The Rules  

eveready06 42M
1058 posts
9/7/2006 9:56 am

Last Read:
9/12/2006 1:56 pm

The Rules

EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY:

Company Policy: Effective from September 2006

Dress Code

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.


Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Surgery
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider having anything removed. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.


Bereavement Leave

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a
strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three
minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the
stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second
offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.


Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so
that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
and input should be directed elsewhere.


The Management



Tr0ubl3NmInD 41F

9/7/2006 10:39 am

The seems about right LOL


tight_n_tasty2 50F

9/8/2006 9:46 am

Great ideas here!!! where do I sign and when is payday?..lol


sassybelle21 32F
13313 posts
9/11/2006 11:05 am

Ooh I love this one


eveready06 42M

9/12/2006 1:53 pm

Thanks for posting hun!


eveready06 42M

9/12/2006 1:54 pm

    Quoting blonde367:
    ...I had this on the wall of my office in my last job... just a reminder I am a minion in the grand scheme of things... x
How true is that!!! Kinda depressing though isnt it!


eveready06 42M

9/12/2006 1:55 pm

    Quoting tight_n_tasty2:
    Great ideas here!!! where do I sign and when is payday?..lol
You can sign right here across my arse lol! And payday??? Who said anything about getting paid?!!!


eveready06 42M

9/12/2006 1:56 pm

Glad you like it hun!


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