|Blogs > eternal1969 > A silent cry, A silent night|
A ghost from the past
A ghost from the past
After all this banter with my pal George from KL, it brought back memories of another pal of mine I hung out with some years ago.
Lets see, that was when I was 27 and she was 19. Hmmm how time flies, that was like 9 years ago already. Back then, ICQ was the in-thing and we got hooked up through some common interest chatroom. I was initially intrigued by her intelligence as she was mature way beyond her age with a wit as sharp as razor. Her knowledge was amazingly broadbased and we could chat about almost anything under the sun. We developed as chat pals and we would go at it till the early morning. We were both nortunal and were at our peak at 3am
She was single then and she claimed that it was because guys were intimidated by her. I thought it was probably because she was the ultimate geek, she with a beautiful mind but not someone you will whiz away on a date or to a party. I especially suspected it when she always claimed she didn't have a photo to mail over as she hated taking such shots. She did mentioned that she was once spotted by a talent agency but then again, it could be because she was a relatively tall girl. Anyway, who cared, here was someone who could challenge my mind 24/7 and put me to sleep with a smile on my face.
After about 5 mths, my dad bought some properties in KL and I started driving up on a regular basis to manage them. At times as often as twice or three times a month. As usual, my timing was always off.. ie she had classes when I was free and when she was free I had to entertain. It wasn't until about 7 months after we first chatted that I actually met her.
And I was totally wrong... she was a head turner. Her hair was long and flowing and it reached her waist, which was incredibly proportionate to her body. Her skin was flawless and had that egg colour that I tend to go weak over.
So we would always meet up whenever I went up to KL. We would meet for lunch, coffee, dinner whatever and talked for hours. It was amazingly platonic (especially on my part since I found her extremely desirable).
SO it went on until one time, we met at KLCC and watched the fountain display at night. It was a Sunday night and I was supposed to leave in the evening for my drive back as I had to work on Monday. I couldnt bear to leave her that night and we stayed until 11pm. That was also the first time we kissed amidst all the crowd milling around us. But it felt so comfortable as if we were all alone. I even joked that we could be arrested for excessive display of affection in a public place.
It felt nice and wet frenching her as we cuddled together. It was really like we were meant for each other. When it was really really time for me to go, she told me that her maid had slept and she didn't have her house keys. Here's the stupid part... I sent her over to her friend's place so that she could sleep over with her. I could have easily called back to extend my leave and stayed on in KL, I could have brought her back to my KL apartment and spent the night with her since it was already past 1am. But what happened instead was that I struggled to stay awake to drive, dozing off a couple times on my return leg to Singapore. It was as if even fate was trying to stop me from leaving.
Stupid stupid.... I didn't know what got into me then. She was single, so was I. But too many things went through my head...the age gap, the maintenance of a long distance relationship, the disintegration of a perfect relationship with a platonic soulmate.... having to commit etc etc..
As it happens in all such situations, we drifted apart and subsequently lost contact. When George first surfaced, I even initially thought it was her.
What did I learn? I learnt to strike when the mantle is hot and not think too much ... but still this fundamental characteristic of mine still keeps popping up.
But 3 weeks ago while packing for the new year, I found a printout of an old email from her. As a long shot, I dropped her an email telling her I missed hearing from her. 3 weeks passed and there was no news.. which was not unexpected. But today when I got to the office, I was surprised to see her email reply. It seemed the email address was an old one which she checks once in a billion years and I was so lucky that she decided to view it within this cycle. Yes, she said she misses me too and that we should catch up. She leaves me her hotmail address and asks me to msn her.
Sigh... I wouldn't know how to begin to pick up the pieces... I guess its the same strange feeling you get when you have to tell your ex that you are already married. Sigh Sigh Sigh
3/1/2006 6:05 am
i wish you luck with that lady love of yours...everyone is entitled to start anew. i am glad that my appearance here actually rekindled your lost feelings for her. go for it...|
george watching from afar
3/3/2006 4:10 am
Its just doesnt feel the same without you nearby anymore |