Fallen Comrades  

earthShiva 59M
270 posts
7/17/2006 4:31 am

Last Read:
7/31/2006 5:51 am

Fallen Comrades

Over the last several weeks, some of my favorite bloggers have either disappeared or have said their goodbyes and distanced themselves from Blogsville.

I am sad to see these people go. I have enjoyed them, and felt a connection with them. At the same time, I recognize that their departure may very well be healthy. Some have apparently found what they are looking for. Others have concluded that they have milked this environment for what it is worth, and are on to something new.

But there is more. I get a sense that there is something more at work here that causes some of these people to make a definitive break. I get the sense that they find something dark and obsessive in blogging here. Something that requires they take an all or nothing approach to it.

Is it the video screen? My kids can get the same way about computer games, to the point I have to shut the darn thing off. Television can get equally obsessive, to the point many people schedule their lives around it. Then, of course, there's the subject matter we focus on here. THAT can certainly dominate a person's thought, now can't it?

Even so, I seem to have no trouble walking away from it all when there's a better option for my amusement.

How about you? Do you find AdultFriendFinder blogging a little obsessive? Not entirely healthy?

Do you perceive a time when you will need to limit yourself, or make a break entirely?

If so, how long will it take before you've had enough?

sexyariesgirl 57F

7/17/2006 4:53 am

Oh yeah! At times it IS like an obsession....there was a time in my life, before I discovered blogging, that I was totally addicted to the internet...PERIOD....NOT HEALTHY! But I have since gotten a much better grip on my real life so it isn't the problem it once was.

I do limit myself most of the time, and if I have other things to do I can walk away from it. I think there will probably come a time when I will leave, but I don't see it happening anytime soon! lol

Power To FOK

earthShiva replies on 7/20/2006 11:04 pm:
I think you've hit the crux of the issue with addictive behavior in general. If there's something else to turn to in one's life, there is no need for soemthing to get its hooks into you exclusively. Some of this is circustance, and some of it is personality.

TheCliticals 34F/F

7/17/2006 5:02 am

We seem to get by easily because one or the other of us is usually thinking of something to blog on about. Lately Dee hasnt felt very happy and is taking a break from posting but will be doing some of the comments on other blogs. I seem to fit blogging in between everything else and I still enjoy it, with a only a few downers so far. If it becomes obsessive Dee will tell me, count on it

earthShiva replies on 7/20/2006 11:07 pm:
I hope Dee is feeling better. I'm sorry she had a bad time at work. It seems you have a built in distraction away from blogging. IF fact, I have to give you credit for ever getting there at all. (Although I still think the two of you are one gay man...)

MoonRise9 58M

7/17/2006 6:11 am

Do you find AdultFriendFinder blogging a little obsessive? DEFINITELY Not entirely healthy? I GO BACK AND FORTH ON THIS ONE

Do you perceive a time when you will need to limit yourself, YUP
or make a break entirely? GIVEN THE BACKROOM THINGS I've learned recently about some bloggers, the loss of my regular blogging buddies may result in a full break anyhow.

If so, how long will it take before you've had enough? EVERYTHING HAS IT'S OWN TIME, not for me to know.

earthShiva replies on 7/20/2006 11:09 pm:
"Backroom things"? Sounds like blogfodder right there! Change the names to protect the (un)innocent, and spill it, boyfriend!

CB_2 51F

7/17/2006 3:58 pm

Given that I already know I'm obsessive by nature, it's no surprise to me that I find blogging on AdultFriendFinder is quite consuming of my life. I must try not to let it be.

I'm hopeful I have found what I was looking for here, and if that is so, I will probably move on quite soon. I do enjoy the blogging though.

Blogito ergo sum.

earthShiva replies on 7/20/2006 11:20 pm:
I do hope you have found what you are looking for here, but I hope you stick around anyway for separate reasons. I'm not looking for anything new on the sexual frontier, but I find great enjoyment in the community of open-minded, uninhibited people here in blogsville.

happyladychat 47F
3740 posts
7/18/2006 1:43 am

Like you, I have no problem walking away from blogging provided I can find substitute amusement. Currently, I'm into yoga and online games.... so I'm taking a break from blogging. But I still find myself logging on regularly to check on things in Blogland. I wonder why....

Make it your challenge.... turn me ON!!

earthShiva replies on 7/20/2006 11:25 pm:
Online games? That's a bit like saying, "I don't have a problem with weed. My crack schedule keeps it from being a problem."

My nephew fell in love on a gaming site with a woman in Korea. He hadn't even bothered with a driver's license by 19, but flew there, stayed for several months, and eventually brought her back to the US and married her, despite the fact that she still speaks almost no English. Very romantic story, but also kind of weird. Hope you find someone here instead. Great sex has more longevity than most other games.

blueguy1051 60M

7/19/2006 6:38 pm

I think some people get a little too involved with other people here. The same sort of thing you might see at your corner pub, but a bit less healthy when the person is hundreds or thousands of miles away. When these relationships go south, one person or both feel hurt and distance themselves from the environment where the pain is most intense.

Others, I think, discover they are neglecting their real life and have to take a break to get their shit together.

Someone asked me recently if I thought we might be able to do a meet of local bloggers, but there's not too many of us ...

earthShiva replies on 7/20/2006 11:31 pm:
"Too involved"? Jeez! My intention is to stick my penis in them. That's a little involved.

Seriously, though. I have a (very) gay cousin who jsut moved to NYC and has started dating on one of the, er, less direct dating sites. He says they have an implicit standard format - the "one hour". You agree to get together for a one hour meeting. No sex. No emails. Figure out if the chemistry is there FIRST. Emailing back and forth confounds the process because people do get emotionally invested, then find out the chmeistry isn't there. Interesting that one of the more staid dating sites would take this more mercenary attitude. Perhaps it is so because the stakes are higher if one is looking for a "relationship" rather than a good sex partner. Ironic that the approach here would be more innocent, don't you think?

SensualBlueMale 40M
90 posts
7/19/2006 7:34 pm

1. I don't have an access to internet at home, 2. the problem of finding a partner in person isn't as much as before, and 3. I'm addicted to hobbies. Perhaps I don't enough experience to get the feeling that AdultFriendFinder is obsessive or unhealthly.

Yet I keep on coming back to the site to check blogs like yours whenever is possible. (What a great writer you are! Could relate to some of your writings and at times knew I could challenge you but hadn't found the courage to do so).

Soo... quite the opposite I think! Blogging's can be healthy because people like me get chances to refine our thoughts, to be bold in communication, and observe/learn social skills that we missed back in HS. Aside to the personal growth, we also get to see different cultural perspectives, which may raise our understanding of others' values of opinions. But then again, perhaps these values come from deaf cutlure since I'm a Deaf adult.

P.S. Have you ever thought about having a debate on gender AND culture as opposed to just gender in relate to sex issues?

earthShiva replies on 7/20/2006 11:49 pm:
PLEASE have the courage to challenge me! I am a bullshit artist par excellence, and am at my best when someone forces me to put aside my pride and be a little mnore real.

I would imagine the comparative isolation of deafness would make the blogging world just a little more familiar, and thus a little less dangerous than it is for those of us who can communicate with people round us more cavalierly. I think that the non-deaf culture tends to take simple, thoughtless communication for granted. Blogging, like lip-reading or signing, requires a certain personal investment in the communication that is unfamiliar and a much greater invetment.

Gender and culture introcuses a lot of variables, but is a worthwhile discussion. I have known a number of Deaf men, but no deaf women. (
I used to wait tables near Gallaudet University. There were some VERY attractive women there, but they were summarily dismissive of any overtures... ) To date, I haven't seen anyone tackle racial, cultural or nationalistic issues other than obliquely. I think it's time for you to start a blog! Do it and let me know, and you'll make my watch list, I promise!

EroticallyRapt 55M
336 posts
7/19/2006 11:43 pm

I believe that I can speak to this issue with some experience. I was an active blogger back in the day. Not as successful as some others on this site. But, I was the most active here in New Mexico for a while until DaphneR joined us. I've been taking a break for about 9 months, now. Why? Well, it was a combination of things. Number one being that I had met someone and was spending most of my free time with her. So, it became harder and harder to keep up with everyone else's blogs and come up with ideas for my own. But, that wasn't the only reason. I needed to take a step back and take a good look at what blogging was doing for me personally. I was a little obsessed. It sort of comes with the territory. It takes time to manage a blog, respond to comments, vist other blogs, make comments, etc... But, you know what? I miss it. So, I'm trying to get back into it. Most of the people who were here then are gone now. But, there's lots more to take their places. It's good to see there's more than just a few in New Mexico these days, too. I was the only active blogger here for a long time. It sounds like you're doing a great job, earthShiva. Keep it up!

earthShiva replies on 7/21/2006 12:00 am:
Central to the dilemma you had is the implicit obligation to an audience. Mine is sufficiently small that it represents no burden, so I haven't confronted the isssue. If I were getting 30-50 comments per post, it would become more of a burden.

But really, why? Is there really an implicit obligation to respond to comments? That seems a little dysfunctional, if it inhibits us fro putting our thoughts our there in the first place.

rm_gerson42 52M
2419 posts
7/20/2006 11:00 pm

I for one have disappeared for a week or two at a time. When I had extra time on my hands I began to climb in those polls and notice it. But... subsequently realized that wasn't why I was here. I was here to write and make some acquaintences. Life is balance. There is an order.

earthShiva replies on 7/21/2006 12:03 am:
... and I have envied your popularity. But the demon of pride is in that, so I check myself when I seek validation. You are wise to return so readily to your core purpose. If others were to do so, the obsessive issue would be nullified for them.

mycin62 54F

7/31/2006 3:34 am

HELL YEAH this place is addicting!!! I find myself spending way to much time here. I usaually take a break for a week or so and then come back. When I find myself adding way to many blogs to my watched list I do the slash and burn. I always try to get around to visiting other bloggers who have commented on mine and if I like their blog I'll add it to my list. This way keeps my list fresh, of course I have my old stand-bys that I can't live without.

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