Stolen sex or Blake's "Auguries of Innocence"...  

ewan_1973 44M
44 posts
11/26/2005 11:28 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Stolen sex or Blake's "Auguries of Innocence"...

I have not written anything in a long while. Part of it is that I was travelling, and to a beautiful place. When work was done, I invested myself in finding beauty. Don't we all long for beauty? Beauty, in the words of William Blake, might be hidden in a grain of sand, so we keep looking, with attention to the small, to the detail. But here, so often, nothing is subtle or a detail.

Perhaps I was thrown into this state of mind because I thought I was making a great friend here. I miss her: I have not heard from her in a while -four, five days? But the silence, that I am sure has a reason, begins to be painful. But this is not a complain, because it is not the pain of the one who feels is being mistreated unjustly -since there is nothing that is due to me by anybody, least of all by her.

But the simple pain of the absence of someone who was just starting to get an avenue into my messy life. Only four or five days, but Blake also writes that eternity might be an hour.

Was I looking for beauty when I signed up in this place? I sure did not find it in the moments of heat, in the movements of the bodies stealing from the logic that you don't have sex with someone you don't know. Beauty still resides in words, in the reflection of the light of a mid-afternoon. It could reside on sex, don't get me wrong, but hardly, to be honest, in my case, in stolen sex. Sex that I have stolen from somebody else; sex stolen from hours of sleep; sex stolen from places that are not mine.

And I would give up but you learn about someone else. Something she says, a beautifully wild picture, and I am daydreaming again... Or perhaps, I still hope, my friend will add something else, to the beautiful conversation we started one night, when only an hour became eternity.

Yours, Ewan


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