How to be teh smex (aka, how to work it online)  

empress_evie 39F
134 posts
8/18/2005 11:01 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

How to be teh smex (aka, how to work it online)

Arrgh! I planned to do a thing with this guy today around noon, and it's... 12:15? Sorry, I'm just impatient, despite the fact that I have all day. I want my instant gratification NOW!! I get like this when I'm libidinous.

Anyway, in the meantime, the torrent of emails (especially since I went silver! That was a good idea - a month oughta do me for this round of slutitude, and I can renew if I want) is overwhelming me, and they're the same, always the same, and it's starting to wear on me. It usually starts to wear on me after about a week. I answer about a tenth of them, and I hook up with... maybe three to five people (not at the same time, but if they were all guys I'd consider it) during a sex-drive attack.

I've been online dating for... wow, 6 years! Actual dating at first, followed by this site once I was attached and long-distancing. I'm a writer by trade. I know how to grab attention and show off my best attributes in a profile, WITHOUT lying. I can tell from a three-sentence message whether I'd even consider meeting a guy or not, and either I've been amazingly lucky with who I've met, or I'm really good at screening people before I meet them.

So, boys, I now offer some tips on how to get attention on this site. Specifically, my attention. And I suspect MOST women have standards similar to mine....


Remember that phrase. Remember it well. "6'1" 195 lbs br/br 9" and thick" says absolutely nothing about you other than you're lazy and can't be bothered to think of anything else. Also, this leads to:

Rule Two: Just shut up about the cock, already.

Yes. Heterosexual women like dick, generally. I myself love it. But there's something important on the other end, which would be YOU. Are you young, old, near, far, funny, dull, creepy, what? Chicks generally dig men as a whole, and we decide whether or not to sleep with you based on personality, overall looks (so don't send a cock pic in your first email, and send a FACE PIC in your email if I ask "got a pic?"), and in my case spelling... If you've got just a cock pic up on your profile, fine. I've just got my tits. I don't want to show my face till I've screened you a bit. But don't make the cock the main attraction. And shut up about how great it is and what it can do to a woman. Leads to...

Rule Three: Didn't your mother tell you not to brag?

You are not the best lover in the world. You are not guaranteed to make any woman cum. You may or may not have a hot bod, you may or may not give someone the best time of her life, and your cock is NOT perfect, because if it was, there'd be bronze models of it on shelves across the nation. Long story short, some of you guys have a total and complete lack of modesty, and it's quite the turnoff. It means that if we hooked up, it'd be all about YOU and how great YOU are and ooo, look at you, you're hot! (Sorry to sound bitter, but I've met a few of these guys and it's just not satisfying to be with someone like that.) Brag some. It's a profile, you ought to show off your best attributes. But say stuff like "I'm fit and I work out and I think I look really good" and "people say I'm funny" and "I love pleasing women", rather than "I'm very attractive", "I have a great sense of humor" and "I can make you howl my name all night long, baby."

Rule Four: SPELLING AND GRAMMAR: Common mistakes.

1) Please, use conventional English spelling. Or at least try. You're not dealing with a phone here. You can type "you" instead of "u". Capital letters and punctuation are great. Put periods between sentences. This whole site is about communicating via keyboard till you meet in person, so work that keyboard!

2) Never say "baby". Unless you're discussing an infant.

3) The above are just my pet peeves. I'm particular about spelling - it indicates a smart guy, and I dig smart guys. Some people have looser standards - for example, they can tolerate chatspeak in an email, whereas I only tolerate it in chat rooms. But please do try to use spelling and punctuation.

And finally, Rule Five: Excessive persistence will get you NOWHERE.

Here I'm talking about people who keep bugging women in a chat room, and then once they leave the chat room, said women are bombarded with emails and IMS from the same guy over and over and over till they have to change their screen name. That's the extreme example. There aren't a ton of those sorts of stalkers (don't be one, ever!). But more common are the guys who write a woman and don't get a response, and then decide to write two, three times a day, usually in a slightly angry tone - "Why aren't you responding? Write to me! Write to meee!" You gotta understand, women here are SWAMPED. I personally have received 38 emails today before I started writing this - and it was only 12:15 in the afternoon. We cannot respond to all of you! Just the ones with whom we have a vibe... and like I said, I respond to about a tenth of what I get. Don't be insulted if a woman doesn't write back - she may be looking for someone living closer to her, someone five years younger, etc. - it is NOT PERSONAL. Some guys who've sent multiple emails, I've responded to, because they were kind of fun and teasing. That was nice, to know I was remembered in the sea of people on this site. But don't get hostile! Or pushy. Repeated "wanna fuck?" "no, really, wanna fuck?" "yeah, wanna fuck?" over and over... you are so very DELETED!!

I'll be honest. It's those guys, the super-persistent ones, that are the reason I don't use IM - ever. I might give my address to the wrong person... then my screen name is no longer useful. Even if I block the guy he'll come at me from a different screen name. I've been on here long enough I've collected a few stalkers.

So if you send me tons and tons of emails and I don't respond, even if we've talked before... it's probably because you're being waaaay too persistent. Sorry, that's just the way I work. I don't deal with people who can't take a hint.


And there's me being all catty about what men gotta do to get my attention. I'd apologize for the cattiness, but it's my blog and I can write what I want. Heehee! But really - if you DO do these things... I swear, your response rate will go WAY up.

And there's my piece of Sex Site Public Service for the day. I really hope this thing with this guy today works out. I don't know if it will, but we shall see.

easyblackjack 62M

8/18/2005 11:49 am

Hey Evie. Thanx for the advice! I have to admit, I have a problem with doing my profile, and what to say in an email. I tend to stay away from those things you dislike, so maybe Im not doing as bad as I think. Its not easy to talk yourself up and not sound a little braggy. I guess its the qualities in a guy that you(woman) want to see. Im not a paying member yet so I dont get many emails. And of course cant send them if I dont get them. I do enjoy reading the blogs though! Im kind of new to that aspect of cyber dating/sex. I hope the thing with the guy worked out for you! lol

rm_mark37mn 51M

8/18/2005 1:59 pm

Evie, that was well spoken. I am new to this, trying to figure out the ins and outs of this site. I don't try to write the thing the ladys want to here that would be so not me. I need to display the real me other wise I feel I will attract the wrong lady for me, not to mention I would be in the end not who I said I was for her. I agree with Easyblackjack. Its tough for some men to tell about them selves with out sounding like there bragging, some men have a lot. It may be in wealth/property or just a great guy with all the qualities most woman would love to find in a man. If you are one of those guys what do you do? If you say it like it is thay think you are lying and. If you back off so to speek your not going to be looked at as any one special. In both cases she will probable not read your profile. And I would not blunt twards a lady like other men here are nor would I hound them with emails. I have way to much repect for woman thats the real me. To bad the guys don't back off some. That would give the ladys fewer emails to respond to and give them more time to look for the ones that are honest and genuine. Like Easyblackjack and myself. Hou do you send and recieve an e-mail in here any ways. Can I ?

rm_1918WS 43M
1 post
8/18/2005 5:07 pm

Hey baby...

Awesome post my Empress. I kneel before thee.

rm_cheifiwanaho 39M

8/19/2005 6:42 am

Evie, you're preaching to the choir ba. . . uh . . . empress.

So, tell me what you think abou this, if you will:

A donkey (We'll call him Don) is watching a porno called Manhattan Madness: Human Encounters. In the film, Donkeys are engaging in sexual acts with humans. You know, the One Dollar Donkey Show, etc. The Donkey's wife, Elvira, catches him and is disgusted with her husbands unnatural yearnings to get it on with a human female. She bellows, "Hee-Haawwww!" in horror. "Don't you know what you can catch from one of those filthy beasts!" Then she eats him.

What do you think? Do you think I have a writing career waiting in the wings? I have some work to do on developing the setting and the overall mood, but when all is said and done, I might be onto something. Personally, I don't like to toot my own horn, but I think the Don and Elvira story is riviting. NBC, here I come!

rm_RickyDItalia 36M

8/19/2005 12:53 pm

Well, I must admit I've never heard of the word "smex" before. I feel all educated and stuff now. Great blog, by the by. You "write well"; being a writer by trade probably helps. Or the other way around... Either way, I appreciate it. The writing, I mean. Advice and ideas and the like. Right, so I'll be leaving now.

Ricky D

redmustang91 57M  
8654 posts
8/20/2005 4:14 pm

Good advice! Guys have it tough sometimes trying to figure out how strong to come across. A little bragging may be needed! I think intelligence and humor are valued, at least I am hoping so!

I enjoy your blogs, keep them coming.

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