Yet Another embarassing Coming-of-Age Memory  

earthShiva 59M
270 posts
7/27/2006 7:11 am

Last Read:
8/10/2006 2:16 am

Yet Another embarassing Coming-of-Age Memory

I had a night off last night, so I took the "American Pie" DVD out of its cheesy paper envelope and popped it in the computer.

I had forgotten what a funny movie it is. It has to be the best male coming-of-age movie. It reminds me of a juvenile, ribald version of "Diner".

Seeing this relentless cavalcade of embarrassing teenage moments jogged loose a repressed memory of my own youth.

Like most boys, I discovered masturbation. Oh, I had heard about it. I had tried it too early to get any results, and figured it just wasn't for me, and then one day, idly fondling my recently more prominent buddy, ZING!!! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT???!? Hey, that felt GREAT! And so, a pastime was born.

It didn't take me long to figure out that this was not my own unique discovery, but the very same one that so many older brothers of friends had told me about. Ah, those were the salad days of jerking off! When you didn't even associate it with girls yet, just its own pure, self-contained pleasure.

Unfortunately, I was sharp enough to eventually put two and two together, and also realize that this was the very same scourge the local nuns had warned of in their oblique discussions of "being impure", with all its dire consequences. Truly a sad way to bring women into one's budding sexuality, I must say.

At the time, I didn't at all appreciate that nuns are about the LEAST qualified people on the planet to explain male sexuality, so I gave them more credit than I should have. Did I stop? Nonononono! I did something more Catholic. I felt guilty and worried about retribution!

One day, affectionately fondling my pal and taking new information about my anatomy into account, I began to wonder where exactly a foreskin was supposed to go. I knew mine had been cut off, but I was a little short on the details and wasn't sure where it had been cut off from. I started stretching the skin looking for scars, and "OH MY GOD! I've got some kind of rash! What are those bumps? OH SHITOHSHITOHSHIT! I should have listened to Sister Helen. OH SHIT! What is this? What have I done to myself?"

There were widely spaced, subtle bumps all over my penis. If you just left it alone, they were barely visible, but if you stretched the skin back, there they were! Proof positive that I had thrown away this gift from God, had been impure, and, despite that fact that he had been very discrete, had been watched by God, by every saint, by every angel and by every dead relative peering down from Heaven every time I jerked off. I was petrified and mortified.

So I stopped. I checked the rash every day. Nothing changed. It didn't get itchy, it didn't get worse, and but it didn't get any better either. At least I had stopped its progress!

I tried confession. Based on the penance, the priest didn't seem to think it was that big a deal. I was too embarrassed to mention the rash.

After about six weeks, I had my annual physical. There is no way I was going to mention this in front of either of my parents, but maybe, just maybe, I could get the Good Doctor alone. I saw him in church every Sunday, be even so, he was a Man of Science. Perhaps Science had a way out of my eternal damnation that was stronger than the priest's medicine of ten Hail Mary's.

Amazingly, my mom left me with the doctor by myself. I think that was a first. We went through the whole exam, and everything seemed fine to him. WTF? Was he freakin' blind? My dick was about three orgasms from falling off, and he didn't see it?

We got to the end of the exam. He asked me to get dressed. I finally mustered up the courage and said, "Uh doc. There was something I wanted to ask you about." He did a quick double-take, then his face settled down almost as if he had ben through this before. "I have this, uh, kinda rash or something on my, uh, on my ... you know." He put on his calm, reassuring face, the one I'm sure he saves for cancer patients, and said, "Earth, son, why don't you just show me?" So I produced my penis, stretched the skin a little bit, and showed him the bumps - "See, there ... and there. There's another one."

I looked at him for a reaction. His face was easy to read, but hard to figure out. There was sympathy in it, but he was clearly holding something back. The suppressed smirk seemed something inappropriate. "Those are - ahem" He tried to start talking, but had to stop. His voice cracked, he coughed. He was having some real trouble getting this out. I knew it must be something awful!

He took a couple moments, collected himself and then started again, now with an obvious smirk on his face, "Earthshiva, you're becoming a man. Obviously, things are changing down there. Those bumps you are seeing a nothing but hair follicles, they're perfectly normal." He paused while the wave of relief and, of course, more embarrassment washed over me, and then continued, "There will be more changes. You're young and the process take a few years before its really complete. My advice to you is to not look to closely at everything that happens, and just accept that everything is going fine unless something starts to really hurt. There are a lot of myths about becoming a man, but you don't have anything to worry about. It's going to happen the same way no matter what you do." He gave me a bit of a knowing look as he said, "no matter what you do."

So that was that. As soon as I figured out that I was going to live and someday might still be able to have a family, I started getting really pissed off at the nuns. The next year, I had a male, lay catechism teacher. Halfway through the year, I gave the poor guy a fat lip when he tried to break up a fight between me and another boy in the class. The boy and I were friends again by school on Monday, but this seemed as good a time as any to make a break with the Catholic church. Since then I have shed about two third of my guilt, formed a deeper, more loving relationship with the Divine, and still have the little bumps. Don't worry. They're perfectly normal, and so am I. Except, perhaps, for a persistent aversion to women who dress in black and white.

rm_gerson42 52M
2419 posts
7/27/2006 9:16 am

My response to the beginning was going to be, this is a little more information than perhaps I wanted to know from EarthShiva. But gotta say, see some simularities, not in the specifics but the generalities. The end part got me laughing pretty good.
ger - (Commenting freely and without expectation.)

sexyariesgirl 57F

7/27/2006 4:36 pm

I loved this story Earth!

Power To FOK

TheCliticals 34F/F

7/28/2006 1:09 am

And do you still eat fish on Fridays?

Thanks also for your support recently

earthShiva replies on 7/28/2006 9:27 am:
Funny you should mention that. I love fish! Post-college, I used to work in a fish market/restaurant and would eat fish two meals a day all week. Friday was the only day when I wouldn't eat fish.

Eating fish used to be considered very healthy. Now they're telling us to limit our consumption due to mercury and PCB contamination, so I've had to adjust. Fortunately, I've found other fishy flavored alternatives.

You're welcome. Please take care of each other. You two have somethng special. Don't blow it by getting knocked off your center by outside attention, not even from people like me.

rm_goddess1946 105F
13518 posts
7/29/2006 10:00 pm

Damn Shiva..
that would keep me away from your shrubs too!

as for fish..
I love fish

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...

TheRealThing655 48F
9558 posts
7/30/2006 9:25 am

Well that was a great story, so well written, and descriptive.
Loved it!!

amoldenough 69F
16436 posts
8/9/2006 4:57 pm

This is my first time reading your blog, and I love it! It is funny and so true to life. I originally checked you out because someone mentioned your vasectomy blog. Now I will be a regular reader.

"Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened."

earthShiva 59M

8/10/2006 2:16 am

    Quoting amoldenough:
    This is my first time reading your blog, and I love it! It is funny and so true to life. I originally checked you out because someone mentioned your vasectomy blog. Now I will be a regular reader.
Glad to hear some of the earlier posts are getting read! All too often, I pick up on new folks and don't look at their first works. It makes sense that this would often be their most burining messages.

Are you or someone you know considering a vasectomy? If anyone is considering getting a vasectomy and reads my blog, I'd better get liability insurance!

Anyway, welcome! I suspect I'll pick up enough working material from this weekend to keep things rolling for awhile!

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