Red Flags and Titanium Walls  

duststormdiva 51F
7253 posts
7/16/2005 1:43 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Red Flags and Titanium Walls

About five years ago I met a man I had known from online. I met him at a night club on Thursday. He asked me to go out on an official date with him the next day. I was not really attracted to him, but he was nice and I felt safe with him so I agreed.

He came to my house the next day with roses in hand. He had bought me a DOZEN roses. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love flowers as much as the next girl, but a dozen roses on the first date, to me, is over kill. I thanked him, and put them in a vase and we were on our way.

We ate dinner at this little Mexican restaurant. The food was good, and I have enjoyed meals from there many times since then. After dinner we went back to the night club we met at the night before. We found a table as the place had not filled up too quickly. I just love to watch people so I sat back and observed. He asked me to dance a few times, and then it finally came... the dreaded moment that really set off the red flags... he dedicated a song to me, Amazed by Lonestar. While we were dancing he whispered to me, “I could easily fall in love with you.” I pulled back and told him, “That is the last thing you want to tell me.”

Okay, now there were not only red flags but there were titanium walls being constructed right between us. I was pretty uncomfortable for the rest of the night; however, I did give it a fair shot. I dated him for two or three months. My children loved him and enjoyed his company, and they kept asking when I was going to marry him. What was holding me back? He is as nice as could be, and he loved me like no one ever has, and he loved my children. It just was not there I liked him well enough. But it could never be more than a friendship. I held back because he lacked hygiene care both physically and dental. He had no ambition. He was happy with his minimum paying jobs; he could barely support himself, let alone a woman with three kids. I was happy for him when he said he was going to college. He lasted a semester and quit for another minimum paying job.

I could have dealt with the hygiene issues, by encouraging him that it is not pleasant. I could have gently reminded him that a woman loves a clean man who takes time to cleanse his body and mouth, could have been the resolution to the problem that prevented me from kissing him. His had great intentions, but his priorities were mixed up. An education is very important to me. There is no reason he had to quit college to work.

A few months after we parted company he saw me at a night club. I was sitting at the bar and he came up behind me, leaned against me and put his hands on either side of me, he leaned down and whispered into my ear, “Do you have a curfew?” I smiled and said, “No, why?” He suggested that he and I get together for the night. Politely I declined. Not even two weeks later, a mutual friend of ours told me he had just gotten married. I was in shock, not that he got married, but because only two weeks previous he was hitting on me!

He is pretty miserable in his current marriage, but sticks in there for some odd reason. I know he still loves me, yet he knows I will never love him. I see him weekly at the bar I go to sing karaoke at. He talks to me and hugs me and occasionally makes advances on me, only to be stopped rather abruptly.

Red Flags that turned in to titanium walls, dozen roses, dedicated love song, and the Phrase, “I could easily fall in love with you.” all in the first date. I don’t know about the rest of the ladies, but it was just a little fast for me.


Tala4u2 54M  
2961 posts
7/16/2005 7:28 pm

Thats the advantage of education, it gives the knowledge to know what is good bad and indifferent.

Tala, Wizard of The Kingdom of BooBoBia, DEITY,

PillsburyCodeBoy 60M

7/17/2005 5:22 pm

I think your instincts were and continue to be absolutely, 100% correct. On top of the other problems with this guy you mention, for him to bring up all of those things on a first date just shows a lack of basic social skills.

duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
7/20/2005 2:10 am

Tala, I have to agree with you.

PCB, He still shows lack of basic social skills, and he still thinks that he can seduce me. *gag*


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