preferences? I am not sure I know.

Last of all, I pose the same question I asked in straightten2002's blog. How does a person know how attractive they are? I have almost no clue if I am attractive or not, and I had never really thought about it much until I read straightten2002's blog (BTW, thanks tons, luv… my brain is bleeding out of my ears now!) What I mean is, I can compare myself to other men who are considered attractive, but I can’t really judge for myself if another man is handsome or not ‒ just too straight, I guess ‒ but it leaves me unable to accurately compare myself to others and decide where I fit. I can’t watch guys walking down the street and say “I’m better looking than that guy, but damn, not THAT guy… hell, he’s so good looking I’d do him.”

So how does a person decide, if they care to know? Should a person fling themselves to the mercy of the stupid masses by posting photos on sites like HotOrNot? (I thought about doing that and decided I was better off not knowing.) Should we base the answer on past experience: successes and failures? Or should we refrain from putting ourselves in boxes? Should we know our place in the scheme of things, and just accept it, or should we resist classification and risk the potential failure and rejection associated with “dating up” too far over our heads?

007sexy40plus 51F  
7603 posts
8/5/2005 5:50 pm

Society teaches us early on what beauty is suppose to be. But why should I allow a society to dictate to me what I am or am not. I may not have blue eyes and blonde hair but I am beautiful with my brown eyes and dark brown/offblack hair. I dont have the body of a "super model" but I have the body of a "super mom" I can turn head when I walk into wal-mart and not need a runway. I dont consider myself as a 10 but I am an 8 1/2. I learned a long time ago that in life there will be disappointments. I have been disappointed and I have disappointed a few. But with the insults to me and my looks only made me stronger. I have confidence in myself. And when a man tells me I am not what he seeks, I am too big, or I am not attractive, I know there is a man out there who thinks I am those things to him.

There are some bloggers and non-bloggers whom I have never seen their faces, but have seen other parts. Now with those other parts I would say, "hmmm I can do him" but when I see the face, I am surprise by the non match. I have seen some bodies on men that made me go "damn, why can he be mine?" Then see their face and think Oh no this face does not belong to this body. Then the opposite is true, the bad body with the nice face. As I have stated before in another blog of mine, some men are a total package but those are the men would not want me.

I stick with the "no body is perfect" idea. none of us have it all. There will always be something about US that someone will not like, be it your body, face, your clothes, your attitude and even your personality. I can win the heart of a man with my sweetness and intelligence, better than anything. But here lately, my butt has captured a lot of their attention.

I am sorry for the long post. I hope this made sence to you. IF NOT CALL IT A RANT. lol THANKS FOR MENTIONING MY BLOG and I am glad I was able to provoke your thoughts.

I am the real deal! "Come Get Me!!!"

five_speed 41M

8/6/2005 8:44 am

staightten, no worries about the long post; this is the kind of comment I hoped to receive! Now if a few others would just jump in here with thier 2 cents, or a roll of quarters...

I agree with you, by the way.

I think my personality and sense of humor have always been more attractive than my physical body, and perhaps it is a weak consolation, but I've always figured if a woman passed judgement on me solely on what she saw in a first glance, then she's probably not the kind of person I want to be around anyway.

five_speed 41M

8/9/2005 6:00 am

it all makes sense to me, nbtnt, and I think it starts to explain why I always have a harder time online than I do in person. I've been told by many people, both men and women, that I have a very intense, powerful presence. And I'm actually pretty funny in person, but little if any of that comes through online. It starts to make more sense to me now. Thanks for pointing my brain in the right direction!

DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/19/2005 8:45 pm

You had me so drawn in before we actually met, I didn't give a damn if you did look like Yoda. And don't. No one online could even begin to imagine how damn funny you are in person. Thanks for keeping me in comedic tears. Kisses...

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