Why Do Women Like Me . . .  

duststormdiva 51F
7253 posts
9/21/2005 11:51 pm

Last Read:
1/20/2008 11:18 am

Why Do Women Like Me . . .

Like married men?

After my tender heart had been crushed, bruised, and shattered for the last time I decided that I didn’t need to hate men; I just had to change my views. After all I am still a healthy young lady with a very high sex drive. I didn’t come to this decision on my own hell, I was not even thinking of targeting married men when it happened for the first time.

I was at a night club and there was an unusual amount of African American men there. Apparently there was some type of family get together. This tall gorgeous man asked me to dance and I agreed to do so. We were out on the dance floor and he pulls me close and whispers to me, “I am going to take you home tonight.” I looked up at this tall gorgeous creature and laughed, “Yeah right.” In my drunken and low self-esteem mind, I was thinking I was not good enough to be in his presence in the bar let alone in his naked presence. My self-esteem was pretty low and I never thought any one as handsome as him would EVER be interested in poor little ugly me.

The night went on and he found me amongst the crowd again and pulls me close and whispers, “You’re still here.”

I smile and I replied, “So are you.”

“I am going to take you home tonight.”

“Sure you are!” I nodded knowing that there was NO way in hell I would ever score with a man like him.

He takes my hand and leads me to the dance floor. No one else was on the dance floor but us. Suddenly, I felt my face flush as he pulled me close and put his knee in between my legs and grinded his knee against my crotch. I glanced around and saw that we were the only ones on the dance floor and all eyes were on us. I looked up into his beautiful brown eyes, and slid my hand around his waist, he pulled me closer. There I was dancing with this handsome, sexy man, his knee firmly against my crotch and his arm around me. If there was ever a dirty dance, this was it. We stared each other in the eyes as we finished our dance. At one point in time, my hand slid down to his ass, his rock hard ass. It was then my knees went weak and I knew I was his.

Frustrated I excused myself after we finished dancing and I went to the ladies room. I found my friend there, who was working on her own little adventure for the night. We had always agreed that if we went some place together we left together. Tonight was no exception, except for a small detour we were both going to take.

Upon exiting the ladies room I found my gorgeous black creature and came up behind him and slid my hand under his arm. He looked down at me and said, “What is it you are doing? You never asked if I was married or anything.” I slid my hand down his arm and intertwined my fingers with his and lifted his left hand. There on his left ring finger was a ring. I let go of his hand and looked up at him and said, “I am not the one who has been hitting on you all night.” I walked away.

He followed me outside and we began to talk. He again told me how much he wanted me. I told him it was not going to happen if he was married. He kissed me and my knees weakened more than ever before. He said he was very happily married but needed something different now and then. He lives in Phoenix and for the next two years when he was in town, I was available when he called.

I knew he was married, I knew he was not going to leave his wife; I knew our relationship was just for sex, I knew that I could not allow my heart to get involved. I knew my heart would be protected because I could not allow myself to fall in love. During that time, I built a titanium wall around my heart. I had to protect it before I was too severely damaged. He and I just stopped seeing each other one day when my guilt of our relationship got the best of me. I felt bad for sleeping with a married man. I didn’t want to hurt his wife. I didn’t want to break up his family. I took a silly vow of celibacy.

It wasn’t long after that when my second married lover came into my life. He left me a message on the Y! chat program telling me he found me on the Y! communities. He was interested in meeting me. He was upfront and honest and told me he was married from the get go. I turned him down, telling him that I was not interested in fooling around with a married man. He was persistent and continued to try to convince me that we needed to meet. I was still being celibate and honored my vow. Eventually, he stopped contacting me. It was now about a year into vow of celibacy.

About a year and a half later, and still sticking to my vow of celibacy my hormones were raging beyond belief! Again, I got a message on Y! chat and low and behold it was this man. He reminded me who he was and what he told me. I am a nice person and I chatted with him. I asked him why he was willing to step out on his marriage. He told me basically the same thing my first married lover told me. He was happy in his marriage, but he needed more. His wife didn’t give him sex as often as he needed it. Well, my will power to stay celibate was weakening and I was wearing out my vibrating shower head from water-bating so much. Hesitantly, about six months later I agreed to meet him with no promise of sex.

He came to my work and we talked for awhile and agreed we needed to go for a ride. I followed him to the place where we ended up meeting for the next 15 months or so. I climbed up into his truck and we drove into the desert. He held my hand and kissed me and I was his. Over two years of celibacy it didn’t take much to seduce me. Again, I knew my heart could not get involved. I am not a hateful person. I don’t do things so selfishly that I would want him to leave his wife for me. I would have a hard time dealing with it if our affair was discovered, but I would have even more of a hard time dealing with the fact that I hurt her. The fact that I was the reason a family was destroyed.

Discretion and timing were always considered when meeting him. Constantly, I asked him if he thought his wife suspected anything. Always, he answered no but was concerned that soon she might find out. Again, I am the one who pulled out of this relationship, fearing that his wife would get hurt.

I then found AdultFriendFinder. AdultFriendFinder is another tale in itself, in which, I found, yet, another married man. Why do I let myself become involved with married men? I know I can never fall in love and so therefore my heart is protected. For me, it’s safe. My heart will never know pain again from a lover, or a boyfriend as long as I stick with the married ones. My fear of being hurt drives me into the arms of married men. It’s nothing I am proud of, yet, it’s nothing I am ashamed of either. I decided a long time ago to stop feeling guilty for the choices I make.

Married men and women are all over this site. What is it that makes you step outside of your marriage?

If you are the “other person” why do you spend time with married men or women?


toothysmile 50M
16515 posts
9/22/2005 1:22 am

What a wonderful post Dusty! So full of emotion, so full of humanity...

I am afraid your questions will go unanswered; I just can't think of an answer to those questions. Perhaps there are some parts of us that we don't understand. Perhaps, sometimes we do things for a reason so deep that we 're afraid to explore it? Who knows?...

duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
9/22/2005 6:47 pm

I know my excuse for doing it, I am not sure that could be considered a reason. To each their own.


keithcancook 60M
17855 posts
9/23/2005 5:58 am

Some attractions are just too much for us to refuse it seems.

toothysmile 50M
16515 posts
9/23/2005 6:59 am

Still, it 's great to be able to share such intimate things and exchange views. This post means a lot to me, as you know you do too.

duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
9/23/2005 5:10 pm

keithcancook, agreed.


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
9/23/2005 5:11 pm

toothysmile, with my second married lover I realized why his wife no longer liked sex with him. Maybe one day he will open his eyes and see what he has done wrong to fuck up.


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
9/24/2005 2:39 pm


Was he in the same town as you? I worry about that. I live in such a small community and we have to be very very discreet. Careful consideration is always taken when we decide to meet.


MiAmore62 49M

9/25/2005 10:58 am

You never have to commit and oyu said it yourself....you wont ever get hurt again or seomthignto that effect....maybe you should re read your METH post and get the balls that that kid had and stop........ waddya think? She used meth for the same reason your using married men..... sound slie your student has more balls.... and.................a hyprocrite teacher! Just THINK about it and ont get defensive........ no pain no gain.......

Synn74 42F
1206 posts
9/25/2005 2:49 pm

Dusty..I Have been in love with a married man for 13 months..( I am married too ) we met here although we have never met our relationship is as intense as any other..without sex..lol

Sometimes we just are drawn to someone regardless of life situations
and it doesn't make us weak ....

MiAmore I don't believe Diva was asking a true question just a retorhical one ... no need to come here and be so rude about it sheesh

I welcome you to the House of Syn...

duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
9/25/2005 4:45 pm

MiAmore62, I appreciate your point of view, thanks. I can't see the comparison between meth addiction and having sex with a married man. I am not addicted, I can stop anytime I want to. I just don't want to.

A hypocrite, you may think so, and I can respect your point of view, but I don't have to agree with it. But, I am curious if you have a definition of hypocrite that I have not read.


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
9/25/2005 4:48 pm

Synn74 Thanks for coming to my defense. I would be ignorant to think that my post would not offend someone. That's okay, we are all intitled to our opinion. But you know what they say about opinions. *wink*

I am not here to gain popularity, I blog because it's my journal. I welcome any and all comments.

Good luck with your friend.



9/28/2005 11:23 am

Where as i am relatively young at 34 during my twenties a string of women pretty much crushed me when i dated i had blinders on i wouldnt even think to look at another woman but still my girlfriends and i would be intimate and then boom it was over between us no answer sometimes not even a good bye... then it came to me sex is not love it can be construed as love or as a sign of love but it is not ..... love is something more intangible and in many ways immutable.

I think its good that you protect yourself diva and if i called you a hypocrite i would be one myself as i have stepped out on my marriage a few times. as for why i do it my wife sates me emotionally and to a point sexually but she is submissive and sometimes i need a firm hand and she knows this and accepts that and my other fetishs as long as i tell her i am going to do something.

your heart and mind are in the right place
just my 2 cents

duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
9/28/2005 11:13 pm

Thanks funguynoDak! It's good to get input from the mans point of view.


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