finelyaged54 62M
8 posts
8/11/2006 7:50 am

Last Read:
8/14/2006 10:03 am


Can someone out there tell me the correct way to handle a situation with a wife who has no sex drive and you still have a very healthy one?
Please help

Would like tho let the kind people who responded that my wife and I had a very long talk this weekend and we both have agreed that a doctor visit is in order to see if there may be something wrong in the hormone dept. She said she still enjoys our sex life but that she thinks there is just soemthing wrong with her hormones. Thanks gys for the adivce.

Eros40 52F

8/11/2006 8:13 am

well, you have choices... 1) talk to her and try to find out why 2) counseling, 3) live with it and purchase stock in your favorite lube, 4) take on a girlfriend. I was in the same situation for 4 years.... I finally had to put it to hubby that decisions WILL be made....I was done being a "good girl" and playing by his rules, so we would either open the marriage up or end it...pick one and I didn't really care which one he picked. To top it off, it was a medical issue with hubby (enlarges prostate) that is very easily corrected, just his "pride" got in the way when it came time to chat with the dr.!!! Since then, it has been addressed, the marriage is open, and communication and sex are better than ever between us. Not sure that would work for everyone, but it did work for us...... hope that helps and lots of luck to you............E.

WivesRailsRubor 54M
105 posts
8/11/2006 8:16 am

There are no simple answers. Clear communication is what I have been given as advice from most of the people responding to my messages.I wish you luck. If you find out anything that can re-light her sex drive be sure to let us know , because if it works for you it might work for all of us in the same situation.

free2chose2 66F

8/11/2006 8:28 am

I agree an md visit is in order especially if there wasn't a problem in the past. Taking a g/f on is never a resolution unless your spouse is aware and agreeable.

Don't worry, be Happy

TnWitchyWoman 56F
6852 posts
8/11/2006 8:35 am

There are medical reasons, both physical and emotional, that may cause this and that needs to be looked into first.

The other thing guys seem to miss is not looking at themselves as being the reason. Think about pleasing her (in all kinds of situations NOT just sex) and you might be pleasantly surprised that you're being pleasured without having to ask for yourself.

Don't know you or your wife but I know it would sure as hell work for me.


woofff 41F

8/11/2006 8:36 am

Dear finelyaged54
Sounds like you're tryna work things out. I'm not sure what you've tried so far, but I'm guessing you've been avoiding a confrontation.

Ask her about it though....tell her that you're worried about her. If
she sees your worry and concern she might ask you for help. At any rate,the issue will be out in the open at the very least.

Good luck,you


SingleNLooking72 105F

8/11/2006 8:44 am

This seems to be a common problem on this site. The thing is, you have to ask yourself the bigger questions:

1. Do I love her?
2. Can I imagine my life without her?
3. If she died today, how would I feel about that?
4. If the shoe was on the other foot, what solutions would I be open to?

If this is the only thing wrong in your marriage, she should see a doctor and you should go with her. It is possible that her body is producing no testosterone (yes, we do produce some!) or that she is depressed or has some other issue that is easily treated. She needs your support to find out what it is that is causing it.

Also, there are other things to consider. Maybe she has other issues that she is struggling with (worry, insecurity, etc.) I'm sure I don't have to tell you that when there is a problem, woman, as a general rule, will use sex either to "fix" it or to show you that there is something that needs your attention. Whatever you do, don't just live with it! Have a heart to heart with her, even if that means seeing a counselor to do it. If she doens't want to talk about it, make an appointment yourself and have her meet you there. I have even heard of people telling their spouses that it was an appointment about themselves just to get them in the door, and if that si what it takes, DO IT!!!!

Good luck!

{=}Mz LJ

foghorn49 59M

8/11/2006 8:58 am

Communication is the key, but I understand that isn't always easy. Counseling as mentioned above is a good option. That only leaves breaking up or cheating. If the relationships is good everywhere else than I am sure that is not something you want to think about.

If she is menopausal or post-menopausal then it could be a hormone thing. But that can be fixed too. (See a doctor)

Communications is the only real way to fix it. (On you're own or counseling). A lot of women do not want to talk about it because they feel it's your fault and don't want to say it. (Just because they have no sex drive for you doesn't mean they don't love you). What ever has stopped the sex drive needs to be addressed. Whether it is Mental, physical, or just lost interested in you. It can be very frustrating for you, but remember, she may be just as frustrated and not understand why. If you truly love her be understanding no mater what she says.

Personally I like the idea of open marriage, but it's not for everyone

finelyaged54 62M

8/11/2006 9:04 am

I really appreciate everyones input; they all sound like sound advice. I have talked to her about the problem and she says it is just menopause. I know she stays depressed a lot. Maybe a doctor visit is in order

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