Cookie-Cutter Profiles  

rm_eroticker 62M
21 posts
7/1/2006 11:03 pm

Last Read:
5/11/2013 6:33 pm

Cookie-Cutter Profiles


Who hasn't seen a cookie-cutter profile? The kind that reads like this:

I'm the type who's prepared to fuck you senseless before we exchange phone numbers. Or names. I'm your typical fuck-and-forget date. No time for Love, Dr. Jones! When I go out, it's a rare night that I don't come home with somebody nice. For me a perfect date is a long evening of fun, no-strings sex. I'm in the mood for a creative fuck buddy in my life. On Sunday afternoons I like to continue the screwing we started on Saturday night. If you contact me remember that emails with a naked photo get special consideration. Feel free to drop me a line if you think you meet my standards. I'm picky but worth it. I look forward to screwing your brains out.

They're all over the place, yet somehow they also carry an air of mystery. Why are there so many of them? Why are they all the same? How are they made? Are they, heaven forfend, bots?!? Yet another theory hit the Advice Lines recently ["Professional profile edits"], that these are what you get when you fork over 80 USD for a "professional profile edit".

I can't claim to have seen a professionally edited profile, so I don't know whether 80 bucks gets you stuff like this. But I do know where these cheesy profiles come from. They are created as part of the signup process, and you pay nothing for them.

A F F has a way of changing things around randomly, but right now, signing up involves filling two screens of information. In the second of the two, you get text area input boxes to enter your profile write up and your vision of your Ideal Person. To the left, there are two links, titled "Writing Ideas" and "Profile Writer".

The "Writing Ideas" link, leading to a popup window with advice, may be familiar from the times you've edited your profile. The "Profile Writer" link, however, appears only during signup, and never again. If you didn't bother to look then, too bad.

The link opens a popup window with a series of lead-in texts and drop-down boxes containing completions to choose from. You select the lines you want and press the button at the bottom, labelled "Create Profile". This gets you a confirmation screen, where your selections have been strung together into a text area input box, for you to edit if you want before committing. The text is then automatically inserted as your profile write-up. And that's it.

Being at a loss for words is one thing, but surely it takes an uncommon obliviousness not to notice the cumulative banality of a whole string of these cheesy one-liners. And there's no way around it. No matter what you select, it's guaranteed to come out sounding phony, if not goofy.

Even so, A F F has put some effort into this Profile Writer feature, to the extent that the choice of one-liners offered, to make a laughing stock of you, are customized to your gender and what you're looking for. For instance, the lead-in "Hey there! I'm..." can have these options for men:
  • a regular fellow, a little on the quiet side, but I thaw fairly quick once I get to know you.
  • an easy going, nonjudgmental guy who's looking for new things to try out.
  • an upwardly mobile professional, highly educated and happy by nature.
  • a hard working man, enjoying what I have but looking for more.
  • the 21st Century gentleman, caring, sophisticated, and a class act all around.
  • your typical bored husband, stuck in a marriage that's more of a static friendship.
  • a newly graduated guy with too much free time on my hands.
  • your good-time guy and a real crowd-pleaser, if you know what I mean.
  • a horny dude. Spare me the philosophy and fuck me silly, already!

And these for women:
  • a regular girl, a little on the quiet side, but I thaw fairly quick once I get to know you.
  • an easy going, nonjudgmental girl who's looking for new things to try out.
  • an upwardly mobile professional, highly educated and happy by nature.
  • a hard working woman, enjoying what I have but looking for more.
  • the 21st Century woman, caring, sophisticated, and a class act all around.
  • your typical bored housewife, stuck in a marriage that's more of a static friendship.
  • a newly graduated woman with too much free time on my hands.
  • your good-time girl and a real crowd-pleaser, if you know what I mean.
  • a post-feminist slut. Spare me the philosophy and fuck me silly, already!

Maybe we should we hope that the horny dudes and the post-feminist sluts find each other. Otherwise, what chance could they have?

For a list of lead-in texts, see: Better Cookie Cutter Profiles?

cuteNEway 41F

7/2/2006 2:59 pm

I freakin HATE those. And the sad part is that they SWEAR that you don't realize that they have cookie cutter profiles!

I don't reply to men with these profiles. It shows how lazy they are. It shows that if they aren't willing to put forth any effort into describing themselves then you know that they'll put ZERO effort into getting to know YOU.

tee hee


Corrupt_Me_79 37M

7/4/2006 8:36 am

Frankly, I think the people who post the cookie cutter profiles deserve the responses they get -- no replies for the men and crude propositions for the women. That's how I imagine it working, anyway.


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