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Foursome fun falls flat on its face
Foursome fun falls flat on its face
As the lapse of blog entries will show, I've been avoiding this corner of teh Interweb lately... I'm a very online person, but my digital focus lately has been school research as well as hobbies other than finding people to mess around with. You know, that respectability bug I get sometimes is starting to show its symptoms. It happens.
I could feel it coming on, the same way you can feel a cold approaching by the tickle in the back of your nose. But there was one thing I wanted to attempt while my libido/lack of morals allowed... and that was Matt's idea of a foursome.
He brought it up the last time we were together. His theory: My fantasy is to have two guys at once, his is to have two girls at once. Soooo... why not hook up, as a couple, with another couple? Fun for everyone! We scoped some people out, emailed back and forth for a while, and yesterday finally met up with one couple we liked. Bryan and Amy.
I was terrified, of course. My happy-go-lucky wacky fun sex vibe had already been mostly replaced by my desire to link affection and sex, as mentioned in previous blog entries. Also a foursome is something you really ought to approach with a few beers in you - liquid courage, you know. And I don't drink, I can't and I won't. And I like the thing where I never have hangovers or do stupid drunken stuff I regret terribly, but there are rare times when sobriety would be a burden to anyone, and facing your first-ever foursome (or possibility thereof) is one of them. Aagh.
So Matt met me at a restauraunt, and then the other couple met us. Phenomenal physical specimens, both of them - conversant about Big 10 football, what bars are the best to go to, and... well, that sort of thing. Matt and I have a tendency to talk work/school (we're in the same field) and what nonfiction he's been reading. Not to mention totally goofy random crap. (Although Matt knows his bars and Big 10 football, so that kept the early conversation going.) I wondered if I'd come across as a big nerdy dork.
However, I talked to them, got to know them and figured I liked them. Amy is earnest, intelligent, and, for a hot chick, very down to earth. Bryan watches over her with a playful protectiveness and a devilish grin. Yes, they're seriously dating. Each other.
And they were confused about how Matt and I, both in separate serious relationships, could cheat on our sig. others. I rationalize it with the fact that my guy is a couple thousand miles away. Matt doesn't rationalize it at all - he feels no need to. The couple knew what our situations were beforehand, but even so, it did bug them and they let us know. That was awkward.
Ah well... maybe we'd still click. We worked on it. Went to an intimate bar. Matt was oddly quiet (turned out he'd smoked a joint in the bathroom - to quell the nerves?) but slid his hand down the back of my skirt, down my underwear, cupped my ass in his hand, then curved his fingers under to tease my pussy... oh dear lord. Bryan started stroking my leg and reached up to my inner thigh... oh seriously dear lord. Amy was dancing, smiling and watching.
Wow. THIS close to my fantasy. Two guys touching me at once... I could barely stand it....
...except for the fact that while Bryan was clicking with me, Amy and Matt weren't clicking. Matt hadn't made a move on her, and she hadn't made a move on him, nor had they really flirted or anything - she wanted him to make the move, because the guy makes the move. Meanwhile, Matt was being overly mellow and not saying much, going with the "flow", even though neither of us had a clue what the flow was, having never done this before. Amy said she just wasn't connecting with him, and hey, sometimes you connect and sometimes you don't. So, probably wasn't going to work. Ah well.
To tell you the truth, I was slightly relieved - a foursome just seemed... intimidating... right about then. And the boyfriend, back from two weeks overseas, had left me a couple voice messags, and I was missing him, watching Bryan and Amy interact in this affectionate, sweet, yet kind of raunchy way - they work together, it was nice to see, but it made me want to go home and call my guy.
However, Bryan and Amy huddled a bit and decided we might as well head back toward their place... and while panic returned to me, I thought - "This is an OPPORTUNITY!!! To have my fantasy FINALLY, FINALLY fulfilled!! It's about freakin' time!"
Then Matt walked out with a beer in his pocket. On the street, in Chicago, where having an open container is not a good thing. The bouncer took it away, then frisked/checked over the rest of us to see if we had one - and Bryan and Amy were just pissed off, and I was bewildered as to what just happened, not being all that alert at 2 am. Matt was, as he often is, unapologetic.
With the situation as touch-and-go as it already was, Bryan and Amy shook their heads in disgust and walked off. I was still bewildered as to what just happened - I'd spent the whole night kind of bewildered... and I was concerned, I hadn't wanted anyone to be upset. (I never want anyone to be upset.) But in any case, one way or another the evening was done.
I declined Matt's offer of a ride home (he was too mellow for me to feel comfortable with him as a driver), and then I grabbed a cab after declining to join him in the alley while he relieved himself. I went home. Made a well-deserved, much-needed phone call to West Coast Guy. Went to sleep.
And felt both disappointment and relief - I missed an opportunity to fulfill my fantasy. But really, right now I don't think I even WANT to fulfill my fantasy. And I realized: My slut-attack, although it's lasted a couple months, is more or less over now.
Because, I thought as I woke up this morning, my fantasy is not two guys at once, at least not now. My fantasy is one guy. He lives on the West Coast and I'm going to see him this upcoming weekend.
More to follow in the next entry.
9/26/2005 4:46 pm
I certainly sympathize with the millions of thoughts running through your head. Without admitting anything, "Good guys" go through this type of thing time and time again over women. You'll get where you want to be eventually. The important thing is that you do what makes you happy. There is no reason anyone should go through life in a depression. Find what makes you happy and cling to it. Even if it is something different every day, because who knows what tomorrow will bring.|
Cliché city I know, but its true, no?