Forbidden Love  

duststormdiva 51F
7253 posts
10/2/2005 3:44 pm

Last Read:
4/30/2008 6:42 pm

Forbidden Love

In goddessofbitches’s Ask Goddess.... was about this lady who wrote to a “Dear Abby” type of column asking for advice. Her boyfriend of 9 years would not ask her to marry him, and she suspected that he was cheating on her.

My question is, why is he sleeping around? Why do people search for others when in a commitment? I know there are couples who swing, but it is known by both partners. Why the sneaking around?

I ask this because I am the other woman. I have been with a few married men. I ask them and they tell me that they just don't get enough sex from their wives. Is he the asshole or should the lady open her eyes and be more attentive to his needs?

On the flip side, why does she not sleep with him anymore? Could it be that he does not do anything extra to try and satisfy her?

From the perspective of the “other woman” ...

The married man I currently am seeing, his wife has some medical concerns that prevent her from having a sex drive, and although he is fulfilled in every other aspect of their marriage, he just does not get enough sex and when he does, he initiates it, and she will submit when he asks. He feels like he is asking her to do something she just does not want to do. She told him he would be better off finding a girlfriend.

The man I was seeing before was just totally selfish in the sex department and I know why his wife does not want him sexually anymore. Neither do I.

The very first married man I was with said he was very happy in his marriage, and he loved his wife dearly, but needed something more. He never admitted to a lack there of, but why did he seek me out? There had to be more to it.

I don’t necessarily think that all men who cheat seek relationships outside of their marriage because they are unhappy with their wife, but because the physical needs are not being met.

Some married men I know from online are just unhappy because their wife treats them like shit. Who wants to live that way? But then that raises another question of why do the women treat their men like shit? Is it because they are truly bitches from hell? Or is it because of lack of attention from their husbands? Could it be that the husbands are mentally or physically abusive?

I don’t want to make this sound like men are the only cheaters in this world, because I know women who have cheated on their partners.

One of my very best friends cheated on her husband, because he was mentally and sometimes physically abusive. His best friend was Crystal Meth.

Two of my sisters cheated because their husbands didn’t fulfill their emotional needs. One of my sisters has remained faithful to the man she left her husband for; although, she is not happy, and suspects he is cheating on her. My other sister has never been faithful in a relationship.

Another one of my sisters cheated because her ex was an alcoholic. My sister-in-law cheated on my brother because she never thought my brother measured up to her standards. He is the most successful of all of the siblings. They have never had money worries. He seems to be emotionally in-tune with her, but then I am not in their household everyday. The brother that I think is so very wonderful just might be an asshole.

I have never cheated when I have been in a commitment, yet, I give married men who are looking for something else the opportunity to step out of their marriage.


toothysmile 50M
16515 posts
10/3/2005 1:40 am

Sounds like an awful lot of cheating; extra-marital sex is actually a better term, since as you say we can't have an inside look at each of those marriages and don't hear both sides of the story.

Why does this happen? In my country we say that 'a person's soul is like an abyss'... you can never find the depth of it.

Angelcurls47 61F

10/4/2005 1:28 am

I know exactly what you mean...been there done that. It's sad when you hear them say they get no sex or if they do it's because she feels obligated in some way...Yet..we really don't know both sides, only his. I cheated on my ex-husband and only because he insisted that I experience another man because at the time, I had only been with him...and was very uneducated about sex...I was a virgin when I married 2 weeks after graduating high school....32 years ago. So, at his urging...(and this went on for months, years..until I finally caved in)...I did sleep with someone..(course he chose the man...I didn't). Turned out...I liked wasn't at all like it was with my husband...this man...did stuff to me I had never experienced before. So, needless to say.... he and I started an affair that lasted close to 10 months... when my husband finally found out...all I could say to him was.."Well, you wanted me to sleep with someone I don't blame me for the results. That's what happens when you push someone to go somewhere and then it backfires on ya"...for years...I tried to resist..for years I kept telling him no it isn't right...but after nearly 6 years of almost constant hounding to be with someone else... I just gave up and did it. So, am I a bad person? NO...and neither are you...and neither are most people who find themselves in circumstances such as what you've described or what I've described. Now there are people who don't need a reason...and cheat all the time just for the sake of sex. I don't do that anymore...nor do I cheat on someone I am in a relationship with...if I'm seeing someone on a friend w/benefit basis...then it doesn't matter. My usual answer to those married men or men involved with someone else is "I don't plow another woman's field"

duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
10/4/2005 4:16 am

Angelcurls47, thanks for stopping by my blog and definitely thanks for taking the time out to give a response.

Your story is very interesting. When I was married I didn't think that I could have ever decided to step out with someone else. You know what they say about hindsight . . . looking back on it now, if I had stayed with my exhusband I probably would have cheated on him, because he was mentally abusive.

I don't think I am bad for what I do. I would be a bad person if I tried to get him to break up with his wife. I encourage him to stay and often we talk about the consequences of getting caught. 803


toothysmile 50M
16515 posts
10/9/2005 3:36 am

I thought I posted a comment here, maybe I was wrong.

duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
10/9/2005 8:44 am

toothysmile you did, but I accidentally removed the post and when I re-posted it, it didn't bring the comments with it. *sigh*


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