From Five's Blog Archives: Funny 01  

five_rides_again 41M
66 posts
11/11/2005 10:46 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

From Five's Blog Archives: Funny 01

Here it is, folks, the very first attempt at humor I ever posted:

The Secret to Maintaining a Happy Marriage:

My mother and father celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary last month. At one point when he and I were alone together, I asked him the secret, how did he and mom keep it together for 35 years? He looked around to make sure no one was near.

Then he looked me square in the eyes and said "sicko-macho bondage sex!"

Instantly grossed out at the sudden thought of my 60 year old mother in a dominatrix outfit and dad on his hands and knees with a ball gag in his mouth and horse tail in his ass, I said "Aw Jesus, dad. I was being serious."

He said "me too. Check this out." Then he lifted the back of his mullet off of the nape of his neck. Dreading the absolute worst, I leaned over and looked. There I beheld a metal ring with a pull string attached to it.

"Pull it" dad said. I did. As the string wound back into his neck, in the most apologetic voice I had ever heard him use, he said "I'm sorry, dear."

Back in his normal voice, he said "pull it again." I did. In the same sappy voice he said "It's my fault."

I sat back and looked at him in awe. As understanding settled in my mind, I remembered what he has said at first. I said "wait a minute. What does that have to do with bondage sex?"

He said "the crazy bitch waited until she had me tied down good, and then she got an exacto knife and a pair of needle nose pliers and installed that. Ever since then, if she says she feels like tying me up, I know she's just tired of hearing the same old excuses, and it's time to change out the recording."


DefiniteTrouble 50F

11/11/2005 11:54 am

I have needle nose pliers. Where do I find an exacto knife?


bulging_boy 49M

11/11/2005 12:52 pm

LMAO DT,

I asked my Dad that question after reading this.

He looked me square in the eye and said...

We aint married you little bastard!


kyplowboy22 61M

11/11/2005 1:45 pm

So, what does yours say when DT gives it a yank?...."I'm sorry pookie bear, I know I fucked up, I promise I won't do it again." or" I'm going to my room now and think about what I've done." LMAO. later

kpb


five_rides_again 41M

11/11/2005 2:39 pm

DT, I'm not about to tell you where to find that knife! neener! Neener!

Bulging, kinda late in life to be finding that out, eh?

Plow, naw, man... when she pulls my draw string, I can't say anything cuz my tongue sticks out of my mouth and wags up and down so fast I can't even speak simple words. I am not sure what good that does anyone....


impish_pixie 54F
6867 posts
11/11/2005 2:53 pm

hmmmm...could I please have your mum's phone number? Or maybe she could just sit in on your blog one day and share the installation methods. I imagine that works much better than a baseball bat...or golf clubs??? (wink)

I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn


spinmedown 49M
3626 posts
11/11/2005 3:37 pm

Yep. It's a keeper. LMAO

Most people are other people... FUCKING CHARACTER LIMIT!!! ~Oscar Wilde


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