It seemed to happen so fast.  

duststormdiva 51F
7253 posts
7/26/2005 11:30 am

Last Read:
6/29/2007 12:30 pm

It seemed to happen so fast.


With all the extra stress that I had been going through with my father I decided that I would take a night off and go away with a friend of mine. He offered to come here and we would just stay in town in case anything happened to my father while I was away. We had an absolutely fabulous time. I had asked my sons girlfriend to stay the night to help my son with him. She had worked in a nursing home and I knew that he would be in good hands.

My Dad loved the song Just Another Walk with Thee sung by Patsy Cline and he kept asking for it in the previous weeks. He kept insisting he had it in his collection of cassette tapes. He had it, but I kept over looking it when I went through his tapes. My nephew found the song in dads’ collection. I did find it online and downloaded it. I probably played that song 100 times when I found it. The night I was gone the song kept going through my head. It was odd, yet comforting. I thought of my father all night.

I returned home around 9:00 in the morning and went directly into his room. He was leaning over and it looked as if he might be falling out of bed. I said, “Hi Dad, you’re falling out of bed. Let me straighten you up.”

“Oh, hi.” he said.

“How are you this morning? Are you ready for your meds?”

“I can’t take my medication right now.”

“That’s okay, Dad, just when you are ready, but I think that you need your morphine.”

“I think you might be right.”

It was routine for me to give him his morphine elixir and bite of ice cream and a drink of water. Today was different; he didn’t have the strength to bring anything up to his lips. So I fed it to him.

He said, “If anyone comes to see me today don’t let them wake me up, just let me sleep. I love you.”

“Okay, Daddy. I love you too. I’ll be back in to check in on you in a little bit.”

I went to my room and got on the computer so I could finish up some homework and do some blogging. In the meantime my children started waking up. My son and his girlfriend went on the back porch to smoke, and my eight year old daughter came and said, “It looks like Granddad is falling out of bed.” My son jumped up and went into his room. Soon he came back and said, “Mom I need your help. Granddad threw up.” My daughter said, “Mom, Granddad looks freaky, I am scared.” I told her to stay in the other room while I took care of him.

I went into his room and said, “Dad are you okay?” He was not responding, yet he was still breathing. My son helped me straighten my father up in his bed, and I started cleaning the vomit off of him. I called hospice and told them he was out of it and was not responding to anything. When I hung up the phone, I looked at my son and told him, “This is it you know, he is dying.” Matt nodded his head and tears welled up in his eyes. His girlfriend was there and already had tears falling down her face.

“Do you think we should call the girls in here so they can say goodbye to him?” I asked.

“No.” Matt replied. “Yes, I think they do need to say goodbye to him.”

Just then, Dad took a deep breath, his eyes opened and then slowly closed, he was gone.

I looked at his girlfriend and asked her to please go get the girls. As they approached the door they stopped, afraid to enter. I saw the fear in their eyes as they filled with tears. I encouraged them to come in and say goodbye to their grandfather he was dying. My oldest daughter who is 12 came in first, and she touched his arm and said, “Goodbye Granddad. I love you.” She then quickly turned to me and cried on my shoulder. I held her for a minute then coaxed my baby daughter, who is eight, in by his side. “I love you Granddad.” She started crying and put her head on my chest. My sons’ girlfriend asked if she should take them out. I told her yes.

Hospice had not yet arrived and I called them again and the receptionist told me that the hospice nurse was out; she was going to get lunch and then was going to see a patient. I asked her if she would call her and let her know that I need her right away, because my father had passed. The hospice nurse was there in about ten minutes. She took his vitals and pronounced him D.O.A. at 12:10 pm.

I called a few family members and close friends and asked them to please call anyone else they could think of. I had not made arrangements with a funeral home and had to decide who was going to take care of my fathers’ body. He will be cremated and there won’t be a funeral, he always told me he didn’t want one, but I will have a family gathering.

Yesterday, amazingly enough, I was strong and I remained happy in spirits. My house was filled with people, the door was revolving and the phone kept ringing. Now and then I would get sad, but at other times I was relieved. I felt guilty for feeling relieved. He had been so sick for such a long time and taking care of him was not an easy task. He is better now and not suffering.

This morning I woke up at 7:30 after nine hours of uninterrupted sleep. I felt good to have rested, I can’t remember the last time I slept that long without waking up or being woke up. Then the tears started flowing and have not stopped since.

I love you Dad! I am going to miss you!

DustStormDiva



GoddessOfTheDawn 105F
11240 posts
7/26/2005 12:53 pm

Condoleances on the loss of your dad. Mine passed away last month, tho under different circumstances.

Celebrate his life. All the best for the family gathering ....


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/26/2005 1:14 pm

Diva I too am teary eyed. Bless you for all you have done for him. You are every parent's dream, a loving caring child. For the rest of your life he'll smile upon you and you will smile for what you have done. You were there.

Peace be with you and your loved ones my dear.

[blog talldarkavg1]


nightstogether 56M

7/26/2005 1:20 pm

It's right to miss him, and it's right to mourn. You had the chance to say goodbye and tell him how much you love him, and he had the same chance. Remember that, and remember that he'll also have been grateful for your love right up to the last moment and would want you to move on with him still in your heart and in your life as a memory.

nightstogether
private-intellectual (.de)


PillsburyCodeBoy 60M

7/26/2005 1:25 pm

I'm so very sorry.


CuteAZguy27 39M
1545 posts
7/26/2005 2:03 pm

Your children love you, and you have good friends who care for you just as much as well. You have a shoulder everywhere you turn, whether its in blogland or face to face with nothing to say except silence and the presence of someone being silent with you.

You don't have to be the one who is strong for everyone else, its ok to mourn and show the tears even to the ones who are hurt as well.

Well said [blog talldarkavg1]-you know i still remember the comments that [blog talldarkavg1] and yourself duststormdiva made when i posted the blog on the passing of my dad on June 9th "Another year without him" its well over a month since i made that blog, yet the encouraging comments of the 2 of you still exist in my thoughts today, and because we both have it blogged on this site, when we are down we can easily come back to this post and be encouraged when no one is a phone call of a distance.

-CuteAZguy27


itsallfun1957 59M

7/26/2005 2:19 pm

I'm truly sorry.


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
7/26/2005 8:40 pm

GTD, talldark, nights, PCB, Cute, and itsallfun, thanks to all of you.

DustStormDiva


CaboWaboVHnut 56M
637 posts
7/26/2005 10:57 pm

Dusty, I understand your term,"it seemed to happen so fast". I saw my Dad on a Thursday afternoon, my daughter was almost 2 at the time, we were leaving for me to get ready for work. We both gave him a hug, and said " see you tomorrow ", I went to work, got home at 3 a.m., my baby woke up, so I rocked her, and we both fell asleep in the chair. At 7:30 a.m., my Mom called to tell me Dad had passed out and an ambulance was on the way. Before I could even get to the hospital, my sister-in-law called to tell us he was gone. So you see, each and every hug is special, because you don't know when it'll be the last one! Peace and love to your family. Don't forget you have family here in blogland also! Blog us when you need us!!! Cabo.


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
7/27/2005 8:43 am

It's funny that you mention hugs because he was always wanting his hugs, kisses, and I love you's before we left his room.

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
7/27/2005 8:46 am

Goddess, My condolences to you too, honey. The invitation to his gathering says, "A Celebration of His Life." It's going to be a fun one.

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
7/27/2005 8:47 am

talldark, you have always been one of my biggest supporters. Thanks for your tears and supprt.

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
7/27/2005 8:48 am

nightstogether, yes he will be with me and he will walk with me through the rest of my life. That man dedicated his life to me and my kids more than he needed to.

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
7/27/2005 8:49 am

Pillsbury, Thank you so very much!

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
7/27/2005 8:51 am

Cute, I broke down yesterday when my eight year old was laying in my bed. I was trying to be quiet, but she rolled over and put her arm around me and said, "Mommy, go ahead and let it out, it's good to cry. That's what you tell me and sissy all the time." I cried and she cried with me.

Then I got to thinking that if my children don't get to see all my emotions they are going to think they have to be like me. What a lesson learned.

Cute, thanks for being such a great friend.

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
7/27/2005 8:52 am

itsallfun, thank you!

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
7/27/2005 8:54 am

Cabo, It's funny that you mention hugs because he was always wanting his hugs, kisses, and I love you's before we left his room. He heard them while he was dying.

Never before had I ever touched a dead body, but I did his up till the morticians took him away.

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
7/28/2005 10:07 am

humboldthonni,

He has been with us. My daughter and I just held each other last night and reflected on memories with him. It was a good time. We laughed and we cried.

DustStormDiva


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