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Conversations with Betty
Conversations with Betty
Bloggers note: This is an exchange between Betty Dodson and myself. These are from my private emails. Enjoy.
Thanks for your intelligent feedback. Yes, I am struggling to understand an aspect of female sexuality (ejaculation) that appears to partially or completly sacrifice our pleasure to please men. The entertainment value of spurting is unquestionable ie it's popularity. I understand why the rush by so many men (and women) wanting us to ejaculate because it demonstrates a sexual conclusion or outcome to the mysterious inner workings of our sexuality like, "I made her come really big!" All this when so many women are not coming with fucking or at all creates frustration here in BADland.
Feeling sexual or aroused and having an orgasm seems quite different in my mind. A roller coaster ride is an exciting adrenilin rush but not the sweet release of an orgasm. I know I'm orgasmcentric or whatever. But working 40 years with nonorgasmic women has pissed me off with how often the clitoris is left out! Granny's about to go on a rant here so I'll stop just in time.
Eric my darling partner got your DVD. When I learn how to navigate the damn things I'll watch it again. Like most guys, he loves the idea of female ejaculation and he said even when he has detected the slight smell of urine, it doesnt' bother him one bit. Next time I'll tell him he can get a comp copy.
Just so you know, I think you are one smart woman. And yes, I agree. Making money gets me wet too and sometimes I laugh so hard I pee in my pants. Guess I'll have to say, "I ejaculate in my pants."
Love you, BADly
From: Dr. Susan Block
Sent: Tuesday, April 26, 2005 5:30 AM
To: Betty Dodson
Hi Darling BAD,
Yes, squirting feels sexual. But then, if I'm aroused, I think peeing feels sexual. If I'm aroused, a roller coaster ride feels sexual. Squirting can also be not-so-sexual. That is, not terribly orgasmic. It always feels really good (for me), but only sometimes does it coincide with a standard internal orgasm.
You're right, I did touch my clit a few times, and so did Annie. Annie touches her clit a lot, spanks it actually, when she squirts (as Deborah points out, Annie is also spanking her G-spot as well as her clit). I was just touching my clit because it felt good. But Deborah's emphasis was on the G-Spot, and I was *letting* her lead that night, as the expert. In any case, it worked with all of us (though all of us touched our clit, at least a little bit - why not?). But I do find that if I touch my clit a LOT and give myself a nice big regular orgasm, I am less likely to feel like squirting afterwards. Deborah and I talk about this during the salon.
I don't really think there are clitoral orgasms and vaginal orgasms. I'd say there are internal orgasms (that almost always involve some touching of the clit) that reverberate inside of you, and there are external orgasms, where you ejaculate. Mostly, women have internal orgasms, and mostly men have the external kind. But we can both have either, at least occasionally.
I enjoy squirting. But I don't do it a lot. I probably did it more than ever at that show. I've done it more at a few other shows, plus when I'm up on my on my roof where I like to exercise and masturbate. I rarely squirt when I have regular sex with my husband (I "flow") - mainly because we usually have sex in bed and I don't want to get the bed all wet, and it's a pain to put up towels which don't soak it all up anyway. My husband enjoys it, but then, he has no problem falling asleep afterwards in a soaking wet bed. I do. Knowing how much I don't like the mess (you hear me complain about the wet bed a few times on the salon; I don't hide my finicky feelings, though I don't let them get in the way of my enjoyment!), I can imagine that you - who adore simplicity and cleanliness - would find the whole soaking wet mess pretty abhorent. So I'm not surprised you don't particularly like female ejaculation or find it very sexy.
I am surprised you got a copy of the DVD. Did a friend of yours buy it? I haven't started sending out complimentary copies yet (and I would send you one).
Any case, it's a very popular subject right now. Thousands of men and women ask me about it, and want to learn how to do it. I'm no expert in it, but I feel that the salon we did with Deborah that night really teaches the viewer how to do it better than any other video I've seen on the subject (am I modest or what?). The DVD, with no publicity except my little emails, is selling extremely well. I must admit that sales make me wet. They don't make me squirt though. That takes a little more effort.
Btw, all of the above is not confidential. I believe that the chemical content of female ejaculate is substantially different than pee (it's looks and smells different and feels different coming out), and I believe that every woman can squirt. But I don't believe that every woman wants to squirt, or that every man enjoys it, or that anybody has to do it or put up with it at all. But for some women, and their men, it is a beautiful, very sexual thing, Holy Water indeed.
Right now, I'm editing a show called "Weimar Love: Hot Sex in Pre-Nazi Berlin" and I'm working with one of my editors on "Blonde Island." We just did a Bravo-style documentary on one of our erotic artists. No squirting in any of them. I like variety. But the Squirting is the best seller.
From: "Betty Dodson"
Sent: Sunday, April 24, 2005 9:47 AM
Subject: RE: You'll love this
Hey Darling Woman,
I'm sorry we don't drop-ship my stuff. But when you get further along
and can buy wholesale, get back to us. No specific plans for LA right now, but
when I do head out your way, you'll be the first to know.
I watched your female ejaculation DVD the other day. And damned if Debra
didn't make you shoot. You gotta tell me the truth ( entre nous) does it feel
sexual or is it just fun? One thing my sharp beady eyes saw was you starting to
reach down to do your clit....several times....but then you stopped. CLITTY WAS
Debra is so in love with the idea of "vaginal orgasms" and ejaculation
it made me wonder if you were just being a good host. And you were very good as
always. But I gotta tell you watching all that spurting is about as sexy as
watching a dog pee on a fire hydrant. Where are you at in all these displays of
sacred waters or priestess piss? I promise not to tell anyone. It's just between
you, me and the bonobos. Love ya, BAD
Sent: Sunday, April 24, 2005 4:19 AM
To: Betty Dodson
Subject: Re: You'll love this
Nice to hear from you! Yes, somebody sent me this piece the other day. But
thanks for thinking of me.
Funny, I was just thinking and talking about YOU yesterday. I had mentioned to
Jim, who's in charge of my new kick-ass "Shopping Heaven" online sex accessory
shop, that we should carry your marvelous barbell. He told me he called your
office, and they told him that we had to order a large quantity in order to get
the wholesale price. We're not at the point where we can do that with a new
product. Basically, we just sell our own stuff and other people's items (like
the the G-Spot Stimulator, other toys, art, DVDs, books, T-shirts, etc.), and
when we sell something, we send the money to the manufacturer who then
drop-ships to the customer. If there's anyway we could do that with you, we'd
love to promote and sell your barbell in our store. If not, no worries, we love
We'd also love to do the same thing with your books. Amazon gives such a
negligible commission. I don't suppose you drop-ship your book, do you?
Any plans to come to la-la-land? Love to have you on the show again. We need
to catch up, for my audience...
peace, love & bonobos...
Always appreciate your comments.
Peace through pleasure,
4/28/2005 4:28 am
To squirt or not to squirt ? There are many flowers in the garden...|
7/13/2005 1:39 pm
GWD.. how did the blogworld let this go by??|
Or, for that matter, the Tantra community?
I DO hope there IS a tantra community.
11/15/2006 1:07 am
I love a good debate, especially one involving female ejaculation. I say; do your own thing. And of course, "Peace through pleasure" what a motto. We all could learn from that.|
Great reading, thanks Dr. Suzy.