Laying Down The Law  

firestarter665 42M/39F
3158 posts
6/10/2006 5:07 am

Last Read:
6/14/2006 4:47 am

Laying Down The Law

When Mr. Fire and I first joined this site we did not have any rules or boundaries. We had fantasies. Fantasies about me being with other men, fantasies about me being with another woman, Fantasies of Mr. Fire being with another woman. But that's all they were...Fantasies.

There was one time when we had a couple of friends over. Mr. Fire ended up fooling around with the woman while I ended up fooling around with the man. It was erotic while it was happening, but it led to a detailed conversation after they left.

This is when we set our rules and boundaries. How far things would go if we were ever in that situatiion again. Now, I would love to see Mr. Fire with another woman. He does not want to have sex with another woman. He also does not think that he could handle seeing me have sex with another man. So there we had rule #1, Sex with your partner only.

Then we discussed going down on others. We came up with as long as we were doing it at the same time (for being with a couple) that it would be ok.

For a single woman, he and I would both take turns. But he would like to see more of me and the other woman more than him being with her.

Also, having sex in the same room with another couple is ok with us.

Some of our fantasies will remain just that...fantasies. It was a much needed conversation and now we can go into things knowing that no one will get thier feelings hurt.

Do you have any sexual boundaries?

rm_HornyMoonMan 45M
2 posts
6/10/2006 6:30 am

My wife and I have only joined this site in about the last month. We have been together over 10 years and married for 8. Our decision to join was made after we set some pretty broad ground rules.
We each have a seperate profile as we dont currently intend to play together as a couple. About the only rule my wife had was that she couldn't be a spectator, or a spectator sport!
So the current rules (odd as they may seem) are that we can do whatever we want with anyone we want, as long as its without our partner watching.
Of course any interesting technique picked up along the way, is to be shared when we get home!

firestarter665 replies on 6/10/2006 4:36 pm:
It's good to work everything out in the beginning so no one gets hurt. I'm glad you have this boundary that works for the both of you.

Dowd3 42M

6/10/2006 6:33 am

Sounds sensible if nothing else. Jumping in with both feet in those most intimate of acts strikes me as foolhardy. Allowing yourselves time to feel out the new borders and get comfortable with them strikes me as a way to grow together instead of apart. And besides it's not like you have to cut straight to a 12-on-12 orgy to fill a frenzied afternoon.

For myself my boundaries are more along the lines of unexplored territories. Everything I've done so far, I've enjoyed (with the possible exception of the crossed X position and the Frog position one is downright painful for me and the other is painful for her.) But that doesn't mean I've done a great deal. Point of fact I've done just about everything you might expect a devoted man might do to his partner (albeit not the current one)but the boundaries are still very vague. I'll admit if she wanted to be with another man I'd allow it. If she wanted to have me join in I'm not sure I could do it, but that's new ground.

If she wanted to be with another woman, I'd see no reason to stop her. If she wanted to invite another woman into our bed I think Sam Kinnison said it best when he said, "Well, baby, if that's what you want. If that'll make you happy. If watching me fuck one of your friends will get you off, well then, darlin', I love you. That's just part of that marriage vow: Through sickness and in health, and this is pretty sick. So, darlin', I love you." But once again this is all unexplored territory. I've never done anything like what you two have indulged in, and I can't say how I would feel about it in your place.

Take care

firestarter665 replies on 6/10/2006 4:39 pm:
I think that boundaries and rules are important to talk about with your partner. Just so that when a situation arises that there are no surprises.

nifty_fifties 63M/59F

6/10/2006 6:51 am

Good for you for having the conversation! I think many couples get into swinging with different expectations based on their individual fantasies, expecting their partner to do this or that. When that doesn't happen, problems arise. Or if a problem arises, accusations fly.

Mr. Nifty and I talk a lot about what we do and what we want to do. We are really partners in this. We don't have a jealous bone between us, so we don't have that history that some may have. I admit that he likes to talk about it more than I do. But I don't avoid it when he brings it up.

We don't have as detailed rules as you have listed, but from our experience we have learned that we prefer an evening with another couple, versus a house party environment. We are just now opening to the idea of a single guy with us. As for couples, we prefer a married couple, not just girlfriend/boyfriend. And as for singles, no cheaters. When we have gone to dances, I always let him know when I'm going to dance with someone and let him know when I'm back.

Good luck, have fun, be safe!

firestarter665 replies on 6/10/2006 4:41 pm:
That's one i forgot to mention. The fact that if you are a couple you have to be married. It makes for a less tense situation.

You have fun and be safe too!

mewisemagic3 50M

6/10/2006 7:54 am

I guess you really don't know until you get there.....

firestarter665 replies on 6/10/2006 4:43 pm:
That's what happened our first time, thus the reason for all these rules.

No surprises anymore.

rm_cru1972 44M
4407 posts
6/10/2006 9:08 am

Those are some good idea's Fire, my last partner and i had no rules when we started and it caused LOTS of problems. So we ended up putting an end to the life

firestarter665 replies on 6/10/2006 4:44 pm:
Unfortunately, these rules came after Mr. Fire's feelings got hurt due to lack of communication on this subject. Communication plays such an important role when you are a couple looking for others to play.

SpaceRangerNJ 55M
4687 posts
6/10/2006 10:39 pm

No rules, just right. Oh wait that's outback steakhouse.

Sorry, just had to be me ya know.

Keep the communication going. Go slowly. Got to take things one step at a time. Keep checking in with each other.

I want there to be some sort of chemistry and connection with a partner.

Want a one on one to start. After that I'm not sure where I might go. Being with two women would be easier than with a man and a woman I think.

It's obviously different being married and not having my wife as part of this. I'm not sure what I would want if I had a partner open to swinging. Would take it slow. There are a lot of emotions involved. Takes time to get a handle on them. Build the trust. Understand that another man with my wife is not competition. We would complement each other and be able to bring pleasure to her in a way that one man could not. Each with our own talents to bring to the table (bed)
And she would have to get to the same place emotionally if there was another woman. Trust that I wouldn't go running off with that other woman.

firestarter665 replies on 6/12/2006 4:23 am:
The chemisrty with others absolutely has to be there. Taking it slow is a big part of this as well. You can't just go jumping into something before communicating about it. I believe that goes for the single people as much as the couples.

lovemetouchme5 51F
2102 posts
6/11/2006 6:44 am

When I first approached my husband with my sexual fantasies, he was a little taken back. He had no idea I had been feeling that way. He was open to it, but we didn't set any rules. Mistake number one. After a while we decided to have an open marriage, again we didn't set any rules. Mistake number two. Now we are getting ready to enter the divorce stage of our marriage. I think if we would have set rules from the very beginning, we probably wouldn't be at this point.

If I ever get involved in another relationship, rules will be set from day one. If my partner doesn't like them, I will be moving on!

Kudos to you for being understanding and getting things out in the air before feelings are hurt.

firestarter665 replies on 6/12/2006 4:30 am:
I am sorry to hear that your marriage is ending.

There have been times with us that our lack of communication led to some aweful arguments with my husband feeling like I did not want to be with him anymore. That's why we sat down one day to come up with the rules and boundaries. So we both feel in this together.

Good luck to you.

sir_licksallot 70M

6/11/2006 4:49 pm

I was living with this woman, things were devleoping and we decided to marry. While visiting our two gay friends we ended up in their jaquosi as we had many times before with never any hints of sexuality. But this time several things happened that turned thoughts to sexuality and then we floated bodies (we always had been naked)- very sensual to have the three others support you in the water and drip drops on your body...then we are floating the younger guy. My lady picks up his soft cock and starts licking it ... there's a parting, my lady wades over and says she wants to do this but she doesn't want me to do anything with them....Looking back I feel like an idiot but I just stared like uhhhhhh...? SO she wades back to them and and continues to give him head very slow and sensuous - she's into it. I was bewildered. Then the other guy moved in and stared playing with her butt under the water. He did something that got a rouse cuz she jumped straight out of the water not in pain or anger but in joy. To cut the story - I called off the wedding trying to sort this out in my mind. Looking back, the pain came from the feeling of being deserted, ignored. To be honest, if there had been another woman there and I had joined with her maybe things would have turned out differently. I tried to understand but she would never discuss it without getting very uptight with me. We stayed together through about 12 more years of deteriating relationship that became hellish with her not wanting sex for years. Finally I walked away from a very ugly situation. Moral of this story is: If you are going to open up your relationship, be SURE you can talk it over honestly and compassionately BEFORE going into anything. Otherwise you risk loosing what may have been the most important thing of all - the complete love of another.

firestarter665 replies on 6/12/2006 4:34 am:
That must have been so hard for you to sit back and watch. It does not sound as if anything in this situation was your fault. She should have asked you if it was ok instead of telling you not jo join. That was just flat out aweful of her to say.

At least you have moved on and learned from this. I hope nothing but the best for you.

libgemOH 56M/52F

6/13/2006 7:35 pm

Good post and good question! Jim and I find our boundaries as we go. An awful lot of this stuff is trial and error and pushing the envelope a little to see what your comfort levels are. I'm actually writing a post about a recent experience we had that has changed some of the boundaries for us. But I'm sure glad you and Mr have the kind of relationship that you discuss these things with each other honestly and come to agreement on your preferences!! -B

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