Get to know me in twelve easy steps.  

featsofdarringdo 34M
0 posts
2/12/2005 12:52 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Get to know me in twelve easy steps.


I found this girl's profile and her only blog was a questionnaire for prospective boyfriends. So, being the smarty pants bastard that I am, I decided to fill it out in my own colorful way. BEHOLD MY AWESOME! IT'S POWER IS VERY POWERFUL!

-name: Michaelsaurus Pontificus Arrakis

-age: The Highlander

-height: I am possibly a million feet tall

-weight: I dunno

-birthday: Septcember Eleventy-First, Twenty B.C.

-zodiac: Da Bull guy

-what are your ethniticies? Irish/German. A good fightin' breed.

-are you an inny or an outy?( belly buttion that is haha) Inside-outy.

-what are your hobbies? I enjoy memorizing science text books, playing the accordion, contemplating infinity, sliding down sharp declines at warp speed whilst riding 'pon the back of a shoddily made "sled," taking aspirin, yelling at the Ireland soccer team to SCORE A FREAKIN' GOAL YOU BUNCH OF PANSY BUMMED WANKERS!!!!, smashing puny humans, using The Force, Luke, getting sued by George Lucas for using The Force, Luke, making obscure pop culture references, and, um... doing push ups?

-why do you want to be my boy/girlfriend? I'm just bored and figured this would be a good chance to level up my comedic and/or strangeness abilities.

-favorite music? Anything no one else has heard of.

-favorite day of the week? Saint Blorgsday

-favorite color? Pizza color

-favorite movie? Anything beginning with "Star."

-boxers or briefs or thongs? Tinfoil briefs

-bed sheets or no bed sheets? Depends on how lazy I am.

-satin or lace? Hail Satin!

-which side of the bed do you prefer? Whichever is least urine-stained.

-do you drive? if so, what? Yes. Slave 1.

-do you have a job? if so, where? Yes. Intergalactic bounty hunter.

-do you know me in "real life"? No. But we might have met in a past life.

-if so, how, and when did you meet me? And thus, the paradox of the cosmos.

-if you havent MET me, have you seen me around? Where? Yes. On your profile? Does that even count?

-what do you think of me? (looks-wise HONESTLY) Your name must be Mickey. 'Cause you're so fine you blow my mind.

-do you believe in love at first sight? Sometimes, when I'm looking through a targeting scope.

-what do you feel is the most important part of a relationship? The part where all my friends get jealous 'cause I'm making out with a hot babe and playing a wicked guitar solo AT THE SAME TIME.

-do you smoke cigarettes? Second-handidly.

-how do you feel about drugs & alcohol? They're the driving force behind some great music, but would most likely kill me.

-can you cook? The microwave is my best friend. And not just because it sends out searing doses of radiation.

-how many men/women have you slept with??? HONESTLY... Fewer than the letters I would need to spell the number.

-what is your favorite position? Sexually or politically?

-are you religious, if so what religion? Yes. I am a Jedi and strongly believe in The Force.

-what is your dream career? Galactic Tyrant.

-are you spontaneous? Let me think about that and get back to you...

-would you go skinney dipping with me on our first date? Male anatomy and cold water don't mix well.

-do you support sex on the first date? You really are a perv.

-would you rather stay in or go out? I like staying in and eating out. Uh... not in the sexual innuendo way. I think.

-"bros before hoe's"? I don't do much gardening.

if i called you at 3 am & wanted to hang out because i was feeling bad, would we..

a. go to your house to cuddle & watch some movies PROBABLY EVIL DEAD 2 BECAUSE THAT ALWAYS CHEERS ME UP.

it's my birthday. i want a present. you get me..

f. get me A FLYING CAR AND A LASER GUN AND A LICENSE TO KILL. AND MAYBE A ROOT BEER.

In a perfect world, this would have earned me a trophy or something.

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