Dom/sub  

duststormdiva 51F
7253 posts
12/18/2005 8:40 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Dom/sub

The whole D/s thing used to intrigue me. I had a friend who was very much Dom and always wanted me to be his sub. We never met in person as ours was an online friendship. We talked on the phone a couple times and I must admit he was pretty good. The thing that kept me from going through with an online D/s relationship with him is the fact that it gave me an icky feeling.

Most who know me, know I have a very dominant personality. I have no problem telling people what I want and how I want it. So as I was pursuing the idea of getting involved with D/s I played with the Domme role. I found out from a sub, that I just am not mean enough. He said, "You are strict, but not mean. I want a Domme who will really punish me and be mean. You just don't have it in you to be mean." I was speachless. Everything I have ever read about the D/s was abour respect and what he was expecting me to do was just totally disrespectful.

I have decided that the whole D/s thing is not for me. I need a man in my life who wants to be treated with respect and as an equal. In return I expect that same respect back. I need a man who won't hesitate to tell me what he wants. I need a man who does not want to be humiliated, or does not want me to sink the heel of my shoes into his balls for punishment. Gentle and fun swats on the ass are great, but I don't want to have to welt someones ass as an attention getter.

If he does something to offend me, as adults and equals we can talk about it together, and vice versa. Personally the whole punishment reward thing, to me, is like a parent and child relationship. The difference is the sex. When I am with my partner, I don't want to have to play the role of the Mistress or slave. I don't want to have to come up with punishments. I just want to please my partner anyway he wants to be pleased and I want to be pleased. I am already mother and father to my children, I don't need another person to play that role with.


DustStormDiva



rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
12/18/2005 9:48 am

I agree with you Dusty.

I may know a little more about the D/s lifestyle than you do and I too have decided I'd rather have a partner that is my equal. Strong enough to stand with me in all situations. Some alternating change of power is fine, and needed I believe. Plus, I'm not into the whole labeling thing that goes on along with the lifestyle.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
12/18/2005 11:23 am

ShayeDK thanks for the invite to your blog. I read through some and enjoyed what you had to say. I will be going back from time to time. You are a talented writer and that is always intriguing to me. Thanks for your words of advice.

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
12/18/2005 11:25 am

DaphneR I don't mind a little role play with it, but definitely don't want my lifestyle to be geared around it.

DustStormDiva


TTigerAtty 62M

12/18/2005 1:51 pm

Dusty - I have checked into the so-called "BDSM Alternative Lifestyle" by visiting a web-site very similar to this one. In fact, it is probably owned by the same company that runs this site. If you can read Chinese and if you have an interest in checking it out, you can find it at moc tod TLA. There is some pretty kinky stuff that people are involved with, a whole sub-culture, and they get all hung-up on the role playing and the labeling as mentioned by [blog DaphneR] and the games and the toys and I don't know what all. I've tried to understand it and what the attraction is, but I come away a bit puzzled and repulsed by much of it. I just don't think I could feel good about some of that stuff as I was not brought up to treat women as subs or slaves or other demeaning roles. I was brought up to respect, honor and actually place a lady on a pedestal, to be a gentleman, so the BDSM stuff is contrary to my upbringing and belief system. I'm not sure if it is even contrary to my religious beliefs and values. It just doesn't feel right. Not my cup of tea! Take care!


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
12/18/2005 3:34 pm

TTigerAtty from what I understand of the lifestyle it is meant to enter upon agreement by both parties. There are limitations and safe words that are to be used. Every BDSM chat room I have ever visited, there has always been the utmost respect for everyone there.

The role of Dom or sub is taken seriously and when playing in those roles there are limitations to what happens. The Doms I have talked to say that it is actually the sub that has the control. It is the sub that says what is allowed and what isn't. It is the Master/Mistress's role to adhere to those limitations.

There are those subs who are willing to let their Dom/Domme make those decisions on limitations.

Unfortunately, there are some who are there just for the control and without consent of their subs force them to do things that they do not want to do. There is most definitely a difference between domineering and dominant.

When entering the lifestyle there has to be the utmost trust between both parties.

Personally, it still is not for me, but it sure is a lifestyle that many enjoy. I don't understand the whole punishment and getting turned on by it on either end.

When with a lover, I don't mind a little smack on the ass. I actually like it when he wraps my hair around his fist and pulls my head to his and presses his lips against mine. A little force is nice, but in no way do I want to be forced to perform for anyone.

DustStormDiva


kyplowboy22 61M

12/18/2005 4:09 pm

Beat me! Whip me! Take my credit cards! But will you lve me in the mornin? lol I don't think I would fit into it that well, Dusty. I'll have to give it pass. Later

kpb


slidein2meplz 62F
1994 posts
12/18/2005 5:38 pm

I so totally agree with you Dusty. That is not for me either. I met a man online thru here who was very much into that...and at his urging, he suggested I do a little research... I was so shocked and really what I felt most of all was afraid. It scared the crap out of me and as I read and the more I read, I noticed I was actually trembling in shear absolute fear.
Like you, I don't want to do harmful things to my partner, nor do I want them done to me. A little pat on the ass or a nibble here and there is fine...but anything involving whips, chains, etc... no thanks, none for me.

Very good post Dusty.

~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
12/18/2005 8:10 pm

kyplowboy22 if you insist. *gets out the flogger*

DustStormDiva


duststormdiva 51F
6854 posts
12/18/2005 8:11 pm

slidein2meplz yes, it scares me too. I remember a Law and Order SVU about that, it freaked me out.

DustStormDiva


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