The Crazy Roomy  

docdirk 47M
5418 posts
5/7/2006 9:06 pm

Last Read:
5/11/2006 10:09 pm

The Crazy Roomy

A couple of posts back, I mentioned that I once had a crazy roomy named “Doug.” Everyone claims to have at one time had a crazy roomy. Mine was the real deal. Here are a few examples:

Doug once constructed his own bulletproof vest. He did so by ripping open the lining of his regular jacket, inserting aluminum sheets and then sewing it up again. After completing his project, he came to me in our back yard wearing the jacket and carrying a .22 pistol. He asked me to help him test it. I declined.

He taped knives under the furniture in every room of the house. He claimed that if necessary, all he had to do was drop & reach anywhere in the house and he’d have a weapon… just in case. At one point, I counted 13 knives hidden throughout the house.

He installed flood-lights on every corner of our roof, which he connected to a single extension cord that ran down the side of the house and in through the bottom corner of a purposely broken window. He then taped it to the wall, half inserted into the electrical socket. All we needed to do was to brush up against it and our yard lit up like Cape Canaveral at a nighttime shuttle landing.

We ate a lot of Cocoa Pebbles. Partly, because we liked it. But also because they used to include tiny, rubber Fred, Barney and Dino figurines in the box. We would line them up on the kitchen counter ten at a time. Then, from across the house, we’d shoot at them with a bee-bee gun to see who could knock the most down. Our kitchen counter and cabinets were riddled with bee-bee holes.

Whenever our cars died, Doug knew “someone” selling another one for real cheap. He’d buy the “new” car and drive it until it too died. At one point, our yard was littered with eight automobiles, and we were still taking cabs to work because none of them ran!

He drew an outline of a person on the outside of his bedroom door. We’d practice knife-throwing inside the house at that door.

He introduced me to a game whose name I can’t remember. We would stand facing each other, about 10 feet apart in the kitchen, on the linoleum floor. We’d take turns throwing a knife, attempting to make it stick in the floor. If it did, and was parallel to your left or right foot, you’d have to move that foot to where the knife stuck. The object was to spread your opponents legs so wide that they’d fall down, making you the winner. You could win the right to move your legs back together ‒ if you threw the knife and make it stick in the floor between your opponent’s legs! You really need linoleum to play this game.

If “Doug” seems a bit paranoid, there’s good reason. He only went out with married women. And, aside from his gig in the Navy, (from which he was honorably discharged) he also worked at least two full time jobs. He never slept. I’m sure he had some help.

If you have ever seen the movie Fight Club, you are familiar with the runned-down, nearly condemned house on “Paper Street.” Our house was basically a single story version. No neighbors on either side, woods and I-95 in the back, and the town reservoir in front. And yes, like in Fight Club, we used to shoot stolen range golf balls into the night at ungodly hours. Of course, ours went into the town’s water supply.

Ahhh, those were good times!



Ah, Its you again, Your Angel Feathers and your Blood Stains...


absolutelynormal 56F
6563 posts
5/7/2006 9:36 pm

Yikes, you lived with paranoid man! You're lucky you didnt get hurt. I'm glad you didn't Mac


docdirk replies on 5/8/2006 7:19 pm:
Yes, he was a bit off balanced. But it sure made things interesting!

SexyRycheBabe 44F
820 posts
5/7/2006 9:36 pm

So this is what people do in states that are so small you could walk across it in one day. I always wondered!!!

But, here's a question....

If you had all of this land and no neighbors ... why didn't you go outside to shoot bee-bee guns, practice knife throwing and other knife games that you played? It would have saved the house that way.

Lemme guess.... you were renters!!!!


docdirk replies on 5/8/2006 7:19 pm:
Ding Ding Ding... we hate a winner!!! (And the rent was fairly cheap!)

mycin62 54F

5/8/2006 1:51 am

It's amazing you're still alive!


docdirk replies on 5/8/2006 7:20 pm:
Funny, but it all made sense at the time!

NSAAddict 42F

5/8/2006 3:10 am

LMAO, this explains so much!


docdirk replies on 5/8/2006 7:20 pm:
Whatever could you mean???

MWWwantsmore 51F

5/8/2006 4:35 am

Thats one crazy roomy! But now I know why


docdirk replies on 5/8/2006 7:21 pm:
Me'thinks he was self-medicating just a tad!

MOfunNOWWOW 55F

5/8/2006 11:27 am

Did ya grow up here in MO. If so Doug IS MY cousin?


MOMO
just a squirrel trying to get a nut


docdirk replies on 5/8/2006 7:22 pm:
Well, he wasn't a Connecticut native, but I don't remember him ever mentioning MO - you or the state!

pragmaticCTcpl 61M/50F

5/8/2006 4:15 pm

At the next CT Bloggers Meet & Greet...can I see how many missing toes and puncture scars you have on your feet from your knife-throwing-on-linoleum game?

I'm sorry I didn't take notice at the last M & G.

You hide the limp very well..!


docdirk replies on 5/8/2006 7:22 pm:
Well, I did lose a toe on each foot. Now I'm down to 10 like everyone else!

jadedbabe78 105F

5/9/2006 7:24 am

Hmmmm, I'm glad I never had a roomie .

~Jadey


docdirk replies on 5/9/2006 4:25 pm:
Well, for a low, low... low, low price, I will make myself available to be your first. For short periods of time. Whenever you'd like!!

champagnechaser 41F
1639 posts
5/9/2006 11:00 am

Hmmm...me thinks that you were the crazy roomie and poor Doug is prolly limpin around cussin you out


docdirk replies on 5/9/2006 4:26 pm:
I prefer to think of myself as an enabler!

quietmansect 41M
729 posts
5/9/2006 12:18 pm

Oh wait, we're talking about people from New London County here....I mean we're in the same part of the state as such wonderous locales as Jewett City and Poquonnock Bridge. Nothing here surprises me (except people who still have all their own teeth).

You might be from New London County if:
Shooting Jet Skis out of the Thames River with a Potato gun is how you spend your Friday nights.
Instead of doing the Duvall Crawl you do the Allen Street Amble.
If going to the "Big City" means driving to Hartford (or Providence).
If your best friend's last words were "Hey, Y'all watch this!"
If you can start a civil war in a town meeting by asking "Who's a Yankee's Fan in here?"
If it is your dream to see how far you can get with the Charles W. Morgan before the Coast Guard apprehends you.
If you know that Maragarita's has bad food but good Mai Tai's.
If everyone in your family works at "The Boat"
If everyone in your family works at "The Casino"
If your pickup line at the local tavern is "You've go a nice tooth!"
If an evening of high culture involves a stop at the Book Barn.
If you play a name with knives that you can't remember but it involves spreading your partners legs as far apart as possible.

But seriously JJ, I love your blog!

QuietMan


docdirk replies on 5/10/2006 4:49 pm:
LOL!! Or, if the term "kicks ass" ever follows the words "Brown Derby!"

quietmansect 41M
729 posts
5/11/2006 12:09 pm

Good one!

QuietMan


SacredStarDance

5/11/2006 9:51 pm

ok... Im not looking at profile..your my neighbor

under the stars
We choose to write
you choose what you comprehend.
read twice and be nice
every key stroke... has a heart beat


docdirk replies on 5/11/2006 10:10 pm:
Nope... but my ex-rommie might just be. Florida, right?

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