First entry of blog/isn  

eatsnatch25 37M
3 posts
10/26/2005 6:26 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

First entry of blog/isn


Lately I haven't been able to sleep much....been up for about 43 hrs. straight,why? Why can't I sleep? Stress?- perhaps; but there is something more to it , just can't put my finger on it. The walls seem to breathe around me and the floor seems to be following suit.... It's just your eyes playing tricks on you ,just the eyes... if thats the case- then my eyes must have been playing tricks on me since I was a child--nothing was ever seen; I could never see what was presented before me, what was ever shown to me...could never see the right from the wrong; just tricks the eyes have been playing for too long; One could contest that its not the eyes playing tricks because there was never anything to see---no glimpse of happiness,no sight of hope,nor the slightest shade of color to attest to anything I could be seeing as truth or at the least, what I desperately wished to be real and whole; something that had a sense of was never real;my eyes were just playing tricks on me. I was never there because it didn't exist- how could it if one could'nt see it?
I have been blind all of this life. Sometimes I swear I could sense- even feel- the weight of light raining down upon me, raining heavily down on me like a clenched drunken fist of someone that I could have looked up to, someone that I could have sought in need of guidance; but it was dark- I was blind. I couldn't see the hostility; just felt the enormous weight of those lighted fists pouring down upon me as if God were trying to drown me in a torrent of rage, and an anger that cracked as loudly as lightning and left such a burn across my face that I thought I was ablaze;but it was never real....just my eyes playing tricks on me.

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