He's Married  

duststormdiva 51F
7253 posts
11/6/2005 12:13 am

Last Read:
1/20/2008 11:10 am

He's Married

This post was inspired by mzhunyhole's blog [post 135028] where she asks is it considered cheating if your significant other has an affair with someone from the same sex. Or if you are in a same sex relationship and your partner has sex with someone of the opposite sex, is it considered cheating.

My question is, if a mans wife tells him to find a girlfriend, so he does. But the wife does not want to know if he found one, is that considered cheating?


DustStormDiva



expatbrit49 62M

11/6/2005 7:22 am

rofl, no thats the wife being a dumb Ass

Thank You for Your Time and Attention


Serena_cd_slut

11/6/2005 7:45 am

Cheating is generally thought of as sneaking around and hiding your activities from your significant other. if your spouse or gf says go play but i dont want to know about it; then either she knows her man will come home to her or she is doing the same either way it will come down to a persons own view of what cheating on their spouse is.

My own personal view is no it is not cheating because in this instance the wife is saying yes you can have your cake and eat it too so there must be an immense amount of trust or something in the relationship


kyplowboy22 61M

11/6/2005 7:59 am

Nope..."get yourself a girlfriend, but just don't tell me about it", if he follows the ground rules, how can it be cheating? Later

kpb


slidein2meplz 62F
1994 posts
11/6/2005 8:27 am

Woo hoo, mzhuny has sure inspired many, many deep thoughts and questions with her post...Slidein2meplz I posted one too...Was I wrong?

That does raise quite a few questions Dust...I've read many profiles stating...the wife doesn't want sex...and go find yourself a playmate. This is actually a very good question. I'm sure there are a lot of men out there curious to see what we women think of this.

I think...if a wife has said something of that nature to a man..(whether he is her husband, boyfriend, or just living with someone,) often enough....and then he finally gets fed up with his needs being taken care of...and if he did go as HE WAS TOLD TO DO...countless times. Then NO...she pushed him to it...and if she "find's out"....too bad, so sad...

He was just doing what she told him to do.

It will backfire on those women...or maybe I should say...it would on the majority of women...there will always be a fair percentage that it won't have an affect on.

If you love someone and you value the relationship....but you send that person into the arms of another... more often than not you lose. More often than not...you deserve to lose. How stupid can one be?

These women who encourage this and push their men to find a playmate... Shame, Shame. I don't think that's cheating...


~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~


digdug41 49M

11/6/2005 8:42 am

NO its not because she doesn't want to know anyway

roaming the cyber streets of blogland


rm_TwiztedCharm 56M
456 posts
11/6/2005 12:03 pm

Did the wife tell this to the new girlfriend? Men lie about this exact thing all the time. If his wife doesn't want him or wants him to find a girlfriend, why doesn't he just get rid of the wife first. I would.


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
11/6/2005 12:32 pm

expatbrit49 would you like it if your wife say it's okay?

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
11/6/2005 12:33 pm

Serena_cd_slut Yes, there must be a large amount of trust in their life. That is rare.

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
11/6/2005 12:34 pm

kyplowboy22 I had never thought about it before until huny posted her blog. Thanks for your input.

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
11/6/2005 12:39 pm

slidein2meplz You make some valid points. Thanks for your input.

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
11/6/2005 12:40 pm

digdug41 simply put. Thanks!

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
11/6/2005 2:40 pm

TwiztedCharm why would she tell the new girlfriend if she didn't want to know he had one?

DustStormDiva


rm_TwiztedCharm 56M
456 posts
11/6/2005 5:16 pm

I know allot of married men who while seeking a new girlfriend have the best stories about their relationships with their wives. They don't understand them, they will not have sex or emotions are dead and they only stay for the children. I am just saying women should view these relationships with a fair amount of skepticisim. IFf entering one a lady should make sure she gets more out of it than she could ask for, keep him at arms lenght, always make sure he feels more than she and above all else be careful of her heart.

We all know --- MEN WOULD NEVER LIE FOR SEX


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
11/6/2005 6:08 pm

TwiztedCharm Nope, men would never dream of doing that. Neither would women! I appreciate your comments.

DustStormDiva


rm_bella_ 47F
4030 posts
11/6/2005 6:27 pm

I think it is still cheating...maybe I am an old fashioned gal..I dont know


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
11/6/2005 6:45 pm

bella_ It's nice to have everyones point of view. Thanks.

DustStormDiva


cozy1957 59M

11/6/2005 10:32 pm

It's cheating if a person has sex with someone other than their spouse, in my opinion. That doesn't mean it's not the thing to do.....


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
11/6/2005 10:56 pm

BigGirlzRSweet I have mixed emotions on all this since I am "the other woman".

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
11/6/2005 11:00 pm

cozy1957 I don't think it is the thing to do, but it does happen. I personally have been very faithful when with a significant other. Now, my choices to be with married men contradict what I value for my relationships. ONce I commit to someone, I commit fully. I just have not wanted to commit to anyone. Less heart ache that way.

DustStormDiva


charleslamb4077 37M
90 posts
11/7/2005 1:26 am

Just because the wife is asking him to cheat on her does not mean it is not cheating. Time to look for a divorce.


jim5131 55M
1296 posts
11/7/2005 6:23 pm

hmmmm.....I think if the wife tells the hubster to find a girlfriend on the side, then one of two things is happening..(1) she is tired of his sexual advances because he is a jerk or is simply bad in bed and she lost her libido, or (2)she found a man herself and doesn't want the guilt.

I wouldn't do it...I'm too much into relationships to divide love into two people at one time. Like Bella...I'm old-fashioned...


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
11/7/2005 9:14 pm

charleslamb4077, Do you think it's possible for every other aspect of the marriage to be good, even if she wants him to find someone to fill his sexual needs?

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
11/7/2005 9:19 pm

jim5131, You said, ". . . then one of two things is happening..(1) she is tired of his sexual advances because he is a jerk or is simply bad in bed and she lost her libido . . ."

It is possible for a woman to have lost her sex drive due to a hysterectomy. The hormones that women have to take after such an operation sometimes messes with their desire to have sex. If this is the case, no matter how good he is in bed, she could still not have the need for sex anymore.

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
11/9/2005 1:14 am

Hi no_strings1963 I would not want her to know, she does not want to know. I don't want him to leave her for me. He's a great guy. I know there are too many people who think that he is bad for his choice, and they think I am bad for my decisions, but that is their perrogative. I do have mixed emotions. I might talk to him about it.

DustStormDiva


charleslamb4077 37M
90 posts
11/9/2005 1:50 pm

Do you think it's possible for every other aspect of the marriage to be good, even if she wants him to find someone to fill his sexual needs?

charleslamb4077 . . .

I do not believe that is possible.
If all things are going well in a relationship with the exception of sex, and given that it is only one partner who has lost interest in sex, it would naturally seen reasonable that both partners would want to find a solution. This affects both partners. If one partner should decide to go looking outside of the relationship to fulfill his or her needs, even with the other partner’s permission, it will only end up hurting both of the partners The partner who has lost interest in sex should realize that this is hard on the other partner because the other partner’s needs are not being fulfilled. The partner whose sex drive is intact should be supportive and sympathetic to his or her partner. It is naturally distressing for a person to lose his or her sex drive. This would be an uncomfortable time during their life and that makes support all the more necessary. If they cannot agree to work this out together, then there must be some other issue a group of issues conflicting the relationship


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
11/10/2005 12:59 am

charleslamb4077 You make some very interesting and valid points. Thank you for taking the time to answer my question so thoroughly.

DustStormDiva


MillsShipsGayly 51M

11/10/2005 7:55 am

Cheating?

Dunno, but if I were the spouse, I'd dock a couple letter grades off their score.

Take'em from a D(ummy) to F(uckhead)


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
11/11/2005 12:32 am

Michael_IG65 I don't know what I'd do if I was married to someone who told me to go have an affair.

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
11/11/2005 12:35 am

no_strings1963, you asked, "How would your current partner feel about you being with another man? Would you then be cheating?"

He told me he wants to know if I am with anyone else. He feels it's only fair because he does not want to take any diseases home. I respect that. I have been honest with him. He knows what I do. Cheating? No, because we are not committed to each other.

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
11/12/2005 2:21 am

no_strings1963 anyone who blogs about a subject that may controversial should be willing to accept any comment that is tossed their way. I would never dream of booting judgemental comments because I encouraged their answers with my blog.

Is there more to it? I can't answer for him. We have not discussed our feelings with each other. Me, I do care a lot for him. He's a great guy.

DustStormDiva


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