Mood: agonizing about this meeting I have tomorrow  

ewan_1973 44M
44 posts
11/7/2005 10:55 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Mood: agonizing about this meeting I have tomorrow


I am meeting an AdultFriend tomorrow. The interesting thing about this meeting is that I do not think sex will be involved. Interesting because this is a sex site, and interesting in the long journey to get to understand myself. I really thought sex was mainly what I had in mind when I first signed up in this site.

I am more nervous about this encounter than any I ever was before. Much more nervous than when I knew the encounter was of a very probable sexual nature. For one thing, I am even concerned about what clothes I will be wearing ‒so unlike me. Some encounters were so rushed and so much to the point that choice of clothes was hardly the issue.

It is interesting to feel nervous, to think about the many things that could go wrong. Two human beings meet for lunch and we know chemistry between two persons is close to esoteric. So unlike me. I would like it so much to go well, that I am almost sure it will not work. (Plus now, I just remembered we picked a restaurant where I met one person from here. It was a soul-emptying encounter, maybe one of the two that was really disappointing ‒even if it finished in bed).

Now I am thinking that I do not have any charm. That probably we will not find any common topic of conversation. That I will be uncomfortable. That her first sight of me will disappoint her. That she will quickly lose patience with me. But I am also thinking this is so much exciting that a simple purely sexual date.

I know if people were to comment to this post, I would get lots of “be yourself” but we have to be honest and admit any normal breathing person has a variety of honest “ourselves”. In some situations I am assuring, strong, attentively confident… in others, I am just the opposite. I seriously considered the idea of drinking some strong alcohol before I get there… I decided I prefer to have all my faculties intact…

I did with the matter the only thing I know how to do: namely, to be candid and admit to my date my nervousness and my sudden low self-esteem. Is it reassuring that she found this all the most interesting?

If you have any advice, beyond the “be yourself”, I would surely appreciate it today.

Yours,
Ewan

Things to Be Happy About:
1. A great movie I watched the other day: “The Woodsman”
2. Isabella Rossellini
3. Frogger’s next blog
4. The fact that in the age of transportation, suddenly Houston does not seem that far away.

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