Dear Alcohol  

eveready06 41M
1058 posts
8/6/2006 11:57 pm

Last Read:
8/13/2006 4:07 pm

Dear Alcohol

DEAR ALCOHOL

Dear Alcohol ,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holidays, hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chilli sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an excellent eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with theextra money in my pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,

Your biggest fan

P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative

2. Preliminary

3. Proliferation

4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity

2. British Constitution

3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.

2. Nope, no more beer for me.

3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.

4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?

5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing



rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
8/7/2006 12:14 am

2. Eating: ....

I eat that sober, whats that mean?


lostmydrinkagain 43F
2272 posts
8/7/2006 12:15 am

OMG, you are too funny, but seriously do you know how I got this big ass bruise on my right thigh?


Sulabula 45F
12658 posts
8/7/2006 3:58 am

lmao....lets go out and get drunk

Sula xxx

come visit my blog


RubyRedPetal 44F

8/7/2006 9:35 am

its all so true!

* *


MoutnainGirl 37F

8/7/2006 11:25 am

That is hysterical!! BTW.. those things ARE impossible to say when drunk!

Moutnain Girl

Visit my blog: MoutnainGirl


rm_xxSpecialKxx 45F
1614 posts
8/7/2006 2:09 pm

oh geeeshhhhhhhhhhhhhh thats sooo crazyyyyyyy so funny and so right god where do you get this stuff your so goofy but adorableeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee big hugs xxk


eveready06 41M

8/7/2006 4:23 pm

    Quoting rm_saintlianna:
    2. Eating: ....

    I eat that sober, whats that mean?
That means your a sick dirty mare lol! Joking hun! Its not often I get such an esteemed visitor to my blog Come back soon hun. Thanks for posting!


eveready06 41M

8/7/2006 4:24 pm

    Quoting lostmydrinkagain:
    OMG, you are too funny, but seriously do you know how I got this big ass bruise on my right thigh?
It was a midget with a stick!!


eveready06 41M

8/7/2006 4:27 pm

    Quoting Sulabula:
    lmao....lets go out and get drunk
Now theres an offer I cant refuse lol! Name the time and the place hun! Do I get to see what you look like first or are you gonna wait till my beer goggles are all misted up before revealing yourself? Pmsl!


eveready06 41M

8/7/2006 4:31 pm

    Quoting blonde367:
    touche'.. and still trying to work out how my ankle is the size of a football
Aww have you been to any foreign climes hun? It could be one of them lil insects that nests under your skin, has loadsa babies and your ankle'll swell till it bursts and loadsa lil insects come flooding out! Or maybe its just a mozzy bite or ya banged it on the table lol!


eveready06 41M

8/7/2006 4:33 pm

I know! Ive been in every one of those unfortunate situations I think!


eveready06 41M

8/7/2006 4:35 pm

    Quoting MoutnainGirl:
    That is hysterical!! BTW.. those things ARE impossible to say when drunk!
True, however the singin one I find I can generally control myself for - believe me I wouldnt want to subject anyone to that!


eveready06 41M

8/7/2006 4:38 pm

    Quoting rm_xxSpecialKxx:
    oh geeeshhhhhhhhhhhhhh thats sooo crazyyyyyyy so funny and so right god where do you get this stuff your so goofy but adorableeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee big hugs xxk
Goofy!!! FFS Ive been called some things in my time but Goofy! True I may have Buck teeth and big floppy ears but theres no need to tell the world hunny! Besides I always thought of myself as more of a foghorn leghorn! Isay, I say I.....


rm_turtleBurp 44F
1273 posts
8/7/2006 5:04 pm

I'd like to say i'd experienced all those things when drunk but i also develop amnesia every time so i really couldn't tell ya!


eveready06 41M

8/7/2006 6:06 pm

    Quoting rm_turtleBurp:
    I'd like to say i'd experienced all those things when drunk but i also develop amnesia every time so i really couldn't tell ya!
Lol! Dont worry I'll ask your friends!!! I believe one of em's got a really big mouth which she cant keep shut lol! I'm sure shed spill!


pretty_blue_eyes 38F
2091 posts
8/7/2006 7:45 pm

lol To funny! I'm going to have to try some of the hard things to say while drunk next time. Also the ones that are very difficult to say. Although, I do have to disagree with those that are downright impossible to say while drunk.

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex. My friends ran off and left me after the bar closed. *really just went to the truck, went to fast for drunk ol' me* lol. Actually told some guys, sorry I'm not a closing time chick. lol. Are ya proud of me?

2. Nope, no more beer for me. Yep, no more beer for me, I want some shots! Does that count?

3. Sorry, but you're not really my type. Haven't said this...I have been known to hide from those though.

4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight? I distraced a police officer while in a minivan full of drunk teenagers. *giggles* No worries, I was just 16 at the time. lol. Imagine keeping 6 other drunks standing up and quiet.

5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing Don't have to worry about that problem, I can't sing and I know it. Wouldn't subject others to that!


eveready06 41M

8/9/2006 3:10 pm

    Quoting pretty_blue_eyes:
    lol To funny! I'm going to have to try some of the hard things to say while drunk next time. Also the ones that are very difficult to say. Although, I do have to disagree with those that are downright impossible to say while drunk.

    THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

    1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex. My friends ran off and left me after the bar closed. *really just went to the truck, went to fast for drunk ol' me* lol. Actually told some guys, sorry I'm not a closing time chick. lol. Are ya proud of me?

    2. Nope, no more beer for me. Yep, no more beer for me, I want some shots! Does that count?

    3. Sorry, but you're not really my type. Haven't said this...I have been known to hide from those though.

    4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight? I distraced a police officer while in a minivan full of drunk teenagers. *giggles* No worries, I was just 16 at the time. lol. Imagine keeping 6 other drunks standing up and quiet.

    5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing Don't have to worry about that problem, I can't sing and I know it. Wouldn't subject others to that!
Lol! And I thought you were soooo innocent


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