A Black Woman at a White Christmas? Not Likely  

five_speed 41M
3250 posts
8/11/2005 9:17 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

A Black Woman at a White Christmas? Not Likely

Recently, DCEbony and straightten2002 have made me think about the mystery many white men associate with dating and having sex with black women. In case you don't read their blogs (you should,) a common theme seems to be many white men's idea that screwing a black woman should be a secret, like some sort of taboo.

I don't get it. I've never slept with a black woman, but I still don't understand the mystery. A woman is a woman. As I said in DCEbony's blog - all the requisite anatomy is the same, right? Or to say it in a much cruder fashion: "it's all pink on the inside."

(BTW, That's not my quote. A Georgia man I knew in the Army used to say that all the time.)

I understand the taboo aspect a little better.

There are racists in my family. More of them are than not, actually. If I brought a black woman home for Christmas, I'd get disowned, or worse, but I don't care. I don't like most of my kin anyway.

If I meet a woman that attracts me with her mind and her heart and her body, I don't give a damn what color she is. She could be green for all I care. But I wouldn't take her home - not because I was ashamed or worried about appearances, but because I know how ass backwards some of my people are, and I wouldn't want her to get hit with any of the shit that I know would hit the fan.

I wouldn’t hide the fact. I’d tell my family, but I'd do it alone, because I wouldn't want her to see how ugly, nasty and mean I'd have to get to hold my own against my family.

I've already been through this once before, with a Polish woman I dated. She was a great person, but very sensitive to "Pollack Jokes."

I told my entire family "You can pick on me to my face and make fun of us and gossip behind our backs all you want. I know you're going to do it anyway, so there's no point in me getting upset over it. But the very first time I hear any of you tease her or say a joke just loud enough to hear, so help me God, there will be hell to pay. For just one evening I want you to act decent. Make it a Christmas present to me. Please."

On Christmas Eve one of my uncles just couldn't resist. I left her side for one minute to help Papa with the turkey and oysters, and the next thing I knew, she was holding on to me for dear life and everyone was laughing at us. I took her to the car because I knew she didn't want to give them the satisfaction of crying in front of them, and the tears were on their way. I also didn't want her to see what was going to happen next.

She wouldn't let go of me long enough for me to put on my boots, so I picked her up and carried her barefooted though the snow to the car. I remained with her until she'd cried and settled down.

Then I came back to the house, put my boots on, drug my uncle out on the back porch and stomped a new hole in his ass. When I walked back into the house everyone was just looking at me like I was Satan himself.

I said "Here’s a joke for you: How many stupid inbred country-bumpkin hillbillies does it take to ruin Christmas? Just one. I reckon y'all thought I was kidding the other day, when I told you there'd be hell to pay. I wasn't."

Then I left. That was three years ago, and I think I might finally get invited back this Christmas... maybe. I'm not losing any sleep over it.

So yeah, I'd date a black woman without a second thought, if she’d have my pale white ass, but I wouldn't take her home for the holidays, because some one (probably me) could get killed over it. My immediate family -my mom and dad and brothers - would come around, I am sure, once they realized I was serious about her, but I'd be a pariah with the rest of my family.

If I was interested in a black woman, or a yellow woman, or a purple woman, I’d have to tell her up front about my family. I don’t think it would be right to say nothing about it, but I would also hope she would understand that I was not ashamed of her or trying to hide her. I just don’t want to put her through hell that can be avoided.

I’d really like to hear some thoughts on this, especially from the women. Does my take on this make sense, or does it sound lame?

five_speed 41M

8/12/2005 9:49 am


I can help but be protective of the woman I'm with. I don't know if it's upbringing or genetic. Either way, I've been fairly successful with stiking a balance in the past, and that's really important, because there is a fine line between "protective" and "posessive/overbearing." I think many men lose sight of that fact and then wonder why the woman takes off.

five_speed 41M

8/12/2005 9:52 am


My immediate family is fairly open. As you said, they care more for my happiness, and if a woman makes me happy, they'll accept her as long as she's good for me, if for no other reason than they know they won't see me if they aren't cool with my companion.

But my extended family - well, a few of them are still living in the 1805 instead of 2005

cocodiva247 41F

8/16/2005 8:18 pm

I must say thank you first for bringing this issue to the site. It needed to be put on the table. As a black woman and an AdultFriendFinder member, I often “come across a common theme … [with] many white men's ….. screwing a black woman should be a secret... or taboo”. It is unfortunate, but let me take it s step further. Black women are viewed as the “secret/and or SCIENCE EXPERIMENT”. Frequently the science experiment mentality is clearly identified, “I have never been with a black woman before”, “ I always wanted to do it with a black woman” or “you’ll be my first”. So I ask these inquirers the question, “experiment or taboo” before I decline the offer. I know the answer before the it is given. I am aware that this is a swinger’s web site; however, no one wants to be approach/handled in such as manner. Science experiments occur in a lab, not in the bedroom.

five_speed 41M

8/17/2005 3:31 am

cocodiva, I can't really take credit for bringing it up. In all honesty it was not something I had ever thought about until I started reading DCEbony and straightten2002. I just thought I should offer up my roll of quarters on the issue since I agree with you all on the subject but have a slightly different point of view. Thank you very much for commenting!

redmartinigirl 43F

8/22/2005 11:05 pm

five speed, thank you for sharing with us your point of view on this subject. It is one that I wish more men shared. I was dating a man for several months and things were turning extremely serious. Then the issue of my religion became the topic of too many conversations. I am Jewish - not terribly strict on it, but am definatly spiritual about it - and it isn't something I hide from those close to me. Anyway, this fella was feeling me out about my thoughts and feelings on the subject over and over again so I finally asked him why was he making it a big deal. He told me it was because "it is my duty to make you see that you're going to hell if you continue to believe the way that you do." To his utter dismay, I dumped his ass right then and there.

But my point is this: people have all kinds of prejudices and things that are taboo that they try to get out of their system. Like color or weight or religion or tats or piercings. We all need to be more accepting of others and open our minds and hearts to the beauty that others have to share. It's just nice to hear of an independent male thinker out there! Bravo!!

five_speed 41M

8/23/2005 3:39 pm

Redmartinigirl, I feel your pain on this one. I have nothing against devout Christains. I respect their faith and devotion, but I won't even try to date one, not because I am prejudiced, but because Christianity is evangelial in nature, and I know they won't just sit idly by while I am on the road to hell.

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