A mothers heartache...my son is gay  

finelady4_44 56F
421 posts
9/14/2005 4:59 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

A mothers heartache...my son is gay

My son, aged 15 announced he is gay. He has had no sexual experience but feels himself drawn to same sex. He is my son, and my love for him is unconditional.

I noticed the past few years, since leaving his father who was abusive emotionally and physically to him, that he was searching to find himself. noticed he chose girls to be his best friends, but did not make a big deal about it.

He is a fine young man, with a tenderheart like his mom, always thinking of others, very compassionate. I am proud of my son.

My heartache stems from his revealing that he confided in someone he trusted that he thought he was gay. Now, he is being tormented and teased unmercilessly at school as same "friend" has blabbed his secret.

He is called faggot as he sits in school trying to study and learn, as he walks the hallways, at every opportunity. He has had threats made against him. He wont reveal who. God knows I have tried to find out.

He cried a river telling me his anguish over living in a society that views him as a freak, as someone with no worth. His Father called him a faggot as well.

All I can do is offer my support and unconditional love. I feel helpless to protect him from the pain being inflicted on him and that breaks my heart.

Has anyone been through this?

Elgin_m_4_3sum 62M

9/14/2005 5:18 am

There are a number of support groups for parents and your son. Look on the internet for something local to you. I can look around for you if you're not adept with that... I think you'll find much support out there.

FelonyMrMeaner 41M/45F
4 posts
9/14/2005 6:22 am

Check out PFLAG (I am sure they have a site online)
They should be able to help you find a local support group and or help you figure out a way for the school itself to help the tormmenting of your son to stop.

papyrina 51F
21133 posts
9/14/2005 6:25 am

Be strong i feel for both of you,Is it possible to change schools before things go further?
Elgin is right contact one of these help groups as you both need some proffesional help or at least a advice from someone who has been where you both are,takecare

I'm a

i'm here to stay

rm_SurelyMaybe 52M

9/14/2005 3:15 pm

It's a shame that people just can't be who they really are in America...not everyone is equal...especially if you are gay. There is nothing you did to create this...and it doesn't matter if you did (I don't think that's possible)...your son is gay and he's not ever going to be straight. What he needs now is for YOU to support him in becoming a functioning participant in society. He's got a very hard row to hoe, but if you give him the tools to cope, he'll come out of this VERY strong. You have nothing to be but proud of your son. Can you imagine how hard it was for HIM to tell you? He's a very brave kid and you should commend him for this. Only the really strong ones come out early. Keep an eye on him, gay kids comprise a disportionate number when it comes to suicide. I think the number is about 35% of total suicides are from gay teens--and that's just the ones they know about.
Love him, tell him society is WRONG and tell him that life will be better when he gets out of school, that then he can live his life. If it's too difficult for him now, take him out of school and let him get his GED and go on to college early. Whew. I hope this helped. Take what you want from what I wrote and good luck to you and your son.

rm_mtnravyn 60M
890 posts
9/30/2005 12:52 pm

The online support and local group can be verey helpful. I had a young friend who went through that and While I could support in my way once he found a local group I saw him grow into his own power and alow even better communication with me. Ibecaem the sounding board for what he was learning. It is always a privilege to ge trusted in that role.

rm_mtnravyn 60M
890 posts
9/30/2005 12:53 pm

The online support and local groups can be very helpful. I had a young friend who went through that and While I could support in my way once he found a local group I saw him grow into his own power and allow even better communication with me. I becaeme the sounding board for what he was learning. It is always a privilege to be trusted in that role.

passion8_lady 57F

10/9/2005 2:00 pm

Oh, God, yes! Finelady, I can't believe how much we have in common. Only my son hasn't come out to me yet. I found out online, he is a member of several online gay groups. That would explain his years of emotional problems in high school that eventually led him to drop out. My son knows that I'm ok with homosexuality yet he hasn't come out to me. I asked a gay friend about it and he said that it's very, very difficult to tell your parents, even if you do know they are OK with it. It sounds like you have a great relationship with your son that he was able to tell you. As the other commenters said, please find a support group and get together with other mothers and find ways to help your son through this. Anyone who thinks homosexuality is a "choice" is crazy. Nobody would choose to be such an outcast and go through the tormenting that your son and others like him are going through each day. Good luck and I'm keeping good thoughts for you and your son.

Become a member to create a blog