I Want More . . .  

duststormdiva 51F
7253 posts
12/21/2005 11:57 pm

Last Read:
6/6/2007 12:01 pm

I Want More . . .


Anyone who has read my blogs for some time now, knows that I am having an affair with a married man.

A while back I realised I was having strong feelings for him.

Tonight I told him that I was considering not seeing him anymore.

*sigh*

DustStormDiva



_Safira 53F
11260 posts
12/22/2005 3:17 am

Dear Dust ~ I feel so very much for you. I have been in your position AND in his before. Ultimately you must do what is best for you ... for YOUR self-worth, for YOUR self-respect, for YOUR happiness. Truthfully that's what each of us needs to do for ourselves. (That saying, "If Mama ain't happy ain't NOBODY happy" is very true, but holds for both sexes.) If you are not happy with yourself and FOR yourself, first, you're not going to be able to fully share your incredibly wonderful spirit with another. Please know I am here if you need to "tawlk." Blessings ~ Safira *gentle hugs*

This is my blog - Comes With Warning Labels. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

RECOMMENDED READING: A F F ... The Only Site For Me?


KC_JJ 53M

12/22/2005 4:14 am

Tonight I told him that I was considering not seeing him anymore.

This whole thing is news to me. That statement sounds sort of wishy washy. Are you certain you are not fishing for a specific response from him with this?

I mean if you went into this knowing that you'd keep your heart fully out of it and fully protected that's different. And if you have the capacity to do that I might think that you knew what you were doing getting involved with something like this.

But this nearly sounds like the classic "married guy" scenario which I feel certain you must know all to well. And if it is I can't see why anyone in their right mind would engage in such a thing because it's nearly always a hopeless and fruitless thing in which the woman will get strung along only to never really get anything out of it but a hell of a lot of frustration.

But I know nothing about your real situation. I am only going from the first hand stories I've heard from girls I know who have become involved in this type of a relationship. And none of them ever got whay they hoped to out of it in the end. That's not saying that all of them don't though but you do end up with a man who will most likely cheat you in that case.

Unless of course your relationship with this guy is all fine and OK with his wife. If it is she's most likely Dutch (or maybe French). They of any group of people seem to be able to swing fine with this sort of thing. Americans tend to quite terrible with dealing with it honestly and openly. You and this other marraige may be an exception. I know that they defintiely exist. Just look around on this site.

I do also realize that every situation is unique to the individuals involved in it.

But there is a "classic" married guy relationship scenario that is pretty damn consistent. I hope you are not involved in one of those for your own sake.

If so just be cleanly decisive and leave it immedtiately for everyones sake.

Please pardom me for really knowing nothing about the real situation though and totally generalizing like this.

i'm not passing judgement here just trying to make some guesses about it.

KC_JJ

MMM [ MMM


rm_willie8one2 70M
573 posts
12/22/2005 6:07 am

Some time back I was seeing a married woman when I was single that I loved more than anyone I had ever met up till then. She told me she loved me and wanted to marry me as soon as her divorce is final. When I asked her about it the last time I saw her she told me her priest told her she could not divorce her husband even if he was a drunk and beat her so bad she had to go to the hospital a number of times. When she told me that my heart broke and I resolved not to see her any more. A few years latter after I met the love of my life she called me to tell me her divorce would be final in a couple of months. My heart sunk but I had found someone to replace her in my mind and heart. I only wish the love of my life had not died so young as we were happily married for a number of years.

Sometimes we have to do something that hurts but is best in the long run.


mysteriesofme 44F

12/22/2005 11:43 am

I agree with willie.. although, this is my first time in your blog. Your heart maybe completely shattered girl in going.. but that's a great place to start and discover who you are again as you piece them back together.. and the right one will come along.... just work on yourself.. and let go. Cherish the moments and move forward. Respect yourself..you are worth it


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
12/22/2005 4:21 pm

_Safira I am not unhappy with myself. I made the decision to see him because I was looking for a no strings thing. He is a wonderful man and I will always respect him. I don't have any regrets for my relationship with him, except I let my feelings become involved. That was not supposed to happen. He has always left every aspect of our relationship to me. He let me decide if I wanted to see him. He let me decide if I really wanted to become intimate with him. Those decisions were my own, and he didn't do anything to encourage me.

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
12/22/2005 4:30 pm

KC_JJ I knew what his response was going to be. Although, it was not as I suspected it to be. I thought for sure that he would just be willing to break it off with me with out as much of a discussion. He told me he suspected I was falling for him, and he was worried because he didn't want me to get hurt. He told me that what ever I decide he would honor my decision. He has never been anything but respectful to me.

His wife does not know. She told him to get a girlfriend, but she didn't want to know.

This is not the classic married guy situation. That's what makes it so hard. I went into this fully knowing what was going on. I thought I could do this and leave the strong feelings out, I have before and thought I could do it again. I couldn't.

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
12/22/2005 4:32 pm

willie8one2 He has never uttered the "I love you" words, and I am not even sure that I even love him. I just know my emotions are involved and that is definitely not good. There is no point falling for a married man.

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
12/22/2005 4:49 pm

mysteriesofme my heart was breaking last night as I told him. He kept apologizing. But I explained to him that I wanted more, and I knew that I was not going to get that with him. He said, "...when I cant be there for you that is when I feel the worst like I am depriving someone of the things that you could be sharing with them."

He is one of the greatest men I know. He is a kind, caring, loving man. He is considerate and loving. I know this is contradictory of what he is doing to his wife, but one truly would never know unless they knew him like I do. He would never ever want to hurt her, and neither would I.

People are so quick to place judgement on people without really knowing the full situaion. I am not saying you are, so please don't think that is what I am implying. It is people in general who judge a situation without knowing. And this is such a controversial subject.

DustStormDiva


kats60 56F

12/22/2005 6:18 pm

were you tired of sharing him??? kat


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
12/22/2005 7:43 pm

kats60 I knew what I was getting into, I just want more. I can't have it.

DustStormDiva


kyplowboy22 61M

12/22/2005 9:21 pm

Do what you need to do for you, kid and the rest will take care of itself.


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
12/22/2005 11:10 pm

kyplowboy22 It's so hard to do. I talked to him tonight and he wanted to know if I decided on anything. I just can't make the decision I need to make. I am not ready to tell him good bye. I am surprised he has not ran away, yet.

DustStormDiva


slidein2meplz 61F
1994 posts
12/23/2005 7:26 am

I think the reason he hasn't run away is because he doesn't want to be out of your life. I understand how you feel. I've had my share of "married man"....and wanting more. Good luck with whichever way it turns out.

Merry Christmas Dusty to you and yours.

~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
12/23/2005 8:23 am

slidein2meplz I talked to him last night and I know he does not want me out of his life. Being selfish, I don't want to be out of his life either. I told him he could decide, but decided that was not fair to him.

DustStormDiva


kyplowboy22 61M

12/23/2005 9:19 am

Well, hon, the biggest step has been taken, like it or not. He now knows that things are different between you. That you are looking for something more than he can or will offer you. That train has already left the station. Maybe you should stay friends with him if he wants that and you do too, but he needs to understand that you ARE looking for more fulfillment in your life and you WILL eventually find it. He needs to be prepared for that inevitability as well as you.


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
12/23/2005 4:43 pm

kyplowboy22 I guess I didn't read this one when we talked earlier today. I made the call and I made up my mine. Just as I told you I was going to do. Thanks for being a support to me.

DustStormDiva


kyplowboy22 61M

12/23/2005 7:02 pm

k, anytime kid.


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
12/23/2005 11:06 pm

kyplowboy22 you are such a great friend, and I cherish your friendship.

DustStormDiva


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