Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails...  

fieldsofdaisy 41F
1343 posts
8/31/2006 9:17 pm

Last Read:
11/10/2006 2:47 pm

Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails...

Sometimes, I think I come off as way too girly-girl on this thing.

Really and truly, I'm just not like that.

Yes. I love the clothes, shoes, hair, makeup... All the pretties that come along with the XX chromosomes. But, that's just on weekdays, and, well, when I actually have somewhere to go on the weekends. (which hardly ever happens. And, no, the grocery store does NOT count. They are lucky if I get out of my pj's when I bless them with my presence, my screaming children and my hard-earned cash! )

Let's just say that I have certain male proclivities that make my son laugh hysterically, and my husband groan outwardly.

Also, I'm just goofy as hell. Like that surprises you, right?

I am highly skilled in the art of pestering and extreme annoyance. Yep. You heard me. I will find your weakness, and exploit it for my own amusement. If it makes me laugh, it's totally fair game. Of course, this is all with the understanding and acceptance that turnabout is fair play, of course. If you can figure out what drives me nuts, you are free to retaliate as you see fit. I must say, though, I'm pretty laid-back. But, there are a few things that will get me. And, NO, I won't tell you!!!! And, if my pestering can succeed in getting a good wrestling match out of you? I have truly WON! I love the wrestling match. And, I freely admit that I use the 'ow' card. This is another bonus of the female chromosomes. You pin me. I cry "ow!". You let me go. I re-assess, re-group, and WHAMMO!! I getcha! GO ME!! Now, don't look at me like that. I simply use the tools I have been blessed with...

I am an expert fort builder. A recently discovered hidden talent.

I can be a terrible slob. I try not to be. But, I just can't help it, sometimes. Housework is just so damn boring.


I need a freakin' wife!!!! Hells yeah, baby!!!! Someone to clean my house, take care of my kids, remember special events for me, write my holiday/birthday cards and my thank you notes, organize the kids activities, the social events, maintain contact with my family, etc., etc... DUDE. That is SO the answer. Now. Where do I go about finding me a wife?? Is there a catalog somewhere? A registry? Hmmmm... Definitely need to get to work on this one... Let me know if you have any tips. Advice for capturing me one of them wifey thingys. Perhaps a long-range rifle or a leg trap? I could set up a blind at the local mall, or the coffee shop, and bag me a wifey!!

So, if you don't hear from me for a while, I'm either working on breaking in one of those feral wifey's, or I'm in jail for hunting without a license...


living2lives 44M

8/31/2006 11:49 pm

Is there a gender specific season? Can a male that has been domsticated be taken legally? I love the word feral....

VATraveler1948 68M

9/1/2006 6:46 am

A "wife" is not what you are looking for, very few individuals who are in jobs with that job description perform those duties willingly. I haven't done a lot of personal research on this but my limited experience is that the "wife" does not like this job any more than you do and it is VERY unlikely that they will do many of those specified tasks for you. The "wife" position comes with some type of contract so it's not recommended to try it unless you are willing to make the commitment.

I think you should look for a "personal assistant", they are easier to fire when they don't perform as expected.

SingleWarrior 52M

9/1/2006 7:32 pm

...ummm... ok...

intierzha 43M

9/1/2006 8:55 pm

Sweet... I've always wanted to meet a woman who was an expert in siege defenses (my ex-wife was never good at defense planning... *sigh* We tactitians have it the worst, lol)


NakedLnch 48M

9/2/2006 3:09 pm

That sneak atack does sound pretty fierce. I'm pretty sure I can handle one of those, as long as it doesn't include any kicking or otherwise jabbing in the pills. I need those dangly suckers. That said, as long as you don't gang up on me with your new ninja-trained wife... I think I can take ya'.

Fun post!!

MajorEasy 46M
2693 posts
9/5/2006 11:44 am

Sweetie...girly-girl is good....wait...I take that back...girly-girl is great!!

As to getting a wife...I'd advise against's not worth the bother...she'll have a headache when you want sex, she'll yell at you when she made the mess and she'll dump your arse the minute a better prospect comes along...before you accept my gospel truths...I have no idea what I'm talking about...the above are just hearsay...

But to help you in your quest...I suggest you take out a male profile in AdultFriendFinder...slap on a few dick we all know how attracted women are to those...and snare yourself a plaything who does might even get to wrestle her on the odd weekends...admittedly, the 'ow' card may not work as'll still get your kicks...

. . . . . . . MajorEasy's Blog...
There is no use getting, into heavy petting
it only leads to trouble, and seat wetting.....

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